Skip to main content

What An Ass

Okay. Take heed all you animal lovers. If you're contemplating expressing your ardour for our four legged friends by making love to a donkey you'd best put it out of your mind unless you want it's owner to kill you.

Hee-haw. Don't laugh. It's true.

That's exactly what happened in Portugal where some guy slashed the throat of another guy who violated his donkey.

Anybody got a cigarette?

The fella's name was Jaime Pires but locals called him Jaime Sheep because he was quite well known for making the rounds with local animals. Police discovered Jaime in a pool of blood wearing women's underwear. Sure, the guy wasn't kinky enough bonking donkeys he had to wear women's undergarments while doing it.

Boy, I've heard of Dr. Dolittle, but this guy did a lot - almost every animal in the Village of Proenca-a-Velha, Portugal.

This guy really played around. He wasn't true just to one donkey. Gives new meaning to stuffing the turkey. Not to mention makin' bacon or that rock and roll classic ram-a-llama-ding-dong.

Maybe the guy was upset with the owner. I mean, after all, he rode his ass all the way to Proenca-a-Velha.

Dolittle my eye.

And he didn't just talk to the animals, as the song goes. He chatted them up, bought them dinner and then got down and rolled around in the mud with them. If you know what I mean.

It behooves me to say this but now I know why Ol' McDonald said "Ee-ie-ee-ie-oh!"


Theresa said…
Hmmmm, taking bestiality to it's max?
nonamedufus said…
Theresa: I ass-ume so, yeah.
Boom Boom Larew said…
You forgot about the Push-Me-Pull-You! Explains that animal!
nonamedufus said…
Boom Boom: Well I don't know if he encountered any of those. It might have doubled his pleasure, though
Anji said…
Now I understand why our local donkeys wear pyjamas:
nonamedufus said…
Anji: Wow, that's interesting. I think with this guy, though, a donkey with pyjamas wouldn't have stood a chance.
Quirkyloon said…
Um. Okay? *nervous chuckle*

And I'm sorry but I have to correct you sir.

In Spanish, it's not ee-ii-ee-ii-oh. It's ay-yi-yi-yi-yiiiii!

nonamedufus said…
Q: Do donkeys smoke after sex?
A: I dunno. I never looked.

What's Spanish for *groan*?
Nicky said…

Hah! *snorts*

Sigh. So many "ass-ho" little time.
Ziva said…
I feel like such an ass! All this time I couldn't get guys interested in me, and all I had to do was dress up as a donkey.
00dozo said…
I guess he was hardly sheepish about pursuing such endeavours.
Linda Medrano said…
Dufus, I have no idea what to say about this guy. I'd like to see him try this with my pit bull Honey. He would have ended up a changed man.
nonamedufus said…
Nicky: I don't know why, but that llama thing came to me out of the blue. Now if the guy's name had have been Al I might have been able to work something in about an alpaca.
nonamedufus said…
Ziva: You should have done your research. After all you could have burro-d a little deeper.
nonamedufus said…
00dozo: Hey I thought I did the puns around here! (Good one.)
nonamedufus said…
Linda: Well that may be but you have to give this guy an A for his dogged determination.
HumorSmith said…
I'm speechless. Perhaps a "Don't ass, don't tell" policy would help.

So okay, maybe not entirely speechless.
nonamedufus said…
HumorSmith: I think you definitely may be on to something.
I got really drunk once in college and saw this movie. I think it was a movie. Anyway, I still throw up every time I get near a bottle of tequila and a donkey.
nonamedufus said…
Mike: I stayed away from donkeys. Although I knew a couple of asses in college.
Quirkyloon said…
Um. Okay? *nervous chuckle*

And I'm sorry but I have to correct you sir.

In Spanish, it's not ee-ii-ee-ii-oh. It's ay-yi-yi-yi-yiiiii!


Popular posts from this blog

My Back Pages - October

Well, folks, I read seven (count 'em) seven books in October. One I didn't finish but even at that I hit the magic number 50 I estimated for myself by the end of the year. The six books I successfully waded through were, firstly, What Happened, Hillary Clinton's book on her bid for the Presidency. I''m a bit of a political junkie so I get off on this stuff but still it kinda struck me as one long whine over losing.
Next up was the excellent Canyon of Dreams: The Magic and Music of Laurel Canyon. Laurel Canyon was the fabled area outside of Los Angeles where many musicians and artists lived. Known as a 60s enclave, the book takes a look at just who lived there over the last 80 years. A fascinating read.
Next up was Lightfoot, a biography of Canadian folk singer Gordon Lightfoot. He may have been responsible for some iconic folk songs but he was also quite the womanizer and boozer. Enough said.
Then I read Dan Brown's new tome Origin, the fifth in the Robert Lan…

My Back Pages - November

I know, I know, I know I should have reported in before now. But sometimes real life just gets in the way. I attempted 5 books in November. I say attempted because I slapped a big DNF (did not finish) on Neal Stephenson's Cryptonomicon. I just can't seem to get into this guy. It's the second or third of his I've given up on,

Not so the other four, starting with a biography of Stephen Stills called Change Partners. This followed by a hilarious biography of the guy responsible for National Lampoon called A Stupid and Futile Gesture - How Doug Kenney and National Lampoon Changed Comedy Forever.

I ended the month reading yet another biography, this one of the man behind Rolling Stone magazine,. It was called Sticky Fingers: The Life and Times of Jann Wenner and Rolling Stone Magazine. A fascinating read.

So last month I hit the magic number 50 I'd imagined for myself back in January. If I roll this month into my yearly total I'm at 54 books. And I still have Decem…