nonamedufus

We have some pretty odd discussions in my household from time to time. Take, for example, the discussion we had over dinner the other night. Mrs. D had pulled together another culinary masterpiece beginning with an appetizer of bacon-wrapped scallops, followed by tilapia fish over whipped potatoes and asparagus. It was the asparagus that got us started. Now Mrs D is quite environmentally conscious and is a big proponent of the "buy local" school of grocery shopping. Otherwise, she says, you screw with the carbon footprint. How so? Well, she says, if you truck in potatoes from Mexico you mess up the environment. To which I reply, "Oh and the local farmers use donkeys to cart their goods to market?" Anyway, Mrs D said the asparagus was the first vegetable of the season. I said if asparagus was the first vegetable then it should be spelled aasparagus. I got a blank look. "You know," I said "Like in the phone book, if you want to be first you ad...

What's your favourite part of a meal at a restaurant? I'd have to say mine is dessert. And more often than not that dessert involves chocolate. A meal at a restaurant is nice once in a while. It frees your wife or girlfriend from spending hours preparing a dinner only to see it vanish in under 10 minutes. And you can take your time with your better half. An evening of quality time spent in a chic bistro, sipping a nice chablis for her, gulping a couple of Coronas for me. A knowing wink, a subtle nod in anticipation of what might come later...snuggling up close together, looking deep into one another's eyes, then gazing intently at...the dessert menu. What the heck did you think I was talking about. That stuff's not suitable for a blog. And if I wrote about it as often as I got it? Well, let's just say my posts would be, um, intermittent? Any way, back to the restaurant and...dessert. Did you know that 7 in 10 women take at least 20 minutes to decide wh...

There's an interesting background story to a recent Canadian invention.  An apparently tasty one at that.  But before we get to that, let's pause and review some of the things invented by Canadians. **Oh, Canada plays softly in the background** Canola Oil - mainly used for cooking, although orgy participants have found another use for it. The Walkie-Talkie - the precursor to the fast food drive-thru order placement thingy. Standard Time - but we didn't invent daylight savings time.  You can blame a New Zealand dude by the name of George Vernon Hudson for that dim move. The telephone - it's what we used before texting. The hydrofoil boat - oh boy, just what we need: a boat that can fly. The snowmobile - hey. we gotta have some fun up here. The snow blower - makes sense, and accounts for fewer heart attacks shovelling snow. SONAR - it was invented by Reginald Fessenden.  Hey, at one point in my life I lived on Fessenden Street.  And every time I...

Have I been living under a rock, or something? Have you heard of the MLE? I kind of pride myself on being a bit of a televised sports junkie.  Watching the National Football league would be my favourite past time, followed by the NBA, some Major League Baseball, a little golf at the PGA level, I watched quite a bit of World Cup Soccer in the last couple of weeks and of course tennis - Wimbledon was full of surprises this year.  I'll watch some NASCAR if there's nothing else on.  Heck, last weekend I watched the Tour de France. When things get really slow on the multi-channel universe, I know I've hit bottom when something like darts, snooker or poker holds my interest. But I've come across a new, uh, sport.  And I use the word advisedly. The MLE. What pray tell is the MLE?  Why it stands for Major League Eating! I'm not kidding.  I found out about it when I started reading an article about the Japanese guy who, having said he wouldn't compete...

Why do they call it a Dutch treat when a couple share the cost of a meal?  I've often wondered, but never knew.  The only Dutch treat I'm aware of is from my childhood.  I grew up in Scarborough which back in the mid 50s, long before amalgamation, was on the outskirts of Toronto.   I lived on a street of strawberry boxes, a term used to describe the size of the houses.  Two doors down lived my best friend, Jeff.  Jeff and I spent a lot of time together, mostly at his place.  Jeff's mom was Dutch and very hot.  And she had some charming Dutch expressions when she got angry with us.  Now, since I don't speak or understand Dutch I can only repeat what I thought I heard.  One expression sounded like "hot for dick a ma" and the other I could have sworn she said "peein' in the sink".  But I digress. Since I spent a lot of time at Jeff's it only made sense that I often ate there.  And here comes the Dutch treat.  Jeff's mom in...

God bless dear old mom.  Growing up as a child, she really shaped - or tried to shape - my, and that of my brothers, table manners.  I say tried because it was difficult to convince three energetic boys to keep their elbows off the table, not to talk with their mouths full and not to chew with their mouths open.  We were also told to "eat everything off your plate - think of the poor starving children in Africa".  Of course, I always thought it would be a good idea to send my food to the children of Africa but I guess my mom couldn't afford the postage.  She also hated it when we liquified our jello.  This was a favourite.  We used to swish our jello around in our mouths till it turned to liquid and then gargle with it.  We thought it was hilarious.  My mother not so.  But it is something I've passed on to my children and my children's children.  It's like a time-honoured family tradition. I came across a story last week that mad...

There was an odd story out of Danvers Massachusetts last week about a guy you might say threw himself into his work. A cleaning man had to be rescued after he was sucked into a machine at a sausage making company.  The guy was cleaning the vacuum-type machine that is used to season meat.  Now isn’t that odd?  Shouldn’t the machine work the other way.  How can it season the meat if it sucks.  Wouldn’t it work better if it blew the seasoning onto the meat.  Oh, well.  I don’t pretend to know the inner workings of a sausage-making factory any more than I know the inner contents of a sausage. Stop showing off! Local police reported the guy’s head and shoulders got stuck in the machine after it somehow turned itself on while being cleaned.  Man, that’s some vacuum.  It’d give Dyson a run for it’s money. You know, I’d say the incident gives new meaning to getting “sucked in” – as well as to “seasoned worker”. Reminds me of the story of the guy w...

"I'll have my people call your people and we'll set up a lunch." Whether you're a high-profile Hollywood mogul or a lowly office worker wanting an hour away from the grind LUNCH is a popular mid-day break. Lunch started as short break around the middle of the day between two more substantive meals at the beginning and ending of the day.  These days it's the social highlight of the day. Be it a brown bag in an office lunch room.  A quick run to a fast-food joint.  Or a liesurely "business" luncheon.  Everyone stops and eats. It might be lunch at a restaurant where they make lunch just like mom used to make... It might be lunch in the animal kingdom.  They have to eat, too... These guys give new meaning to "out to lunch"... You may want to theft-proof your lunch.  Here's one way... Some people have a liquid lunch... Some people tie one on... Some over eat.  The just don't know when to quit... The Ja...

Okay, I admit it.  I'm a little overweight.  I should probably eat better but I love my junk food, snacking on chips and pretzels or having a second piece of pie for dessert.  And I think in that regard I'm just like a million other guys. Except for this guy.  This guy makes the rest of us pale by comparison.  Next to him, we look like a slice of salt free bacon (but bacon nevertheless). This guy's currently in the hospital, in a bed he can't get out of, breathing with the aid of a respirator. He's 600 pounds.  And he got that way by scamming people.  Yep, scamming people for food!  George Jolicoeur has a string of offences against him after a series of scams involving getting refunds for  food he ate and claimed was bad.  He'd order humungous restaurant meals, wipe the plate clean and then claim there was something wrong with the food.  Then he'd get off not having to pay for the meal. He also put it to 7-11.  The late...

D o you want fries with that? It seems American kids aren't the only ones growing at an alarming rate.  And by growing, I mean putting the padding on or, in laymen's terms, getting fat.  The disturbing trend has moved at least two mega-profile individuals to doing something about it.  First-lady Michelle Obama has made it her life's work to bring childhood obesity to the attention of the American people.  And "Naked Chef" Jamie Oliver has just launched a weekly American television show aimed at getting kids to eat right. As we approach Easter this week, seems there were more miracles going on at The Last Supper than we knew about.  The initial visual documentation of the most famous dinner ever - "table for 13, right this way" - was preserved by Leonardo da Vinci in the 15th century.  But now it seems subsequent renderings have resulted in more food on the table. A study by 2 professors at Cornell University has discovered that down through the year...

My buddies at Theme Thursday have decided to interpret "breakfast" this week.  Well, last summer I shared with readers how I prepare breakfast when me and the guys go fishing.  I thought I'd repeat it for my TT buds today.   Keep in mind: it's a guy thing... If cholesterol be the food of love, stick a fork in me, turn me over and call me Eros. This high caloric, cholesterol-laden concoction is swimming in fat, grease and guilt but, nom nom nom, it is sooo good. Nonamedufus' Specials have become a yearly tradition with me and my fishin’ buddies. Each June several of us traipse into the wilds of the “near North” of Ontario to Lake Temagami once bass season opens. We tell our wives we’re roughin’ it and we kick back at a place called Loon Lodge and watch satellite TV, drink beer, eat huge Lodge-prepared dinners, enjoy the sun and swat at the odd black fly. Oh, yeah, sometimes we actually fish. Provisions for our fishing folly are procured ahead of time at the gr...

In the giant land of Gastronomia, government leaders and their bureaucrats were all in a tizzy. The plump Prime Minister of Gastronomia was about to host a conference of the world's key leaders to discuss the fragile state of peace in the world and there wasn't a moment to lose to ensure, down to the minutest detail, all plans could be accomplished in time for the upcoming meeting of the Gastronomic 8 in June 2010. The finest of hotel suites would have to be booked, the fanciest limousines would have to be leased, a conference centre would need to be found and a top-notch security detail would have to be employed. But those things paled in comparison to the responsibility handed to Chance Essare, the Prime Minister's chef. Even though he wore a silly grin, Chance had been delegated as the point man responsible for the conference's menu. Yes, that's right. In the land of fine food, Chance would have to whip up the perfect meal. Chance knew the culinary challenge...

Earlier in the week I promised to share with you how I prepared breakfast on our fishing trip. I've kept my promise. Keep in mind: it's a guy thing. If cholesterol be the food of love, stick a fork in me, turn me over and call me Eros. This high caloric, cholesterol-laden concoction is swimming in fat, grease and guilt but, nom nom nom, it is sooo good. Nonamedufus' Specials have become a yearly tradition with me and my fishin’ buddies. Each June 3 or 4 of us traipse into the wilds of the “near North” of Ontario to Lake Temagami once bass season opens. We tell our wives we’re roughin’ it and we kick back at a place called Loon Lodge and watch satellite TV, drink beer, eat huge Lodge-prepared dinners, enjoy the sun and swat at the odd black fly. Oh, yeah, sometimes we actually fish. Provisions for our fishing folly are procured ahead of time at the grocery, liquor and beer stores in North Bay about an hour away from Lake Temagami. The local economy (particularly the beer sto...

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