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WTF?

Fiona and Frank Fiddler are in love. Fully. Completely. They must be. Fiona and Frank Fiddler have 14 children, all whose names begin with the letter "F". You know how parents with just a few children mix them up and run through their names until they hit on the right one?  One can just imagine the scene at the Fiddler dinner table. "Fred, Francis, Frank Jr. get your elbows off the table." "Fatima, Faith, Fannie stop picking your nose." "Farah, Fawn, Fay...which effin one are you again? Never mind, just pass the fish."

Before I forget I should share how this all began. Fiona and Frank met in Fiji, each while on vacation. Over a chance encounter and a fruity drink at the Hotel Fairmont bar they fell hopelessly in love. As the Beatles would say 'It would be a love that would last forever'.

Back home in Fredericksburg, Texas Fiona and Frank quickly became Mr and Mrs Fiddler. And while neither of them were musicians, it soon became obvious …

I Fought The Law and the Law Won

One day Robert and I were walking downtown when we came upon a burning building. It was sheer mayhem with tons of people watching the goings on. I turned to Robert and our conversation went like this:

Robert: Oh my God. What should we call this then?

Me: A herd of heroes?

Robert: Not quite.

Me: An army of ambulance drivers?

Robert: Good guess.

Me: A mob of medics?

Robert: Not what I was going for.

Me: A flange of firefighters.

Robert: That too.

Me: A  flock of fuzz?

Robert: Close.

Me:A band of men and women in blue?

Robert: You're getting warm.

Me: Not a parliament of police?

Robert: No.

Me: a draft of detectives?

Robert: Warmer.

Me: And their congregation of cars?

Robert: What?

Me: Okay, okay, how about a litter of lieutenants?

Robert: Nope.

Me: Okay, then a scattering of sergeants.

Robert: Sorry.

Me: Okay my last guess: A pack of privates?

Robert You're way off.

Me: Okay smart guy, what then?

Robert: Why it's a copse of cops!


The prompt from the people at Sudio30+ was co…

How Big Bob Met His Maker

If Big Bob Stiff had a weakness it was cheese. He loved the stuff. All kinds. Even blue cheese. If Bob had a second weakness it was fish. All kinds. But particularly sole. He loved it. The one drawback from eating all this cheese was that Bob was in a state of near constant constipation. But he didn't let it deter him. As a result Bob ballooned to 400 lbs. His wife left him. He got fired from his job. He was shunned by his friends.

One day, while surfing the internet, (Do we still say that?) Bob came across an ad for a tourist destination. It was a small, until now secret, island chain called Gouda and Filet. He read on. He was  enamoured by this perfectly named place in the Pacific Ocean and learned the spot was abundant in cheese and fish. Bob wasn't exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer. For him it was a match made in heaven. After all, while cheese was available in Denver, it wasn't exactly a hotspot for fresh fish.

There was only one thing for Bob to do. He sold h…

Now That's Colourful

Giuseppe was from the old country. He himself was old. But he was reasonably well off, able to have provided nicely for his wife Roberta and his seven children Alberto, Bianca, Carlotta, Donato, Ernesto, and twins Francesca and Francesco. Giuseppe thought it was a good idea to stop at seven children because he realized there were 26 letters in the alphabet. Best to stop at F.

That many children in the house meant his days were filled with joy. Well, as much joy as possible after working ten to twelve hours in his workshop creating new colours that first his wife, then eventually a factory full of workers could use to dye the clothes they made for the family firm, Lululampone.

Giuseppe was quite famous for both the soft pastel shades of pink, mauve and baby blue he had created and later, by contrast, when he had grown tired of that the bright shades for the younger set of neon pink, fluorescent green and shocking purple.

One day a sports store company called Giuseppe and asked if he w…

Lonely

Brian fell into a deep dream-filled unconscious state. At least for several hours he could escape the pain. The pain of losing her.

But he dreamt of her. Of the life they had shared. Of the love they had lived. And a smile spread across his face.

But when he awoke his pillow was wet and the tears still ran down his cheeks. It was dark. It was still the middle of the night.

He slipped from beneath the covers and got up to pee. Returning to bed he noticed the lump on the other side of the mattress, that he'd grown so accustomed to over the years, was no longer there. The covers were flat. He'd have to get used to that.

And he'd have to get used to many a restless night, not to mention lonely days, without her. And he'd forever wonder why she did it.  The overdose of sleeping pills she'd taken had proven effective.


This week's prompt from Studio30+ was efficacious/effective