Skip to main content

Posts

Showing posts from 2011

I'm Outta Here

This is the post I wanted to leave you with today.



As the promo said "like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives." Yep, and over the next many days one of the things I'll be doing is spending a lot of time enjoying that sand, on a beach, a tad south of here where it's nothing but sunny and warm save the cervezas which are frosty and cool.

The shorts, sandals, golf-shirts are all packed. The boots, scarves, toques, gloves and heavy winter parkas abandoned in the front hall closet.

This will be my last post for a while. I'm going to close the computer and slowly step away in what I hope is an internet-free vacation. That means no tweets to my twit friends, no Facebook comment thread hijackings and, naturally, no blog posts.

I've loaded up my iPad with music and books and I plan on reading, relaxing, reloading, refuelling, and recharging.

This time tomorrow I'll be on a plane half-way to paradise. As Jimmy Buffet says "changes in lat…

Sunday Funnies

Pause Ponder and Pirouettes

Well, folks, I knew this picture would get a rise out of you. I think this is the Gene Kelly and Fred Astaire male dancer secret handshake. But leave it to you guys to have other ideas.

"See? I told you that these hats defy gravity!" Vaguemax


I ate a bottle of yeast today. I'm rising. Hey, so are you! Quirkyloon


Hazards of the "pull my finger" joke. Shawn


"I see that you too have met Wayne, the Wedgie Master." 00dozo


And our winner is...drum roll...the same guy that went for all the marbles last week. Some would say he's lost his marbles...



Bill and Dan were pretty gassy after eating at the Mexican place. Moooooog







Hey, her, hey Moooooog. You tap danced your way nicely into the winner's spot this week. Congratulations. You be hangin' out with dufus. So wanna get together for Mexican? We have a couple of good places in town and I think it'd be cheaper than dance lessons.

Have A Cold One

Robert Service wrote "there are strange things done 'neath the midnight sun". Well it looks like we can add Alaska's Clifton Vial to that list.

Seems Clifton crashed his truck and got stuck in a snowdrift near Nome.

But Clifton was prepared. He used a sleeping bag to keep warm and started up the truck every once and a while so he could turn on the heater all in an effort to avoid frostbite with the temperature dropping to around the -28C mark.

Unfortunately he had no food with him but he did have a knife and...wait for it...several frozen cans of Coors light.  You know, the beer that's best served chilled? Yeah, so he used his knife to cut the cans and dined on frozen beer. Seems he didn't have to wait for the mountains to turn blue to tell him the beer was cold.

Things all ended happily as Clifton's boss realized he hadn't turned up for work and sent a search party out to find him.

When his rescuers finally found him and asked him if he was okay, Cl…

Pause Ponder and Pun #109

What's up?

It's that time again.

Leave a caption in the comments.

Then fly right back Saturday for our results.

Oh, and you can leave your hat on.

True North Strong and Free.

You know my homeland is a quiet little nation that basically wouldn't hurt a flea. Living next door to the land of the free and the home of the brave isn't easy for such a traditionally namby-pamby nation. But our government is doing its best to catch up, even though we can't seem to make up our minds who we want to emulate. And our government's efforts have been schizophrenic to say the least.

For example, our Prime Minister likes the idea of hanging Obama...his picture that is...in American embassies around the world. Not to be outdone, Stephen Harper ordered pictures of the Queen to be hung in all Canadian embassies. Score one for the Brits.

Meanwhile the Prime Minister likes the idea of the distinctive paint job of Air Force One. So he's ordered one of our Air Force's dull grey Airbuses at his disposal to be painted with "some bright colours". Score one for the Yanks.

Not too long ago, the Prime Minister recently restored the word "Royal&quo…

Sunday Funnies

Pause Ponder and Appropriately Placed Plumage

You guys aren't serious. How could you be after submitting some of those captions? And the rest of you drive-byers, you're far too serious. Look at the hilarity you're missing out on.

In honour of the annually televised Victoria's Secret Revealing Underwear Fest last week - or as I like to call it "Bras and Panties-palooza" - we ran a little picture inspired by VS in which a model displayed an ordinary outfit; one you'd probably wear to work or to do the groceries. Let's see what our contestants came up with...



If that's a swan, she looks like she knows how to dive. Linda Medrano


Awaiting two millennia for the acceptance of same-sex marriages, Archangel Michael finally emerges from his closet. 00dozo


Teacher says, every time a bell rings on the tattoo parlour door, an angel gets her wings. Shawn


Now you may recall Shawn won our last two contests and was aiming for a third this week. However in our little game of groans Shawn's crown was captured by a…

They Call Him The Breeze

by nonamedufus
I don't want to talk about it. The stars certainly are not aligned to help the nebulous nonames make the fantasy league playoffs after our loss this past weekend - our third straight loss. But like I said: I don't want to talk about it.




Your humbled servant went up against Bourbon Blasters this week. He came away on the wrong end of the biggest blowout of the week. What happened? This happened...

"They call me the breeze"

Breeze? Hell, Monday night this was the weather formation that settled over the New Orleans Super Dome as Brees racked up forty-frakin'-five fantasy points. What the hell do they put in this guy's gatorade? 
45 point gale force winds
Yep, Drew wasn't a breeze. He was a god-damn hurricane blowing out the nonames to the tune of 134-92.
The playoffs are now only a remote possibility for the nonames. #1 Purple Drank and #2Predator Press have already clinched a spot. Bourbon Blasters and Renal Failure are in third and fourth spot re…

Pause Ponder and Pun #108 or Can Shawn Go For a Three-peat?

Caption.

In the comments.

See you Saturday.

Boy, Those Movies Are A Gas, Aren't They.

Did you just toot?
Who would have ever predicted the popularity of first the book series and now the movie series based on the deep, dark, mysterious world of rippers. Yes, rippers. I'm speaking, of course, about Fartfright.
Of course the whole genre began with Bram Stoker's skunk-bait masterpiece Diarrhea written back in 1897. Francis Fart Coppola directed a four star film version of the classic in 1992.

Keefer Sutherland and the two Coreys starred in the ripper cult classic in 1987 called The Lost Farts.

And of course who could forget Tom Poohs and Brad Shit in 1994s Interview With the Crop Duster.

But let's return to the current popularity of ripper films. Four films in four years, each more popular than the last. The festival of flatulence began with the movie Fartfright in 2008. A tale of star-struck lovers condemned to immortality because they fart in each other's general direction.

Then came the sequel, The Fartfright Saga: Chuck a Moon in 2009.

In 2010, The Far…

Sunday Funnies

Pause Ponder and Primates

That's right. And along with this endorsement I worked out a sweet deal of a year's supply of Dos Equis. Thanks Most Interesting Man In The World!

Now I was going to write a funny intro full of puns about monkeys but I dipped into the year's supply Dos Equis sent me and the best I could come up with was what you might call pieces of rhesus. So enough monkey business. Let's  swing over the matter at hand. Here's a sampling of this week's captions for the pic that Malisa sent us.


The Missing Link Quirkyloon


Sadly, Olivia Orangutang's mother's words ("If all the humans around you are are jumping off a bridge...") came to her a second too late. Laughingmom


The Cinemax - Late Night version of "Every Which Way But Loose" Moooooog


And the winner...of Pause Ponder and Primates...for two weeks in a row...
I'll jump in the water with you if you touch macaque. Shawn

Well Shawn, it's nice to see you've retained your edge after spending the we…

Nothin' Says Lovin' Like Turducken From The Oven

Well, well, well. My American friends are putting on their expandable waistline pants, sittin' back and watching 3  football games in anticipation of a feast of corn, bread and eel. Well if you were one of the first celebrants back in 1621 you would be. And you'd be giving thanks the Indians hadn't killed you. Times have changed. With Gadaffi gone I don't think anyone's threatening to kill you these days. And eel is just so, well, yesterday. I wrote this last year. If you want to know what Americans are eating this Yanksgiving, read on. 




Happy Thanksgiving to my American friends today. At least we Canadians know how to space out the holidays. Our Turkey Day was in October which gives us far much more time for Christmas shopping!
Anyone having turducken this year?
Say what?

You heard me.
Turd what?
No, no. It's turducken.
You take a de-boned chicken and you stuff it into a de-boned duck and then you stuff that into a de-boned turkey. And if that's not enough…

Pause Ponder and Pun #107

Malisa from Pent-Up Photos supplies us with this week's pic. Thanks Malisa.

They say a dog is man's best friend but I guess an orangutang is woman's. Who would have guessed?

What's your take on this week's pic?

Let me know what monkey business you can get up to.

We'll see you Saturday with our results.