"Today is the Queen's birthday." "Except it's not." "Well it's May 24th." "Except it's not." "Well ,then what the heck's going on." "Only in Canada." "Actually throughout the Commonwealth." Confused? Your humble servant and hokey historian will attempt to explain. Technically all of the statements above are correct. Today is Victoria Day in Canada, where we observe Queen Victoria's birthday and the current monarch's birthday, even though this isn't really Queen Elizabeth's birthday. Queen Victoria (cute little thing isn't she) ruled the commonwealth for over 60 years, dying in 1901. Her birthday was the 24th of May but in Canada we celebrate it on the Monday before or if Monday falls on the 24th. So this year, it's the 18th of May. We do this so we get our first long weekend of the spring/summer season. Hence, May Two-Four. But in Canada this is a double-entendre because ...