nonamedufus

It's party time at nonamedufus !  I live in Ottawa - across the river in Aylmer, Quebec to be precise - and holding a party here can be a real challenge.  Ottawa's a government town where bureaucrats vacate their offices at 4pm and the sidewalks are rolled up by 6pm.  In downtown Ottawa there's a pedestrian mall called Sparks Street a block away from Parliament Hill.  While the street is jammed with civil servants at lunch time, passing through shops and eating at outdoor terraces, you can shoot a cannon down the street at 5pm and not fear hitting anyone except for a flock of pigeons still engaged in plucking dropped french fries off of the pavement. But I digress, I was shanghaied into this party in the comments section of my post Tuesday by CatLadyLarew who invited herself to what then was a non-existent party.  She said she was going to drive up from Rochester  ...and to use a seasonal expression, it kind of snowballed from there. So I got some sna...

Merry Christmas everyone! Humor Bloggers all is calm all is bright. com

Christmas eve! Where did the time go? And as we anticipate Christmas morning with packs of presents under the tree, family near, and a huge turkey dinner tomorrow night, tonight we - as the song goes - will fall asleep counting our blessings. Some of us. For others Christmas isn't all blessings. Here are a few items that crossed my mind or my computer screen last week. And in the spirit of giving, I just thought I'd share them with you. Now that I have an 52" HDTV, news networks run clips of reporters on broadband and Skype. What's up with that? I make a step forward. They take two back. Italian PM Berlusconi was severely disfigured when a deranged man threw a small statue at him breaking his teeth and cutting his face. When hit with the mini-monument was Berlusconi heard to inquire, "Allo, statue?" (I know, bad, bad joke.) An SUV recently crashed into the departures area at Vancouver International Airport. Talk about "checking in...

At Christmas many folks are moved to lift up their voices in song and sing traditional carols. Well, not around here. It's Christmas Carnival Week over at Yule (Howl) Log Dot Com and I've decided to rewrite one of those traditional carols and try to mention as many of my favourite blogger buds as is possible. Think of it as my way of wishing you guys a Merry Christmas. And, hey, it's way cheaper than a gift. This is No Silent Night by nonamedufus This is no silent night, holy night This is Stuff and Nonsense , yeah right Round yon Musings of A Quirkyloon About Zombies, she makes me swoon Out Beyond Left Field Out Beyond Left Field This is no silent night, holy night The Offended Blogger is quite a sight Debbie Does Drivel from heaven afar Crochety Old Man Yells at Cars Christ, Screaming Me-Me me scorns Christ, Screaming Me-Me me scorns This is no silent night, holy night The Unfinished Rambler is getting tight Is Ettarose's Sanity On Edge ? Are those Nanny Goats ...

Well, that special day is drawing near. And as it does my thoughts turn to Christmas as a kid: toys, snow, the tree and, of course, Santa Claus. Growing up as a kid, Christmas was probably the most special day of the whole year. I'd looked forward to it for months. I'd pretty much have the Sears Christmas catalogue memorized by the time I had to pull my wish list together. And if we were lucky, it had snowed in the days leading up to Christmas and we'd make snow angels and snow men. A snowball fight or two with the other kids on the street was a certainty. I grew up in Toronto. In the suburb of Scarborough to be precise. There weren't any big hills near our house - and we didn't have a car - so I had to rely on my friends' parents to drive us and our toboggans to the nearest snowy slope. There was an outdoor skating rink nearby, though, and we would spend hours at Clairlea Park playing shinny . I walked to and from Our Lady of Fatima School everyday. A...

I'd like to thank a special lady for spurring me on...metaphorically speaking - I don't think she's into that kinda stuff...to compile this post today. Yep, you could say she inspired me. Mad Mad Margo over at Screaming Me-Me (how come you always have to repeat yourself) dissed me yesterday . Yeah, she got all up in my face about beating her to the punch with yesterday's post. Imagine that. She had it in mind to do the same post I did. I think you've been out in that Arizona desert sun for too long, my love. Any-hoo, she said she was gonna do a 26-part series starting today called The Fractured ABC's of Christmas . And she challenged me to "scoop that"! Well I don't have a dog, and I usually hesitate when I hit 'P' in the alphabet, so instead I've decided upon the following. I'm gonna do my own little version of the Twelve Days of Christmas - dufus style. A Partridge in a Pear Tree Early? You bet. The twelve days of Ch...

That's it. I've had it. That's the last god damned injustice I'll have to suffer through. Ha, ha, ha...literally. Throughout November's 30 days, the folks over at Humor Bloggers Dot Com , or who I sometimes like to call Huggy Bloggers Not Calm - among other things, have been running with the theme of injustice. 30 days! A whole month! 1/12 th of a year! You think we get the point? Okay, okay, there's a lot of injustice out there. And nobody cares enough to do anything about it. Except a bunch of snivelling , snot-nosed, punch-line deprived humour bloggers (hey, I'm Canadian. I spell humour with a "u". Get over it. Don't get me going on THAT injustice.). So like a dutiful member of this comedic cabal I've been writing a couple of posts a week about various injustices. For example, November 3rd, I took racism head-on . A few days later, on November 6 th , I did another little story on injustice. I think it really measured ...

The Month of Injustice marathon continues over at Huggy Bloggers Dot Com . Never have so many done so little for so few. But not me. Noooooo sirreee! I've been posting several blogs a week now aimed at combatting injustice, real or imagined. And it's time I draw your attention to the mother of injustices - and I'm not talking about Chelle B . Shave my feathers and call me Chicken Little but were you aware the world was coming to an end? Well pluck me! How unjust is that? The apocalypse is upon us - you, me and the four horses you rode in on. I'm talking about 2012. OMG, it's the end of the world! Here's the synopsis of the movie 2012 that hit theatres last week, where art supposedly imitates life: Never before has a date in history been so significant to so many cultures, so many religions, scientists and governments. '2012' is an epic adventure about a global cataclysm that brings an end to the world and tells of the heroic struggle of the sur...

I'm here today to take issue with the symbol of Anti Injustice Week used by those sycophants (ooo-hoo...such a big word so early in the week) over at Brown-Noser Dot Com . That picture up there - yeah, the clenched fist - is a friggin' injustice. What are we, Black Panthers or something? Somebody, probably that blonde bimbette with that cutesy name who lives in a fall-out shelter in Idaho and offends me , dreamed up this symbol and the rest of us sheep just fell into line, yeah, to extend the mutton metaphor, just like lambs to the slaughter. Using a clenched fist is an injustice. We should have at least extended a digit. Look at this guy. He knows how to express an injustice! You go guy. Now that's the way to flip the bird. You know, sadly not everyone is able to "give 'em the finger". Consider poor Jerry Garcia who lost two thirds if his middle right finger at the age of four when his brother, while chopping up some firewood, missed the log Jerr...

Arrow Slinger Dufus Who the heck are these guys? Well, let me explain. Over at Humor Festivals R Us Dot Com funny folks continue to blog about injustice throughout the entire month. You might say that instead of doing our own haphazard humour posts, we've decided to just say no to No- vember . You can see what I mean by clicking on that link up there and enjoying all the most recent stories in our Anti-Injustice campaign. One of our injustice fighters really deserves special mention, and I'm here to toot her horn - in a manner of speaking. Mad Mad Margo over at Screaming Me-Me may have a scary user and blog name but she's got an injustice fighting heart of gold (even though I've yet to win her damn captioning contest). She's also got a knack for design, so much so she won the HBDC blog design of the year award this year. She's also a very funny lady and if you haven't been by her place yet, click on over. Margo's one of my regular commenters ...

That's right folks. nonamedufus prides himself in routing out injustice everywhere, exposing it, and crushing it beneath the toes of his goose-stepping, hobnailed, steel-toed boots. This month is "anti-injustice" month at Humor Bloggers Dot "I Could Care Less" . We do things a little different over there and that's exactly what I intend to do today. Let's see if you can care...a little. Today I want to do justice to an injustice near and dear to my heart...and expose the exploitation of the lowly pun. Puns have never done anything to us, so why do we exploit them as we go for the cheap laugh, making them feeling tawdry and dirty. Oh, because it's so hard for humour addicts to resist a snicker, chuckle, snort or guffaw. Let me show you what I mean. And I'll identify the puns. Think of it as the literary equivalent of a short electric shock. Once upon a time in a little village lived a dwarf. (Okay, in retrospect, now that you know my mis...

Rise up brothers and sisters. Gather round and hold my hand as we pray to the Lord above in an effort to rid the world of a terrible injustice against us all. You heard me: "an injustice". Yep, November is "Anti-Injustice month, where couch activists like me at Humor Bloggers Dot actus reus are taking a stand - 'cause Party Palace Rentals repossessed their chairs - against injustice. I have undertaken to play my small part in this crusade. Yes, that's right. Follow along, if I haven't lost you already, as I raise my hand, er, ah voice against the heinous injustice of racism. The Americans have conquered racism. You rarely hear a disparaging word about African Americans. You rarely hear a word at all other than in a sports context. Thank God for Mexicans - but if they know what's good for them they better hurry up and learn how to play football. In Canada we've conquered the French. Oops, Freudian slip. I meant we've conquered racism. Descendant...

I'm gonna cast my mind way back today...and at my age that ain't easy. As we approach Halloween a couple of interweb sites I belong to are cranking themselves up over all things boo-y. Theme Thursday has chosen Halloween as it's theme today and of course Humor Bloggers Dot Boo has got their freak on - literally - all week. Drop over to both sites and follow the links for some scary stuff. Woah, woah, woah...not yet. Read my stuff first, then go there to get your monster mash. Halloween in my day used to be the time of year dentists just loved. I recall one year, several months past Halloween when I made a trip to the scariest place on earth for me - Dr. Hacking - only to discover the kindness of my neighbours and two months of lugging their largess to school for snacks had resulted in 17 cavities. After 17 fillings you can bet there was a whole lot of shaking going on. Yet if that was the worst that could happen, so what. We didn't have razor blades and pins s...

'Twas the night before Halloween, when all through our home Not a creature was stirring, not even a gnome The pumpkins were carved by the front door with care In hopes the Addams family soon would be there The children were costumed in orange, black and red While visions of chocolate bars danced in their heads Ma wore a kerchief, and I in my cap Had just locked the door for a ten minute crap When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter I sprang from the throne to see what was the matter I leaned to zip up my pants in a flash And inflicted on my hoo-haw a most hurtful gash The moon on the breast of the woman below Gave the lustre of mid-day to Elvira - she glowed When, what to my wondering eyes should appear But Father Roy with a six pack of beer With a little young boy, who's name was Nick I knew in a moment I must act real quick More rapid than eagles my curses they came And I whistled and shouted and called him names Now Father you pervert, stop prancing you vixen Is the t...