Mama Always Said...

Remember this immortal line from the movie Forrest Gump?

Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates.

You never know what you're gonna get.

A simple philosophy, shared by a simple man. But what you may not know is that the screenwriters of that film went through a number of drafts before the came to what they considered the most appropriate quote. Oh, yes. And I'd like to share with you today some of the gems they discounted.

First there were the other confection-related words of witticism.

Mama always said life was like a box of M&Ms.

Melts in your mouth, not in your hand.

Mama always said life was like Reese's peanut butter cups.

Two great tastes that taste great together.

Mama always said life was like Doublemint gum or a three-way.

Double your pleasure, double your fun.

But the screenwriting team soon saw they were going in a direction they hadn't intended and decided to think more broadly utilizing a simpler construct.

Mama always said life was like a hammer.

You never know when you're gonna whack your thumb.

Mama always said life was like a toaster.

You never know when you'll get burned.

Are you picking up on the contrasting aspects of the two sentences? Let's try a few more.

Mama always said life was like a pair of pants.

You never know when you'll catch you junk in the zipper.

Mama always said life was like TSA security agents.

They've got the whole world in their hands.

The writers knew they were getting close with:

Mama always said life was like a bowl of ice cream.

If you don't eat it quickly on a hot day it'll melt all over your friggin' lap.

And they came pretty close to getting it when, after many hours in a tiny, locked, smokey room and several bottles of Jim Beam, they came up with the following, which I believe they left in the director's cut:

Mama always said life is not like a box of chocolates.

It's more like a jar of jalapenos.

What you do today can burn your ass tomorrow.

And they thought they'd gotten it right when, just before that they'd come up with:

Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates.

You eat too many and you get the runs, Forrest, runs.

You see what the screenwriting process is like?

Mama always said you had to wade through a lot of crap

Before you could get to a box of chocolates.