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Send Him Back

Randy Quaid, despite his protestations to the contrary, is crazy. The Hollywood actor and his equally loopy life-partner Evi are seeking amnesty in Canada. Uh, huh. Why? Because the the two are convinced "Hollywood star whackers" are out to kill them just as they have Chris Penn, David Carradine and Heath Ledger.

Quaid - Whacko

Say what? Oh, yeah. Now you know why they call Southern California "la-la land". These two are a couple of fruit loops.

And Randy can't understand why his more famous brother Dennis is ignoring his warnings. Cue Twilight Zone sound effect: *do-do-do-do, do-do-do-do*

And you thought the Baldwin brothers were Hollywood's haywire family.

Carradine - Whacked?

I'm starting a petition right now to urge the Government of Canada to send Randy Quaid back to where he came from. Who'll join me?

Think about it. What's next? Charlie Sheen seeks refugee status because he'll be persecuted by prostitutes in his homeland? Paris Hilton hightails it North because someone told her, in her words, "It's hot." Oh, I know, I know. David Spade wants to start life over in a Canadian sit-com. He'd be better off in the witness protection program where no one would see him. Oh, then I guess a Canadian sit-com would be perfect. I mean, holy crap, folks. Canada could soon be deluged by freaked-out unfunny Hollywood types. We could become a dumping ground for around the bend American actors.

And if you let one in, you'll have to let them all in. And you know what'll happen then? Geez, Celine Dion will want to come home.

Dion - Weird!

This whacked-out tale first appeared at Parody Files, a pretty whacky place in itself.


Quirkyloon said…

But you hurt me wicked hard when you dissed fruit loops. That happens to be one of my faves, brings back many loony and loopy memories.

hee hee
nonamedufus said…
Quirks: Okay, sorry. How about he's crazy for Cocoa Puffs?
00dozo said…
Hey, don't be dissin' my Cocoa Puffs either!

I think Quaid actually played "himself" in Independence Day - I mean, really, he played it perfectly.
nonamedufus said…
00dozo: Yeah, but didn't he die in that movie?
Linda Medrano said…
I thought he was dead. But maybe I'm thinking of that other guy. Belushi?
nonamedufus said…
Linda: Yeah, that other guy's definitely dead. Quaid only died in a movie.
Whitey said…
Couldn't we just put them all in the Michael Moriarty compound in Maple Ridge?
nonamedufus said…
Whitey: Hey, that's a great idea. I completely forgot about Michael Moriarty. This harbouring of American ass-hats started when we gave that guy citizenship after he drank himself silly in Halifax bars after his turn on Law and Order. Why do we keep doing this to ourselves?

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