Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Mel Gibson, Tom Cruise, Colin Farrel...you know the list, it goes on and on. The list of Hollywood hick-ups who not content to meltdown behind closed doors have to drag each and every detail out into the light of day and share it with all of us. Well, add Charlie Sheen to that luckless and lascivious list of losers. In the past few days he's been on every major media soapbox complaining abut how he's been treated and how he's misunderstood. Last night he spent an hour on ABC's 20/20 "in his own words". Charlie, you should have stuck to the script.
"I have a highly evolved brain".
You know I never did like that song by Helen Reddy in the 70s "I Am Woman". But I have to say the melody really leant itself well to a parody of Hollywood's latest flame-out, Charlie Sheen. Although I never thought I'd hear myself say this, my sincerest apologies to Helen Reddy. And now if you're ready (a little play on words there), let's begin...
I'm a train wreck hear me roar
Like La-Lohan I'm a bore
I'm on a drug. It is called Charlie Sheen
And I keep coming back for more
And I've been down there on the floor
Hurling internal organs like my spleen
Chorus
Oh no I'm not wise
But it's dumbness that's ingrained
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how I'm so lame
If I have to, I can ingest anything
I'm a God
I'm unprincipled
I'm a train wreck
I'm a train wreck watch me speed
'Cause it only serves my selfish needs
I'm a wasted, sotten, rotten kinda guy
And I'm accused of being a goner
Not a nice guy any longer
But with my money there's nothing I can't buy
chorus
I'm a train wreck, watch me go
See me throwing up on my toes
As I spread my lovin' legs for all to see
Yes for the ladies I still go
With a long, long... well, you know
And still I'm having trouble when I pee
Oh yes I am wasted
And I'm in a lot of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I've fame
If I have to I can ingest anything
I'm a God
I'm an idiot
I am Charlie
Hear me.... zzzzzzzz
If you're looking for this week's Pause Ponder and Pun, I've just delayed it a day. Come on back tomorrow.
Comments
Oh, Christmas came early for me last night when he started tweeting. He is the present that keeps on giving.
"Like La-Lohan, I'm a bore"
*SNORT*
I love it! LMBO!
Most gorgeous line: "And I've been down there on the floor
Hurling internal organs like my spleen" -- Beautiful!
http://bit.ly/emoeui
Bravo!
Radical! ^_^
I need to go find the Karaoke version of the song so I can sing to the melody with your lyrics.
Great post - fun lyrics! Um, but the pic almost looks like a wasted Barry Manilow (Sorry Barry in case you are reading this).
;-)
I cringe every time Charlie Sheen opens his mouth - but you just can't make this up even if you wanted to!
That song was really great!
I hope Charlie gets to hear it someday! :-)
Good song, Dufus.
Charlie said he has Adonis DNA...testosterone and money...can make you into what ever the eff you want. He will burn out and possibly look worse. But he has his two goddesses to take care of him.
Most excellent lyrical composition, dufus.
It is unfortunate that any of us have to watch it. I see a lot of Lohan in myself. 80-90's partying...I think that really ruins the makeup. Thank goodness it was just my parents that reamed me for it and not the world. I personally think the if then want to get down and dirty with the personal and I commented this on the Hoff video the daughter did). Catch him taking a crap and we will all debate his grunting techniques and please tell us does his poop smell...
Good song, Dufus.
Charlie said he has Adonis DNA...testosterone and money...can make you into what ever the eff you want. He will burn out and possibly look worse. But he has his two goddesses to take care of him.
Great post - fun lyrics! Um, but the pic almost looks like a wasted Barry Manilow (Sorry Barry in case you are reading this).
;-)
I cringe every time Charlie Sheen opens his mouth - but you just can't make this up even if you wanted to!
http://bit.ly/emoeui