Every once and a while I'll wander off the front pages of newspapers and turn away from prime time newscasts to, as Lou Reed so aptly put it, take a walk on the wild side. There's a whole other world out there beyond politics and current affairs and luckily for you I'm here to guide you through some of the wackier headlines and stories. Here, gentle reader, is the latest edition of...noname news.
Some headline writer somewhere had a field day with this story - a pumpkin field to be precise.
Giant pumpkin squashes competition in California weigh-off, sets new state record
I thought that was a really gourd one! Oh by the way, the giant jack o' lantern weighed 1,658 pounds. It's owner's now a real heavyweight in the pumpkin growing business.
Spoon in June under a bright full moon. Tin Pan Alley songwriters used to try their best to find rhymes for moon. But there was no rhyme or reason for this moon. In a story headlined
Once in a black and blue moon...
we are told of a young German fellow who, upon being ejected from a train for not having a ticket decided to moon train employees and proceeded to press his bare butt up against the train window. Alas his pants got caught on a carriage door (and he's lucky that was all he caught) and the naked nincompoop got dragged 200 meters out of the station and down the tracks. All I can say is what a bummer - end of story.
Talk about a golf course water hazard. A golfer in Beaufort, South Carolina lost part of his arm when he went to retrieve his ball out of a pond. Turns out a 10 foot alligator called that pond home. Gives new meaning to the phrase golf handicap. And if he continues to play, I guess you'd say you really have to give the guy a hand!
Born with half a brain, woman living full life
This headline jogged my memory, you might say. It tells the tale of a woman who suffered a pre-natal stroke that left her with the use of only half of her brain. However, by the age of 27 her doctors determined that her brain had virtually rewired itself. Why did this jog my memory? Because my mother would always wag her finger at me and say "Why I have half a mind to..." (insert parental threat here) And I'd think to myself "Mom, if you had half a mind you'd be dangerous!"
And that's this installment of noname news. We now return you to our regularly scheduled blog.