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Circulation Problems


No I'm not talking about a hardening of the arteries, but then again a congestion of this kind of artery may result in high blood pressure.

The Urban Dictionary defines "traffic" as: a collection of cars, all of which just so happen to have left for their destination at the exact SECOND as you and are in the same spot as you, at the same time as you, illegally defying the law of probability. Also an old band that Steve Winwood used to play in.


Traffic. It's the bane of our existence. Whether it's crawling down the road during rush hour or maneuvering in and out of road construction, there's just no avoiding...TRAFFIC. Here's a few lighter items for you to recall the next time you're stuck in traffic, that gives truth to that old maxim "There's always somebody worse off than you".

A little old lady was standing on the street corner waiting for the light to turn green when all of a sudden she heard a "beep, beep" sound. She turned to the gentleman standing beside her and asked, "My word, what the heck is that beeping sound?" The man turned to the old lady and said, "Madam, that sound is to warn blind people that the light is turning red." "Land sakes," said the woman, "Since when did they let blind people drive???"

A snail was crossing the road when he was run over by a tortoise. A policeman came along and asked him how it happened. "I don't know," replied the snail, "It all happened so fast!

One morning, a woman and her baby wee taking the bus. As she entered the bus the driver says, "Wow, that is one ugly baby!"

The woman is deeply hurt, and she takes a seat next to an elderly man. The man asks her, "What's wrong? You look mad."

She replied, "I am. That bus driver just insulted me."

You shouldn't take that from him," the man says. "He's a public servant and should show you respect. If I was you I would take his badge number and report him."

"You're right sir, I think I will report him."

The elderly man says, You go on up there and get his badge number, and I'll hold your monkey for you."

A man was driving when a trafic camera flashed. He thought his picture was taken for exceeding the speed limit, even though he knew he was not speeding. Just to be sure he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. He thought this was quite funny, so he slowed down even further as he drove past the area, but the traffic camera flashed yet again. He tried a fourth time with the same result. The fifth time he was laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past at a snail's pace.

Two weeks later, he got five traffic fine letters in the mail for not wearing his seatbelt.


For more takes on "traffic" motor on over to the the folks at Theme Thursday.

Comments

Jill said…
Okay...I laughed out loud about the baby/monkey on the bus!!!

The bane of our existence huh? Well I agree to some extent! I hate traffic!
nonamedufus said…
Jill: Don't you just hate getting stuck in traffic?
tee hee!

the joke with the punchline "when did they let blind people drive?" reminded me of a real life story a friend told me about her elderly mother getting a handicap sticker from her state's dmv because of a rapidly progressing macular degeneration. yikes!

happy theme thursday!
nonamedufus said…
mouse: Yeah, blindness is a handicap.
Brian Miller said…
lol. i would love to reprogram the road signs like that. did you see last year when someone did and had them saying zombies ahead? too funny. like the tourtoise and snail...all about perspective.
Wings said…
Fun stuff! 2nd time I have seen that multi-light pic today! And that traffic jam pic is just wince-inducing!
nonamedufus said…
Brian: I did see that. Quite funny. Imagine seeing that on your drive home.
nonamedufus said…
Wings: We don't get traffic jams like that where I live. I couldn't imagine coping with that every day.
moooooog35 said…
Sitting in traffic = my only alone time of the day.

That reminds me...I need a new box of tissues for the car.
CatLadyLarew said…
Well done, dufus, well done!
Me-Me King said…
I hate traffic!!! I always feel I'm being punished for something as I sit and sit and sit. BTW, I LOLed at the bus story - funny!

Question. Just how many round does your little friend's clip hold? Yikes!
VE said…
I cannot believe we didn't duplicate photos on our posts. I had a couple of those but didn't use them in the end. Funny stuff!
Quirkyloon said…
Ah Noname you never disappoint!

That baby/monkey was hilarious!

I loved it.

LMBO
nonamedufus said…
moooooog: Hmmmm...I've really got to hand it to you.
nonamedufus said…
CatLady: Thank you ma'am.
nonamedufus said…
Me-Me: I hate traffic to. But we've all got to deal with it. My little friend is amply loaded.
nonamedufus said…
VE: Thanks, man. Yeah sometimes pics can be predictable.
nonamedufus said…
Quirks: Heh, heh, you liked that eh? There don't seem to be a lot of traffic jokes out there.
e said…
Love the humour! Happy TT!
Roy said…
Yup, traffic - it's better to laugh at it than cry about it (or raise your blood pressure over it!). Love the "since when do they let blind people drive" joke.
nonamedufus said…
Roy: There are times when we all direct the question at other drivers, safe inside our cars with rolled up windows, "Are you &#%@+#@ blind???"
Don said…
Poor lady and that butt ugly baby. I've seen a few of those creeping around town. Thank God I don't have to deal with the traffic in the picture! What a nightmare daily!
nonamedufus said…
Don: Oh, really, Don. I don't think I could cope with it especially on a daily basis.
Megan said…
That traffic light picture is hilarious - where is that?

Great funnies today, duf. I giggled!
Birdieguy said…
I love these pics..
Sandra Leigh said…
I loved (and laughed at) the whole post, but "In the Name of Love" is too wonderful. I want all our stop signs replaced by those.
nonamedufus said…
Megan: I don't know where it's from. It can't be for real. - Giggling what it's all about!
nonamedufus said…
Birdieguy: Thanks guy.
nonamedufus said…
Sandra: Yeah, that was a great sign! It'd make me stop.
Knucklehead said…
Great stuff, Dufus. Loved the "Late for work, HAHA" one. Living on SoCal, traffic is just a fact of life. A crappy fact, but a fact nonetheless. When my daughter was about three, we were sitting in the parking lot known as Interstate 10 and she asked what I thought was a brilliant question:

"Why doesn't the person in front just go faster?"

That says it all, really.
nonamedufus said…
DK: We have an expression for rush hour traffic which i'm sure is universal: "hurry up and wait"
Baino said…
Haha much fun. Please tell me those traffic lights are a sculpture and not meant to be 'read' by motorists!
Dreamhaven said…
Great pictures and stories.
I found the electric sign especially funny and the guy who got those tickets deserved them,lol
I once spent four hours on the LA freeway driving 17 miles. I wanted to start shooting. But if I'd had this post with me, I might have made it through with a smile.
nonamedufus said…
Baino: I sure hope you're right!
nonamedufus said…
Deamhaven: Yeah, whoever programmed that sign had a great sense of humour.
nonamedufus said…
MikeWJ: Toronto, Montreal and Vancouver would have to be the worst Canadian cities for traffic. But still they don't compare to what you've described.
Anonymous said…
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Knucklehead said…
Great stuff, Dufus. Loved the "Late for work, HAHA" one. Living on SoCal, traffic is just a fact of life. A crappy fact, but a fact nonetheless. When my daughter was about three, we were sitting in the parking lot known as Interstate 10 and she asked what I thought was a brilliant question:

"Why doesn't the person in front just go faster?"

That says it all, really.
tee hee!

the joke with the punchline "when did they let blind people drive?" reminded me of a real life story a friend told me about her elderly mother getting a handicap sticker from her state's dmv because of a rapidly progressing macular degeneration. yikes!

happy theme thursday!
Jill said…
Okay...I laughed out loud about the baby/monkey on the bus!!!

The bane of our existence huh? Well I agree to some extent! I hate traffic!

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