Slings And Arrows #1

If there’s one thing this blog hasn’t attempted yet, it’s political satire. Well, I think it’s time. So folks, nonamedufus would like to introduce you to his satirizing sidekick Uni Blogger. (Everyone: “Hi Uni!”) Each week, Uni and I will share with you a new feature called Slings and Arrows. We couldn’t call it Darts and Laurels. After all, that would mean one of us would have to be nice to someone, and we can’t have that. So Slings and Arrows it is. Which of us is which is immaterial because we’re both gonna heap it on. So we’ll try to share our notion of the state of the nation with you at least once a week – same bat place, same bat channel. To kick us off, here's a little something we both worked on...

HONESTY IN POLITICS
by Uni Blogger and nonamedufus

OTTAWA (S&A) In a development seldom seen in federal politics and one which rocked the very foundations of Parliamentary procedure the New Democratic Party today undertook a new approach to political discourse…honesty! The party released the following news release:

APOLOGY FROM THE NDP

OVER THE PAST SEVERAL MONTHS, LEADERS OF THE NEW DEMOCRATIC PARTY HAVE MADE STATEMENTS THAT MAY HAVE LEFT THE IMPRESSION THAT PRIME MINISTER HARPER AND HIS GOVERNMENT ARE A BUNCH OF UNTRUSTWORTHY LIARS AND THAT WE WOULD UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SUPPORT THEM .

FOR EXAMPLE…
"New Democratic Party Leader Jack Layton made clear his MPs are poised to vote against the budget regardless of what's in it because he doesn't trust Harper.
'If the Liberals decide to support Mr. Harper, I have to tell them they should know this — they will be doing it alone,' Layton said in a speech to his parliamentary caucus." (Ottawa Citizen Jan 19 2009)

"(Deputy Leader Thomas)Mulcair said the partisan measures in last week's economic statement showed Harper cannot be trusted ... "It showed his true face. It showed his true colours." Mulcair said. 'It let us know who we were dealing with - someone who simply could not be trusted under any circumstances. And we will not trust him, not give him the slightest possibility to go forward with this and we will vote him down under the first opportunity.'" (Toronto Star Dec 5, 2008 under the Headline: NDP AFFIRMS ITS PLEDGE TO BRING DOWN THE HARPER GOVERNMENT AT EARLIEST OPPORTUNITY

"I've been working with Mr. Harper now for quite a few years, I've lost confidence, I've lost a sense of trust that he'll do what he said. ...If you look, he said there'd be lots of money for infrastructure, most of that money is still sitting in the federal bank account. It hasn't made it to the mayors and councillors who have projects they can be working in right now." (interview with Peter Mansbridge Dec 10, 2008)

WE TRULY APOLOGIZE IF THE ABOVE STATEMENTS LEFT THE WRONG IMPRESSION. WHAT WE REALLY MEANT IS THE FOLLOWING:

The federal New Democrats said Wednesday they will help to prevent a potential election by supporting the Conservatives’ stay in power when a confidence vote is held in the House of Commons on Thursday (Ottawa Citizen Oct 1 2009.

Political observers and pundits observed and pundited that this new, fresh, honest approach to political discourse was welcomed but wondered if leader Jack Layton may have hurt himself in the worst case of political ass-kissing whiplash ever seen.

Mr. Layton is singing a different tune.