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What Do I Have For Breakfast While Reading My E-Mails?

Dear:
AhmedHassan
Azeem Igwedo
Joy Mgobo
Sarah Kamel (aka The Princess)
...and the 437 Other Esteemed Members Of My Spam Folder

Thank you for taking the time out of your busy day to correspond with me. I am very grateful you have picked me to offer among other things:

a) the winning e-mail address in your fictitious but multi-million dollar lottery
b) a larger penis
c) your hand in i)friendship, ii)marriage iii) an illicit long distance homosexual relationship
d) graphic design services
e) the latest post from moooooog (HOW DID HE GET IN HERE?)
f) a foreign partnership in exchange for my bank account number
g) unclaimed cheque at UPS
h) to close down my Yahoo e-mail account unless I supply all my personal information including password
i) waiting for my URGENT response
j) 50% of the life savings of some woman from Ireland who lives in Africa (or vice-versa) with ovarian cancer who has "two days to leave"
k) 23 year-old Miss Chistiana from Guinea, Bissau who would "really appreciate if we can click together as one great lovers"
l) close to 400 entreaties from Ouagadougou Burkina Faso West Africa, the spam factory capital of the world, each offering me millions of dollars in return for me helping them get their money out of the country.

I'm overwhelmed by your largess and offers of friendship and untold riches. Alas, I am married...to a woman...and have all the riches I need to be happy and content, including a reasonably sized penis. Or so I've been told.

So please, please you useless piece of pestilent poop (except you Moooooog) stop clogging up the interwebs, and my e-mail in baskets with your useless and time-wasting drivel.

And NO we can't still be friends.

Yours in spamness,

nonamedufus



Comments

CatLadyLarew said…
Busy packaging up my Spam to ship it back to the Vikings!
So this is what you came up with after yesterday's writer's block? This is it?!!? Okay, I guess, it will do. :) Nice addition with mooooog. Next time: use reference to me and it will be even better.
nonamedufus said…
CatLady: Okay. He, welcome aboard HBDC!
nonamedufus said…
UR: Actually I wrote a post for my political satire blog. The Slings And Arrows piece was much better. This was all I had left.
moooooog35 said…
I noticed that my posts get dumped to my spam folder, too.

I should probably stop trying to give away millions with my V!agr@ enhanced giant penises from Nigeria.

Nah.
Canadu said…
Always write Nigerians back to screw with them.
Quirkyloon said…
Ha!

Yep, I suspect moooog IS a spammer in disguise.

And could do me a solid? Respond to the money offers and then bestow on....oh, I don't know...

ME?

hee hee
nonamedufus said…
moooooog: My bad. I shifted your e-mails to my spam box. hee, hee. Already got yo n my blogroll.
nonamedufus said…
Canadu: You got it, Pontiac.
nonamedufus said…
Quirks: I would do anything for love, but I won't do that.
Nooter said…
mmm.... spam...
nonamedufus said…
Nooter: This stuff can be ruff to digest.
Don said…
I'm overwhelmed by your largess... See? Right off the bat I read "largess" as "large ass". Must be the heat down here.
Anyway, Spam keeps better in the fridge. At least moooooog's does. K-9 crap you know?
nonamedufus said…
Don: Large ass, yeah that's a good one. Not that I'd be slighting any female Nigerian spammers now.
Nick said…
You know, if it wasn't for the South, we wouldn't have spam or home shopping channels...

Nick
www.wastedcarbon.com
ReformingGeek said…
What Nooter said and I think my cat ate some. He's farting again.
I'm a first time visitor from Cleveland. I saw your link on Dani's (Mom's Crazy Life) site and decided to click-through.

And I'm already loving your blog. Your message to the spammers had me cracking up. Just my kind of humor! I think I won one of those lotteries this morning as well.

I'll visit back for sure. Thanks...
nonamedufus said…
Nick: Same thing. The HSC lets Joan Rivers on there very second day to hawk her jewelry
nonamedufus said…
RG: Oh, poor you. I hate when that happens.
nonamedufus said…
Constant Complainer from Cleveland: Nice alliteration. Hey, glad you found me and enjoy our take on things here. Look forward to having you back.
Knucklehead said…
Way to go, Dufus! You let 'em have it, the damn spammers!

"reasonably sized?"
nonamedufus said…
DK: Well, I don't wanna brag, but...
You're surprised that moooooog's post ended up in your junk e-mail folder? That surprises me.

Oh, wait. This is the week we roast mooooog. Sorry.
nonamedufus said…
MikeWJ: Actually, I kept getting so many Blog Caltalog broadcasts from Moooooog I started filing them in my spam box until they just automatically would go there! Totally forgot to check until I researched this post - haha.
I'm a first time visitor from Cleveland. I saw your link on Dani's (Mom's Crazy Life) site and decided to click-through.

And I'm already loving your blog. Your message to the spammers had me cracking up. Just my kind of humor! I think I won one of those lotteries this morning as well.

I'll visit back for sure. Thanks...
You're surprised that moooooog's post ended up in your junk e-mail folder? That surprises me.

Oh, wait. This is the week we roast mooooog. Sorry.

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