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In The Lap Of Luxury

Boy talk about good fortune falling into your lap...literally.



Some guy in Palm Beach Florida was out for an evening with the boys at a strip club. He ordered a lap dance. One thing led to another and he got the heel of the woman's shoe in his eye. He sued. He's been awarded $650,000!

You've got to ask yourself a couple of questions. First up, how does a guy getting a lap dance get a shoe in the eye?

Hmmm.

A table dance, maybe.

Hmmm.

It must have been a pretty elaborate lap dance. Usually guys have their eyes elsewhere, other than the lady's feet.

Hmmm.

So, like, maybe the guy didn't like lap dances and was standing on his head to see if it'd help if he looked at things from a different angle.  

Hmmm.

Do you think she'd bump and grind her heel into his eye?

Hmmm.

How was it he came into contact with the sole (pun intended) article of clothing this woman was probably wearing.

Hmmm.

Maybe the guy told the stripper "I've got my eye on you".

Hmmm.

Maybe she told him "I think you're gonna get a kick out of this".

Hmmm.

And when he was awarded his settlement in court did the media headline this story "The thrill of lap dancing, the agony of da feet"?

Hmmm.

All I can say is man, why didn't I think of that instead of wasting $10 a week on lottery tickets.

Comments

Moooooog35 said…
That's 32,500 lap dances if I've done my math correctly.

Just a regular Tuesday at a strip club for me.
nonamedufus said…
Moooooog: You spend $650,000 on lap dances every Tuesday?!
Jen said…
Never having had a lap dance, or given one with heels, I can't really say how this might have happened. However, if it had been Moooooog getting the lap dance it is easy to see why a shoe might have ended up in his eye.
nonamedufus said…
Jen: What, a short joke? Are you saying Moooooog doesn't measure up?
Boom Boom Larew said…
I bet the story was actually about Moooooog and that's how he finances his new bachelor life. (And future lap dances.) Guess that lap dancer is going to take a few more years now to work her way through Law School. Talk about da agony of da feet!
nonamedufus said…
Boom Boom: Ha, ha I wonder if he sued her ass off...metaphorically speaking, of course.
Quirkyloon said…
I don't understand. What's a lap dance?

I would think the harm would be to his thighs as she stood on his lap.

Okay. I see now. That would definitely hurt.

Bad.
00dozo said…
Maybe he had a foot fetish and was undressing her toes with his eye?
nonamedufus said…
Quirks: Yeah those spiked heels can really hurt a guy's lap...or eye.
nonamedufus said…
00dozo: I think you may have solved this! And your comment doesn't overlap with anyone else's.
Ziva said…
What an amateur. I would never poke anyone's eye out while giving them a lap dance.
nonamedufus said…
Ziva: That's good to know! No wonder they call you Diva.
Boom Boom Larew said…
No more lap dances from me until I get this damn cast off my foot!
nonamedufus said…
Boom Boom: Yeah you wouldn't poke someone's eye, you'd knock them right out! haha
cardiogirl said…
I'm embarrassed to admit that I didn't full understand what a lap dance involved until my husband explained it a few years ago.

I think it went something like this.

Me: What's the big deal about a lap dance? So she sits on his lap and moves her arms around.

Him: She moves more than her arms.

Me: What? She taps her toes to the music?

Him: No. (Raises his eyebrows.)

Me: She moves her hips?

Him: Yeah. And she grinds them on his lap (raises his eyebrows and tips his chin down for emphasis.)

Me: But if she did that the guy might... (light bulb goes on.)

Him: Yes. That's what a lap dance is.

Me: No way.

Him: I'm just telling you what it is.

Me: (Sits in stunned silence then cringes.)

What was your question again, noname?
nonamedufus said…
CG: Wouldn't you agree she must have been grinding more than her fanny to have poked the guy in the eye?
cardiogirl said…
Um, yes. I don't get how she could grind with her feet in the air. I mean logistically speaking it seems there would be very little contact with her feet near his eyes.

I really want to see the explanation that went with the lawsuit. I bet the Smoking Gun is already on that.
nonamedufus said…
CG: She must have put on some act...a real artiste. To paraphrase Dustin Hoffman's character in The Graduate, "We're missing a terrific effect here."
Linda Medrano said…
I've never given a lap dance that would injure anyone's eye. Even when I twirled the tassels, no injuries occurred. I cannot imagine how her stiletto heel got close to the person's eye. Queer!
nonamedufus said…
Linda: Ah, Lascivious Linda the stripper with your safety in mind!

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