Skip to main content

One Man's Relatives Are Another Man's Jail Mates

Get this guy.  You may have seen this story at New Year's.  A 35 year-old Italian decides he'd rather go to jail than spend New Year's with his wife and relatives.

He tells police to throw him in jail and they say they can't because he hasn't committed a crime.  So he threatens a convenience store owner with a box cutter, steals some candy and gum and waits for the police to arrive.

Now this is too much.  Why in the world would he do this?  Are his relatives members of the Cosa Nostra?  

Is his father-in-law the local Don...and I don't mean Don Juan...?

Or maybe it's just a big family and he didn't look forward to hanging out with them.  Hell we had close to 25 people over for Christmas and you didn't see me pulling something silly like that.

Why in the world would the guy rather spend the night in jail than with his relatives?  Hmm....

Well I did a little research.  And although it was time-consuming I felt I owed it to my readers.

So here we go...

Here's the guy's charming wife, Isabella "Gummy" Bella:

His dear mother-in-law Carla "Beak" Bella, who you can tell is on her way over for a visit when her nose turns the corner:

The father-in-law, Lucio "Legs" Bella.  He's the one that wears the pants in the family...some days:

And here's his brothers-in-law, the Bella Brothers, the only team entered into that rare Sicilian athletic event, the 6x6 bread stick relay.  The only place they're being chased is out of town.

Hmmm....  I think I'm starting to see just how smart this guy is.


Moooooog35 said…
Depending on your family, sometimes prison rape is your only true choice.

Don't ask me how I know that.
nonamedufus said…
Moooooog: You've always got a hand up on these things. Turns out this guy seems to have had the right idea.
Quirkyloon said…
I have the opposite problem.

The family conveniently "forgets" to tell me when and where the gatherings are.

Could it be my singing?

Thanks for getting to the heart of this story. I knew there was more to it when I heard about it, and you, in the way only a Canadian can, cut to the chase.
Don said…
I spent a Thanksgiving in jail once when my in-laws were coming over to eat. That's not the reason I was in jail though. That's just where I was when they carved the turkey. I had bologna and Frosted Flakes.
Me-Me King said…
After browsing the family photo album, I don't blame him one bit. Talk about losing your appetite...ack, ack, buuu-iccccck.

Go directly to jail, do not pass "Go" and do not collect $200.
Kirsten said…
It's weird. The last time I had Easter at my house, my mom stole some hubcaps, my dad flashed someone at the park and my siblings all got sent to the drunk tank that morning. I had Easter by myself. I can't figure that out to this day. Hmmmmm
nonamedufus said…
Quirks: Ha, ha ha. I can't understand why.
nonamedufus said…
UR: I knew there had to be more to the story and on behalf of my loyal readers decided to find out what it was. On behalf of my unloyal readers, they lucked in.
nonamedufus said…
Don: I hope that wasn't recently. Did you tip a cow or something?
nonamedufus said…
Me-Me: But the guys were sure to bring the bread sticks!
nonamedufus said…
Kirsten: Can you send me THOSE pictures?
idifficult said…
Jail does seem preferable.
nonamedufus said…
idifficult: I'd think it would depend on how long you intended to stay and whether or not you needed a shower.

Popular posts from this blog

My Back Pages - October

Well, folks, I read seven (count 'em) seven books in October. One I didn't finish but even at that I hit the magic number 50 I estimated for myself by the end of the year. The six books I successfully waded through were, firstly, What Happened, Hillary Clinton's book on her bid for the Presidency. I''m a bit of a political junkie so I get off on this stuff but still it kinda struck me as one long whine over losing.
Next up was the excellent Canyon of Dreams: The Magic and Music of Laurel Canyon. Laurel Canyon was the fabled area outside of Los Angeles where many musicians and artists lived. Known as a 60s enclave, the book takes a look at just who lived there over the last 80 years. A fascinating read.
Next up was Lightfoot, a biography of Canadian folk singer Gordon Lightfoot. He may have been responsible for some iconic folk songs but he was also quite the womanizer and boozer. Enough said.
Then I read Dan Brown's new tome Origin, the fifth in the Robert Lan…

My Back Pages - November

I know, I know, I know I should have reported in before now. But sometimes real life just gets in the way. I attempted 5 books in November. I say attempted because I slapped a big DNF (did not finish) on Neal Stephenson's Cryptonomicon. I just can't seem to get into this guy. It's the second or third of his I've given up on,

Not so the other four, starting with a biography of Stephen Stills called Change Partners. This followed by a hilarious biography of the guy responsible for National Lampoon called A Stupid and Futile Gesture - How Doug Kenney and National Lampoon Changed Comedy Forever.

I ended the month reading yet another biography, this one of the man behind Rolling Stone magazine,. It was called Sticky Fingers: The Life and Times of Jann Wenner and Rolling Stone Magazine. A fascinating read.

So last month I hit the magic number 50 I'd imagined for myself back in January. If I roll this month into my yearly total I'm at 54 books. And I still have Decem…