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Splendor In The Grass

I have a confession to make. I'm having an affair. For the past 8 years or so Big Red and I have been meeting every week to cut loose. The contours of her sleek and smooth oriental body drive me wild. And her pert little seat, covered in black leather, really puts me over the edge. She's a little rock and roller. And how she loves to move!

It began as a summer romance. In our first encounter we made mad love in the tall grasses. And I really shouldn't say this but each time we meet she really makes me sweat. She makes me work hard. And when she revs up she really gets me going.

Throughout the years she's never steered me wrong. Our relationship has run smoothly for the most part, with some minor bumps here and there.

But I've got to tell you in terms of the complete package, she's a well oiled machine. She never chokes, indeed when she opens up it's at full throttle. And a sense of humour? She's a real cut up.
But all is not as it should be between us. Lately Big Red's been a little unresponsive. She just doesn't seem to get a charge out of me anymore and, I'm sad to say, has been going elsewhere in search of a spark. After 8 years, I can't seem to turn her on anymore. Our course of true love is not running smoothly and now she's giving me the gears.

Farewell my lovely. I can take a hint. We've weathered the hills and valleys, the twists and turns. I've tried to keep our relationship on the straight and narrow but now you want to sever things between us, to cut it off. And as your memory fades like blades of grass blowing in the wind, I'll remember the fun we had together, running through those fields of green. search of a spark happier times


My condolences. Please tell me you're not going to be so callous as to trade her in for a younger green Deere. It would break her heart.
Anonymous said…
Ah! So were you and "Red" the inspiration for Stephen King's Christine?

hee hee
nonamedufus said…
CatLady: No, I think I'll send her off to the spa for a "tune up".

Quirks: If I remember correctly Christine would rev up without warning. I'm afraid Big Red's get up and go got up and went!
Jen said…
It's always difficult when the one we love stops loving us. Have you tried flowers and candy?
nonamedufus said…
Jen: Just like a woman. You assume it's MY fault!
Chris said…
I guess you just weren't the one that she lawned for.

Jeez, I crack myself up.
nonamedufus said…
Chris: HAHAHA I think I've just met my match!!! I got a real charge out of that one.
This comment has been removed by the author.
Why don't you try a romantic night out to get her revved up again? There's got to be a good car show coming to town she'd like.

Unless she's been stepping out with George Jones, of course. That dude leaves all his tractors wrecks.
Donnie said…
Awww, ode to a lawn mower. How sweet. I wish I had your way with words. Maybe I could get my line trimmer to start in less than six pulls.
nonamedufus said…
MikWJ: Hey I think I saw George lurking around our neighbourhood.

Don: 6 pulls? I think it's enjoying it. No wonder they call it a weed wacker.
Anonymous said…
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
I guess you just weren't the one that she lawned for.

Jeez, I crack myself up.

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