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Thank God We're In the Home Stretch - Day 23

There Are Things

There are things that really annoy me.  Justin Bieber, Celine Dion, figure skating judges, Stephen Harper and peas to name a few. But none of them hold a candle to unsolved cases that just drag on and on…not unlike seemingly endless internet writing challenges. Both are like a bad rash on your testicles that only gets worse the more you scratch.

Captain Silver was growing impatient with my lack of progress - with the case not the rash on my testicles - and had decided to call in the big guns. I guess he thought my Magnum wasn't big enough. Funny, I thought that's why they called it a Magnum.

Wait, gun was a metaphor. In an early morning meeting in his office he introduced me to an old, paunchy, bleary-eyed character named John Rebus.

Turns out Rebus was a semi-retired Scottish police Inspector with some time on his hands. How he and Silver knew each other I didn't know and neither were forthcoming about it. And when I inquired as to how the two had met Silver replied "There are things you just don't ask, Jack."

Rebus thought it might be a good idea to discuss the case over a drink or two. I was liking this fella already. I took him to Rover's Rump, a cheerful place where everybody knows your name. Well except for his because he'd never been there before so I had to introduce him to Joe the bartender.

"Damn, Jack, it's not Joe it's Paddy" said Joe who said that wasn't his name.

"Whatever, a Guinness for my friend here and me my regular."

"Woah, woah, woah, there Jack. I'll be having none of that Irish motor oil. Give me a pint of IPA."

We nestled into a table at the back of the bar and I brought Rebus up to date.

"Are you bloody crazy?" said Rebus. "You want my help after three weeks of being unable to solve this case?"You're on your own, Jack. I have no idea on how to help you out."

I was speechless. Scotland's number one crime solver was wimping out on me. 

"But I thought you and Silver were best friends" I cried.

"What, no" he replied. I was just in town visiting when I got picked up on a drunk and disorderly. Silver said he'd drop the charges if I helped you with your case." 

"Having heard what you're up against I think I'd prefer to be locked up."

There are things that piss me off. Drunken and unhelpful semi-retired Scottish cops are now right up there with mid-winter writing challenges.

Well I was on my own again. And I was running out of time. I turned from Rebus to Paddy and said "Good-bye Joe, we gotta go, me-oh-my-oh."

Son of a gun.

There are things to check out at We Work For Cheese where maybe you'll have great fun on the bayou.


Jayne said…
I'll miss this fella when all this is over. :)
nonamedufus said…
You know, I've gotten kind of attached to him too. Thanks, Jayne.
Linda R. said…
So is Jack taking his search to the bayou?
nonamedufus said…
Are you kidding? I can't give it away.
Cheryl said…
Y'know, if Jack Gouda would stop bar-hopping and Dylan-bopping long enough to do some actual investigating, these murders might get solved.
Ziva said…
Now, as much as I love Jack, I'm really worried about this rash. Dylan should probably get tested for STD's.
frankleemeidere said…
Love Rankin's novels. One of my favourite scenes is a car chase during rush hour. Each time the traffic stops, Rebus gets out to run to the guy he's chasing, who's only a car or so ahead of him. But then the traffic starts moving again and he has to run back to his car.

And this might just be the time to casually mention how Ian Rankin and I knocked back a goodly number of drinks a few years back while talking about a comic he'd created as a kid, the inordinate number of coincidences that seem to afflict his life, and how he'd almost got arrested as a child abductor while researching his first John Rebus novel..
Nicky said…
Really? You put peas in the same category as Bieber? C'mon, there's no way peas are in the same category as Bieber!
ReformingGeek said…
I think Paddy is a smart one, that son of a gun!
nonamedufus said…
Hey, I had to frag this bloody thing out somehow. If he solved the case after one or two weeks then what would he do?
nonamedufus said…
I hadn't thought of that. But you know, no that you mention it...
Linda Medrano said…
Oh shoot, it's time to just go have some fun on the Bayou!
nonamedufus said…
Amazing, Frank. Informative interview.
nonamedufus said…
Just until tomorrow.
Cheryl said…
Bar hop and Dylan bop.
nonamedufus said…
That wouldn't be very interesting. Well, maybe for Gouda but not the rest of you.
meleahrebeccah said…
"There are things that piss me off. Drunken and unhelpful semi-retired
Scottish cops are now right up there with mid-winter writing challenges."

Um, yeah!
nonamedufus said…
I keep throwing these references in to piss off Nicky but she never bites.

John Rebus is one of my favourite fictional detectives, by the way.
My favorite line:
We nestled into a table at the back of the bar and I brought Rebus up to date.

I could picture it... even read it twice. Great job!
I'd prefer to be locked up, too. Then I wouldn't be able to participate in this 30M2DoW thing.
nonamedufus said…
You're such a good sport, Paula.

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