Monday, 3 February 2014

30M2DW III - Day 3


Temporary Insanity

On my third day in a row at It's On The House pub, otherwise known as Rover's Rump, I picked up my Pabst Test from the bar and moved to a table. Most people drink the whiskey first and then the beer as a chaser. At least I'd heard someone called Meleah say as much. Not me. I drink the beer and then the whiskey. I call this little concoction a Pabst Test because I like to test people on what is the proper way to imbibe a whiskey chaser. Just in case you were wondering. Anyway, it all goes in the same pie hole.

So like I said, I moved to a table.

One by one there appeared some guys out of the dark recesses of the pub. Hey! They were some of my fellow P.I.s joining me. First there was Elvis Cole and his partner Joe Pike. Then Harry Hole from Sweden and his compatriot Kurt Wallender. Next came Dave Robicheaux from New Orleans. His name sounds French but he's not. Raylan Givens was there as was Lew Archer and Jack Reacher. Who's that nameless guy at the end of the table? You know the fella from the Factory? Well, Harry Bosch is here. I know him. And finally look who's here. It's that Irish fella, Jack Taylor the former Guard and now full time boozer and part-time investigator - a man after my own heart…and liver.

Gee, if we were to put our heads together we could solve this Three Amigos business tout de suite.

Instead, we all got a big headache.

"Ow!"

"Look, look, it's the Grand Daddy of Detecting Sherlock Homes and his sleuthing sidekick Dr. Watson" I ejaculated…or said quickly and suddenly.

He joined us for a few rounds and a bit of discussion and as the rest of us were left to split the bill Holmes took care of the tip.

"7%? That's no solution" cried Watson. "Everyone knows it's at least 15%. It's part of everybody's education. Just where did you go to school, Holmes?"

Holmes took a slow draw on his pipe and as the smoke drifted lazily to the ceiling his eyes bored through the tobacco-induced haze and he intoned "Elementary, my dear Watson.

But we couldn't let things end there. As the clock struck 12 we begged him to recount for us one of his most famous cases, The Hounds of the Baskervilles. Indeed, in the midnight hour we cried "moor, moor, moor". It was no idle request.

Hey, where'd everybody go? You were all here just a minute ago. Was I dreaming? Was it the booze?

I plead temporary insanity.

This is day 3 in my little 28 day serial. See how the rest of those dolts are handling the challenge by dropping by We Work For Cheese and following the links. 

45 comments:

ReformingGeek said...

You make insanity sound exciting! I've been inhaling fumes for three days now. I'm not sure how much moor I can take. Hiccup.

NathanaelV said...

Nice! I like this third installment, "a man after my own heart...and liver", I'll drink to that!

nonamedufus said...

Inhaling fumes? Hell pour out that liquor and drink it Reffie.

nonamedufus said...

Yeah, I liked that line. Not bad, eh?

Linda R. said...

That was an impressive group assembled there, aching heads and all. Oh, and I hear milk thistle is good for your liver. ;)

MsDarkstar said...

Does this mean that the end of the writing challenge will end up being the serial killer?

Laughing Mom said...

moor, moor, moor!

nonamedufus said...

I'm sure I left a few out, but those are most of the ones I'be been reading lately. I'll, erm, Gouda will have to look into that milk thistle thing

nonamedufus said...

Or Tony the Tiger. (Cereal killer?)

nonamedufus said...

I'm quite proud of that line.

Paula Larew Wooters said...

Conjuring up all your favorite detectives? And talking to them? And them talking back? It actually sounds fairly logical to me. But then, I'm temporarily insane.

Paula Larew Wooters said...

Good one.

nonamedufus said...

I thought so.

nonamedufus said...

Join the club. Oh, you're already a member.

nonamedufus said...

Oh, you're a cruel one, Frank.

MalisaHargrove said...

"Instead we all got a big headache." Ha ha ha! Loved that line. Also the "moor moor moor" made me laugh, but all clever puns do. So you've been at the bar and moved to a table. Wonder where tomorrow will find you? Under the table?

babs (beetle) said...

Old Sherlock may have been smoking his 'every day' pipe or maybe his 'other' pipe was brewing?

nonamedufus said...

Well, you'll just have to come back tomorrow and see!

nonamedufus said...

His every day pipe of course. After all, he was out and about in public.

babs (beetle) said...

That is true ;)

nonamedufus said...

Elementary my dear Babs.

Margaret said...

TELL ME you've been watching the BBC's Sherlock Holmes! I'm still high off last night's episode and will be pacing in front of my TV between now and the beginning of next season, whenever THAT is.

Nicky said...

No idle request. Love it! Well done, my punny friend. :-)

Jayne said...

Fave lines: Just where did you go to school, Holmes?"



Holmes took a slow draw on his pipe and as the smoke drifted lazily to
the ceiling his eyes bored through the tobacco-induced haze and he
intoned "Elementary, my dear Watson.

You are the pun master. Not to be confused with the thigh master.

Paula Larew Wooters said...

Are you talking to yourself or to me? Never mind... it wouldn't matter anyway.

nonamedufus said...

Actually I've been reading The Complete Sherlock Holmes which weighs in at over 4500 pages on my iPad. But I really want to see that bbc series. I hear it's great.

nonamedufus said...

It was a rebel yell, yes.

nonamedufus said...

Ah, but you haven't seen my thighs, Jayne. I'm saving that for 30 days of photos.

nonamedufus said...

Are you talking to me ? I'm the only one here. Are you talking to me?

meleahrebeccah said...

So very punny, John! This whole post made me chuckle.

And also - I have no idea what is the "correct order" for drinking beer and whiskey!

Cheryl P. said...

Oh, please tell us moor, moor, moor!

nonamedufus said...

Truth be told "ejaculated is an often used term by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle to describe when someone reacts quickly. Strange but true.

KZ said...

As I recall, Watson was very fond of "ejaculating".

KZ said...

But then again, who isn't fond of it. Am I right?

Ziva said...

Well, it's some kind of insanity, that's for sure. Wonderfully punny, my funny friend.

nonamedufus said...

Oh, yes, he does it a lot.

nonamedufus said...

Um, I wouldn't know.

nonamedufus said...

I think it's either an ongoing or recurring insanity. You know that word always reminds me of that famous Marx Brothers Sanity Clause routine. http://youtu.be/G_Sy6oiJbEk

nonamedufus said...

I will, will, will…for the next 25 days. I hope you're up for it.

nonamedufus said...

I looked it up. You were right Meleah. But, hey, after a few who's gonna care, right?

meleahrebeccah said...

I was right? OMG! I am NEVER right!

nonamedufus said...

Well then I'm honoured that it happened here!

meleahrebeccah said...

:)

P.J. said...

Anything with Pabst should not be had. You could have picked a better "cheap" beer. Maybe Iron City? Genny? Something else? PBR Me ASAP? No way, no how. ;)

nonamedufus said...

I'm Canadian P.J. As Canadians our view of American beer are uniform: Blech! So for me Pabst and Bud, for example, are the same. But I had to use Pabst or my little Pabst Test pun wouldn't have worked.

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