Skip to main content

Could You Pass The Hernia Knife Please?


You know, of course, I perform exhaustive searches of the interwebs each week to bring you guys news you may not find anywhere else. I guess it's my training from a previous career.

When I was on-air at an all news radio network in the late 70s, while other announcers interviewed politicians and celebrities, my research for interview subjects consisted of the National Enquirer and similar high-brow print media sources. Made for great radio. I would have loved to have interviewed this guy.

Seems an ambulance was called to a 63 year-old Glendale, California man's house after he had attempted surgery on himself. Yep. Apparently he had become upset with a hernia he had and decided he was going to take it out himself. You know, given rising health care costs I kind of understand his thinking.

But this guy obviously isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer. Nor did he use the sharpest knife in the drawer. Paramedics arrived to find a butter knife protruding from the gentleman's stomach. Not a butcher knife, not a steak knife, not even a ginsu knife - hell those things can cut through anything.

Special hernia kit - as seen on TV.

Ima Carver (not his real name) was taken to hospital and placed under psychiatric care. Lika Surgeon (not HIS real name) at Glendale General Hospital commented he thought Mr. Carver was a real cut-up; "a guy who lived life on the edge," he said bluntly.

Surgeon said it could have been worse. "He could have used the butter knife to "spread" his surgical efforts to other parts of his body. Thank goodness he couldn't "handle" it."

Authorities say they'll keep a sharp eye on Mr. Carver.

Leave hernia surgery to the professionals.
There's no better way - any way you slice it.

Comments

SP said…
Body parts post again?
meleahrebeccah said…
holy crap. people never cease to amaze me - but what the hell would ever posses "Ima Carver" to try and take care of his hernia at home, with a butter knife? That's completely insane. After his surgery, they might want to check him into a mental hospital!
00dozo said…
Kinda makes you wonder what they're putting in margarine these days.

;-)
Linda Medrano said…
Holy cow, Dufus! Talk about a bloody knucklehead!
nonamedufus said…
Oh, yeah. Don't you just love this stuff.You know, stupid people stories? I can't get enough.
nonamedufus said…
You know, there's a commercial that used to run here in Canada that shows a doctor explaining a medical procedure over the phone. It cuts to a guy on the other end of the phone with a knife in his hand and he says "Doc, shouldn't you be doing this?" I can't remember what the ad was for, but "Ima Carver" sure reminded me of it.
nonamedufus said…
I think this guy looked down at his stomach and said "I can't believe it's not butter!"
nonamedufus said…
Well a bloody stomach anyway. I think a bloody knucklehead would have been after he performed brain surgery on himself.
00dozo said…
You know, I was trying to work that line into my comment but I couldn't really think of anything overly - or even partially - witty. It's gotta be the heat.

I'm not butter. I'm not margarine. But I know that I'm melting (or at least my brain is).

;-)
nonamedufus said…
Maybe that's what happened to "Ima Carver". It was the heat...and he wanted to feel like a King! http://youtu.be/GvVduWJSjX0
00dozo said…
Ha! Sadly (or, maybe not so much) I'm old enough to remember that commercial.

But, I'll do you one butter ... erm, I mean better:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLrTPrp-fW8

By the by, did you know that margarine is one molecule away from a plastic?

;-)
nonamedufus said…
I'd forgotten about that one. I don't know who would eat a margarine called "chiffon". Sounds like something you'd wear. Speaking of videos, totally unrelated, I posted this on my Facebook today. I'm sure you'll like it. http://youtu.be/vksdBSVAM6g
brookeamanda10 said…
Nothing to do with the story, but I've ALWAYS wanted a set of those GINSU knives!
nonamedufus said…
Oh yeah, those knives would cut through anything from concrete blocks to hernias.
meleahrebeccah said…
In a sick & twisted kinda way!
Shawn said…
I hear he was a real cut up around the plant. A cut up. A real cut up.
Kid-FreeLiving said…
I'm thinking the surgery wasn't half as painful as those puns...
nonamedufus said…
Ok, ok, you don't have to be so blunt about it. Blunt. Blunt about it.
nonamedufus said…
Hey, it's just how I operate. Barrump-bump - I'm here all week.
nonamedufus said…
Is there any other?
nonamedufus said…
I rest my case.
Mind of a Madman said…
Wow!!! Its good to know Im not alone! I attempted a facelift with a butter knife.......

Sincerely,
Mr Butterknifeface

P.S. Im pretty!
nonamedufus said…
Hey. Wait. Were you in that movie Face/Off?
quirkyloon said…
*snort*

I read about this! hee hee

And you collected the Enquirer news quality news items?

I knew there was a reason I like you!

You rock!

hee hee
nonamedufus said…
Hard to break bad habits, I guess. You know I used to think The National Enquirer and the Globe and others made up those stories, or at least embellished them. But when I tracked down the people in those stories I found out they were true. Stupid, maybe, but true!

Popular posts from this blog

My Back Pages - November

I read five books last month bringing my year to date total to 61, well past the 50 I estimated at the beginning of the year. And I've yet to get through December.

The month started out with The Nix, the debut novel by Nathan Hill which has been receiving a lot off positive reviews. In it Hill flips back and fourth from the 1968 Chicago protests and 2011 in a desperate search for the truth behind why his mother abandoned him at an early age. In between Hill takes on politics, the media and addiction as well as other aspects of society. It's a well-spun tale and I quite enjoyed reading it.

Next up was the auto-biographical I Am Brian Wilson of Beach Boys fame. This was somewhat of a scattered affair but an interesting read nonetheless. Wilson - or his ghostwriter - however is no Hemingway.

Then it was on to one of my favourite authors, Ian Rankin and his latest tale of now retired Inspector John Rebus, Rather Be The Devil. I never tire of these stories and this is the 21st in …

Traveling Along Singing A Song

Pete and Paulie were strolling along one day. The sun was bright, the air was cool, the birds chirped crazily in the trees and the squirrels  munched merrily on their nuts. Well not their nuts exactly. Nuts they found on the ground and in the gardens in the park.

Paulie felt so good he began to whistle. It wasn't any tune in particular, just one of those annoyingly tuneless whistles that wandered all over the place. Pete looked at Paulie and he squiggled up his nose and he said "What the hell is that?" Paulie replied "Oh nothing in particular. I'm just happy." "But you're not even whistling a tune" said Pete. Paulie replied "If you're so wise I'd like to see you do better, Pete."

Pete went silent for a moment and seemed to mumble to himself for a moment or two. Then he cleared his throat with a little cough, he opened his mouth and he began to sing.


"There once was a king very wise
Who spoke to his enemies in disguise
T…

My Back Pages - 2016

Here, as promised is a month-by-month breakdown of the 67 books I delved into this year. I got off to a strong start and then my intake dwindled for a couple of months until picking back up in April. I'll let you in on my favourites at the end of this list.

January

Here, There and Everywhere:
My Life Recording the Music of the Beatles - Geoff Emerick - ****
H is for Hawk - Helen Macdonald - ***
Close To The Edge - The Story of Yes - Chris Welch - ***
Sweet Caress - William Boyd - ****


February

Purity by Jonathan Franzen 
Still Alice by Lisa Genova.


March

Natchez Burning - Greg Iles
The Promise (Elvis Cole #20) - Robert Crais

April

The Snowman (Harry Hole)- Joe Nesbo ****
Phantom (Harry Hole) - Joe Nesbo ****
The Leopard (Harry Hole) - Jo Nesbo ****


May

George Harrison Reconsidered ***
The Heart Goes Last - Margaret Atwood ****
Dropping The Needle - The Vinyl Dialogues Volume II ***
The Electric Mist with the Confederate Dead, (Dave Robicheaux #6) - James Lee Burke****


June/.July

 Lust and Wonder - Aug…