Skip to main content

How To Catch The App Of Your Eye


The commonly held view is that Facebook is not a dating service. But if you've seen the movie The Social Network, that statement's somewhat disingenuous given the social network service's origins, or at least the original idea that someone else had that Mark Zuckerberg refined to launch his currently 600 million member internet network.

However, recent developments might lead one to wonder otherwise.

I read this week that a young southern California computer programmer launched a "Breakup Notifier" in February. The brainchild of 24 year old Dan Loewenherz, the Facebook app informs its users via e-mail once targeted friends change their relationship status.

Man, kinda takes all the work, and fun I would imagine, out of stalking the more vulnerable among your close circle of friends.

But it doesn't stop there. There's also a "Crush Notifier" where people pinpoint friends they're interested in and if that person's interested they each get an e-mail telling them of their mutual attraction.

Rounding out this tasteless troika of tentative but targeted testimonials is something called the "Waiting Room" where the love of one's life is e-mailed that someone is interested in them. To find out who it is, they need only drop their paramour, change their Facebook relationship status to single and - "bang" - Cupid strikes.

Really. This is all true. This is too stupid to make up. It stands on it's own as stupid without any help from me.

Me? I'm long past the dating scene. Although as I recall it was much more fun in bars before the internet or even Facebook existed.

But I can see where this is going. The more "mature" Facebook users (read baby boomers) will demand apps of their own.

I'm sure the first will be "Bad News Notifier" - ie. "The cat got up onto the roof last week..."

The second will be "What Happened Then Notifier" - ie. "Mom went and got the ladder out to go up after her..."

And the last will be "The Upshot Notifier" - ie. "The funeral's scheduled for Thursday."


This post first appeared at The Parody Files, my blog home away from home.

Comments

justine love said…
looooool... actually i saw these app featured a couple months ago in failbook.org. I think Facebook already banned this app? :P Even so... it is still hilarious... XD
Quirkyloon said…
This is hilarious! I love it! And I for one, would love the upshot app.

Just sayin'.

hee hee
nonamedufus said…
Justine: I don't know of you saw the movie but there's a scene where the Facebook co-founder's possessive girlfriend berates him for not changing his status to "in a relationship". It's hilarious. It's like the hand that feeds him bites him...or in this case sets his bed on fire.
nonamedufus said…
Thanks, Quirks. But you don't get the upshot app without the other two. It's a slow and gradual thing, eh.
Linda Medrano said…
This was really great, but I thought that Mom getting the cat off the roof said the "upskirt app" and I was surprised it killed anyone.
nonamedufus said…
Linda: Hell, that would surely kill the cat!
Jaffer said…
I think I'll keep my current number of friends on Facebook and not add anymore.

Zero.
nonamedufus said…
Jaffer: You gotta get out more!
Hey, Dufus!

Not to be critical, but I think that the FaceBook network probably has a bit more than 600 current members.
nonamedufus said…
Jeremy: Thanks for the catch. I left out "million"! A slight difference, eh?
00dozo said…
@ Jeremy and dufus: Duh! That's what I was thinking, too, and I don't do that in-your-facebook thing. I have a real photo album (Oh, wait. I don't. Never mind.)
;-)
nonamedufus said…
00dozo: 600 million users. That's pretty amazing considering it was launched in 2004. You've got to see the movie The Social Network.
meleah rebeccah said…
I think my favorite one you made up is :"The Upshot Notifier" - very funny.

As for the Social Network, I loved the movie - and I love Facebook. But I do think those new apps are pretty lame.
nonamedufus said…
meleah rebeccah: That's such a lovely name by the way. It's an old joke, just updated for my Facebook example. I thought the move was fascinating. I had no idea the Napster guy was involved. (Oops, spoiler alert!)
00dozo said…
@ Jeremy and dufus: Duh! That's what I was thinking, too, and I don't do that in-your-facebook thing. I have a real photo album (Oh, wait. I don't. Never mind.)
;-)

Popular posts from this blog

Tales From The Supermarket

Bob and Brenda worked in the supermarket. They weren't check-out clerks. And they weren't stock-boys. Brenda sure wasn't. And they weren't employees who worked in the fish section or the deli. No. They were on the shelves.

They hadn't been on the shelves very long but in that short time they'd developed a considerably close friendship.

The chatted all day when the store was busy and at night when the store was closed. They talked about everything. The talked about what raw products they came from. The talked about their manufacturing processes. And they talked about the long routes in semi-trailers that brought them to this store.

Oddly enough the one thing they never made clear to one another was just what product each of them was.

One day when Brenda was commenting on their friendship she told Bob she was grateful for their amity. "Are you Tea?" said Bob, pekoe-ing her way. "I thought I was Tea". You're coffee!"

This week's Tw…

My Back Pages - November

I read five books last month bringing my year to date total to 61, well past the 50 I estimated at the beginning of the year. And I've yet to get through December.

The month started out with The Nix, the debut novel by Nathan Hill which has been receiving a lot off positive reviews. In it Hill flips back and fourth from the 1968 Chicago protests and 2011 in a desperate search for the truth behind why his mother abandoned him at an early age. In between Hill takes on politics, the media and addiction as well as other aspects of society. It's a well-spun tale and I quite enjoyed reading it.

Next up was the auto-biographical I Am Brian Wilson of Beach Boys fame. This was somewhat of a scattered affair but an interesting read nonetheless. Wilson - or his ghostwriter - however is no Hemingway.

Then it was on to one of my favourite authors, Ian Rankin and his latest tale of now retired Inspector John Rebus, Rather Be The Devil. I never tire of these stories and this is the 21st in …