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C'mon, You Can Do Better Than "Wow"


"Wow".

That's what I said when that news story appeared about the prostitute biting Sham Wow spokesman Vince's tongue and him pounding on her face until she let him go. He was lucky it was his tongue, otherwise Vince might've been saying a lot more than "wow"! But I digress...

What the heck makes Sham Wow so damn popular? And the ad, according to the Sham Wow website, is popular, too, ranking as the #1 informercial of all time! Wow! But try to convince Bill O'Reilly of the claims Vince makes...




Let's look at what Sham Wow claims:
It is made in Germany
Easily removes cola, wine and pet stains
Doesn't drip, doesn't make a mess
Washes, dries, and polishes any surface
Won't scratch any surface
Machine washable and bleachable
Lasts ten years

Big deal. What's so catchy about that. There's nothin' there that would convince me to buy a product called a "sham". And no wonder poor old Bill was upset. Thesaurus.com equates sham with: burlesque, cant, caricature, cheat, counterfeit, cover-up, deceit, deception, facade, fake, fakery, false front, farce, feint, flimflam*, forgery, fraud, hypocrisy, hypocriticalness, imitation, impostor, imposture, jive*, mock, mockery, pharisaism, phoniness, pretend, pretense, pretext, pseudo*, put-on, sell, smoke*, snow job*, spoof, travesty, whitewash ... "wow"!

Remember Bounty? It was "the quicker picker upper". Yeah, that sounds neater than the unimaginative "wow".




And what about Mr. Clean (M. Net for my francophone friends). He "cleans your whole house and everything that's in it".




Here's an old fave: Ajax. Ajax was "stronger than dirt".




And the marketers of Pine-Sol at least used a little imagination to demonstrate how their product worked better than others...




Geez, even Vince's nemesis Billy Mays of Oxiclean fame proclaimed "you don't need a cabinet full of cleaners" - sort of. Nevertheless, it beats "wow" hands down.




Now, Vince, you see how imaginative the makers of other products are? But don't beat yourself up over it...or anyone else for that matter!

Comments

Philippe said…
AAAH! This last one is with the screaming guy! This guy's so funny! It made my day! :D
Anonymous said…
now how could ya not mention a sham-rock with that creepy commercial--he's a sham with rocks in his head and "billy mays here" is so obnoxious he doesn't even know it. yet i did want to tape billy's voice for my answering machine message and never did.
little paulie k
nonamedufus said…
Philippe: Yeah, these 2 have taken infommercials to a whole new level...how low can they go? lol

Little Paulie: Hey great idea to scare off annoying telemarketers - a dose of their own medicine!
Tiggy said…
Poor Vince! It is his birthday, so you shouldn't be mean.

Billy Mays, on the other hand, can suck it.

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