Like, hell, Dick Clark died. Sad to say we've seen the last of his balls drop at New Year's. And Newsweek has crowned Obama "America's Gay President" for finally coming out in support of equal marriage. I personally have nothing against gay marriage. Why shouldn't they suffer like the rest of us.
Anyhoo, after reading stuff like this last week I eventually came across a real news story. Uh-huh. The headline went something like this:
"Dinosaur burps and farts may have caused global warming"
And it may help explain why dinosaurs are not only extinct but ex-stink.
Researchers at Liverpool's John Moores University say some giant dinosaurs would have undoubtedly suffered from gas after eating a diet of leafy plants, and that could have warmed the earth. I guess they didn't have beer and tacos back then. I've been known to warm the earth significantly in my time.
Experts suggest these prehistoric poopers may have emitted upwards of 520 million tons of methane emissions a year. Wow. They've sure got me beat.
Now think for a minute just what this means. Picture if you will an albertosaurus and cryolophosaurus sitting around at the local tavern after work one day, shooting the shit (as it were), having a draft or two and deciding to have a blue angel contest. Could you imagine the devastation from lighting just one dino fart? There'd be no dino bar left to go back to, that's for sure. Man, I wouldn't want to be anywhere near those two.
But I bet it worked out great for cavemen. Sure. You know how we all say "The dog farted"? Well when cavewomen went "Eww, uhg, who fart in cave?" then cavemen everywhere could say, "Uhg, was Tyrannosaurus Rex".
I read another story last week. Some 23 year old guy in Nebraska legally changed his name to Tyrannosaurus Rex. Really. True Story.
At least now when he stinks up a room he has an excuse. "Hey, I can't help it. I'm a T-Rex!"