Monday, 14 May 2012

Shhhh...It's The News

There's so much going on in the world, so much news to wade through, before you get to the really important stuff.

Like, hell, Dick Clark died. Sad to say we've seen the last of his balls drop at New Year's. And Newsweek has crowned Obama "America's Gay President" for finally coming out in support of equal marriage. I personally have nothing against gay marriage. Why shouldn't they suffer like the rest of us.

Anyhoo, after reading stuff like this last week I eventually came across a real news story. Uh-huh. The headline went something like this:

"Dinosaur burps and farts may have caused global warming"

Well that explains a lot! For one thing it gives new meaning to that scorched earth theory people are always talking about.

And it may help explain why dinosaurs are not only extinct but ex-stink.



Researchers at Liverpool's John Moores University say some giant dinosaurs would have undoubtedly suffered from gas after eating a diet of leafy plants, and that could have warmed the earth. I guess they didn't have beer and tacos back then. I've been known to warm the earth significantly in my time.

Experts suggest these prehistoric poopers may have emitted upwards of 520 million tons of methane emissions a year. Wow. They've sure got me beat.

Now think for a minute just what this means. Picture if you will an albertosaurus and cryolophosaurus sitting around at the local tavern after work one day, shooting the shit (as it were), having a draft or two and deciding to have a blue angel contest. Could you imagine the devastation from lighting just one dino fart?  There'd be no dino bar left to go back to, that's for sure. Man, I wouldn't want to be anywhere near those two.

But I bet it worked out great for cavemen. Sure. You know how we all say "The dog farted"? Well when cavewomen went "Eww, uhg, who fart in cave?" then cavemen everywhere could say, "Uhg, was Tyrannosaurus Rex".

I read another story last week. Some 23 year old guy in Nebraska legally changed his name to Tyrannosaurus Rex. Really. True Story.

At least now when he stinks up a room he has an excuse. "Hey, I can't help it. I'm a T-Rex!"

12 comments:

quirkyloon said...

HA! I can't how believe how you pulled this post out of yer butt! It's highlarious! heh heh

And I do remember reading that headline about the dino farts. heh heh

Good one Dufus! Good one.

Ex-stink. HA!

nonamedufus said...

Well I wanted to write something that didn't have to do with being sick. So I thought, "I know. I'll write about farts. That's not sick." Well not that kind of sick.

meleahrebeccah said...

"Some 23 year old guy in Nebraska legally changed his name to Tyrannosaurus Rex" - now that is BEYOND crazy!

nonamedufus said...

But true. He said he was an entrepreneur and he wanted a name people would remember. Go figure. I'd have trouble spelling it every time I wrote a cheque.

meleahrebeccah said...

That's totally NOT normal!

nonamedufus said...

Hey, I'm not shittin' ya. Ha, that's a little poop pun there.

00dozo said...

Dang. I'd hate to sit around a campfire eating beans with any of those guys, especially if one is named, "Mongo". ;-)

nonamedufus said...

Yeah, good example. Just imagine a pre-historic Blazing Saddles campfire scene. Ha. Ha.

Nicky said...

A post about dino-farts. Glad to see you're feeling better, Dufus!

nonamedufus said...

Hey, I just didn't wanna write about my cold again. Good thing I didn't have diarrhea.

Nora Blithe said...

I heard that dino story and I have to wonder who sits around and comes up with this stuff? Is THAT what they're researching these days? I bet their mothers are proud.

nonamedufus said...

And they get paid for that crap! Hey global warming's important. Now we know we have those farty dinos to thank. I guess politicians rank second when it comes to hot air.

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