Skip to main content

Dufus On Golf

My son, who I've come to call "Mulligan Matt", and I were out earlier this week attempting to whack little white spheres with long, narrow sticks. Some people call it golf, but my son has a another word or two for it which I shan't repeat here. Although one shouted expletive deleted starting with f and ending with uck had the elderly couple behind us waiting for us to tee off picking their jaws up off the ground.

This is my first season of golf. I started playing on our holidays in Panama in December, after my wife had bought me a set of clubs. Four weeks golfing in Panama was actually a warm-up for a fifth week in Orlando with my brothers Whitey and Drinksalot who both have been golfing since they were kids. In their game you drink about as much as the number of golf balls you hit. So I was pretty much sober, you understand. Nevertheless, they still were better golfers than I.

Dufus keeps eye on ball while trying to remember 576 other things to do while driving.

Since Orlando, my son and I kept our form...or attempted to...by doing virtual golf once or twice a week. That's where Matt got his nickname. If you didn't like your shot you could just push the "mulligan" button and do it over again. Of course our golf games would tend to run a tad on the long side this way but, hey, we were having fun.

Our first trip to a real course was about the second week of April. The weather wasn't bad but the course was extremely wet with puddles and mud everywhere. It was so bad they didn't allow you to rent a motorized cart. By the time we'd finished...mulligans and all... our feet were soaked and our pant legs were covered in mud. Of course part of that was from just walking the course!

We've been out several times a week since then. We get a motorized cart now. Conditions have improved. And so has our game. I'm shooting in the low 100s. Not bad for a beginner. Of course that's not counting balls lost in the rough, do-overs, dropped balls and mulligans. And my son appears to be at a similar skill level. So neither of us feels overly outplayed by the other.

So I'm feeling good that I'm on a par (pun intended) with my 30 year old son. On the fairway. I have a way to go to catch up on the language he uses to address the ball.

For you golf enthusiasts, especially beginners like me, here's a tip from my good friend Dorf, whose approach to the ball is amazingly a lot like Mulligan Matt's:

Comments

nonamedufus said…
Thanks, I think. Hey, it's fun. When people ask me what my handicap is, I say "golf". I'm trying to convince my wife to take it up. There's nothing else quite like showing how inadequate you are in front of your loved one!
nonamedufus said…
Sometimes when you drink and golf a designated golfer is advisable.
Cheryl said…
nonamedufus, you are a hoot! I need to be getting off my rear and go to the gym but here I sit laughing at you (not with you). That is hysterical. Hubby and I both got a set of clubs (hhhmmm not sure exactly) let's say 6 years ago. Hubby went once to a driving range where the f ending with uck came into play. My clubs are still in the large box they came in.
So....I am really impressed with your tenacity to actually try this sport and go out more than one time. My sports hiking and running only require me to stay upright and finish. No pressure to score any kind of a number.

Because I know we are the same age thanks to your birthday post, I will not be taking up anything that requires me to compete. (blood pressure and stress are best friends you know) I want to live to be 60.
Kelly DeJongh said…
The one and only time I played golf, I ended up with a concussion. And a destroyed golf cart. Alcohol may or may not have been involved.
Mike said…
Whenever I golf, I only play 9 holes because it takes me 5 hours to finish. The last time I played was in 1994. Really.

Popular posts from this blog

My Back Pages - November

I read five books last month bringing my year to date total to 61, well past the 50 I estimated at the beginning of the year. And I've yet to get through December.

The month started out with The Nix, the debut novel by Nathan Hill which has been receiving a lot off positive reviews. In it Hill flips back and fourth from the 1968 Chicago protests and 2011 in a desperate search for the truth behind why his mother abandoned him at an early age. In between Hill takes on politics, the media and addiction as well as other aspects of society. It's a well-spun tale and I quite enjoyed reading it.

Next up was the auto-biographical I Am Brian Wilson of Beach Boys fame. This was somewhat of a scattered affair but an interesting read nonetheless. Wilson - or his ghostwriter - however is no Hemingway.

Then it was on to one of my favourite authors, Ian Rankin and his latest tale of now retired Inspector John Rebus, Rather Be The Devil. I never tire of these stories and this is the 21st in …

Traveling Along Singing A Song

Pete and Paulie were strolling along one day. The sun was bright, the air was cool, the birds chirped crazily in the trees and the squirrels  munched merrily on their nuts. Well not their nuts exactly. Nuts they found on the ground and in the gardens in the park.

Paulie felt so good he began to whistle. It wasn't any tune in particular, just one of those annoyingly tuneless whistles that wandered all over the place. Pete looked at Paulie and he squiggled up his nose and he said "What the hell is that?" Paulie replied "Oh nothing in particular. I'm just happy." "But you're not even whistling a tune" said Pete. Paulie replied "If you're so wise I'd like to see you do better, Pete."

Pete went silent for a moment and seemed to mumble to himself for a moment or two. Then he cleared his throat with a little cough, he opened his mouth and he began to sing.


"There once was a king very wise
Who spoke to his enemies in disguise
T…

My Back Pages - 2016

Here, as promised is a month-by-month breakdown of the 67 books I delved into this year. I got off to a strong start and then my intake dwindled for a couple of months until picking back up in April. I'll let you in on my favourites at the end of this list.

January

Here, There and Everywhere:
My Life Recording the Music of the Beatles - Geoff Emerick - ****
H is for Hawk - Helen Macdonald - ***
Close To The Edge - The Story of Yes - Chris Welch - ***
Sweet Caress - William Boyd - ****


February

Purity by Jonathan Franzen 
Still Alice by Lisa Genova.


March

Natchez Burning - Greg Iles
The Promise (Elvis Cole #20) - Robert Crais

April

The Snowman (Harry Hole)- Joe Nesbo ****
Phantom (Harry Hole) - Joe Nesbo ****
The Leopard (Harry Hole) - Jo Nesbo ****


May

George Harrison Reconsidered ***
The Heart Goes Last - Margaret Atwood ****
Dropping The Needle - The Vinyl Dialogues Volume II ***
The Electric Mist with the Confederate Dead, (Dave Robicheaux #6) - James Lee Burke****


June/.July

 Lust and Wonder - Aug…