A Harrowing Hallowe'en Homily

This is a story about Marvin.

Marvin's a monster.

Don't misunderstand me. He's not a monster in the berates his kids and beats his wife way.

No. I mean in the not human way. He's a real honest-to-goodness monster. Well I shouldn't say not in the human way because Marvin's miscellaneous modules do come from various human sources. But they were donated after they died because, well, they really had no use for them any more.

Marvin's master, Micky, took great pains to create Marvin in his image. And he more or less succeeded. Micky's gone now, the sad victim of an argument between he and his creation. Well, we know who got in the last word in that one, don't we.

Today, of all days, is Marvin's 30th birthday.

It was touch and go there for a while when Marvin was just a mini monster. Transfusions, electrical charges and a little lightening now and then were all that were needed to ensure Marvin grew up to become a normal boo-boy.

In his early 20s Marvin fell in love with Melinda who he met in master Micky's laboratory. He didn't know how she got there but he didn't care. It was monster love at first sight. And after Micky gave Melinda two good eyes the feeling was mutual.

Day after day their love grew until monster miracle of monster miracles triplets, three little monsters you might say, graced the immortal lives of Marvin and Melinda - Fooey, Boo-ee and Ghoulee.

Fooey, Boo-ee and Ghoulie were good monster misfits growing up. They got along well with their neighbourhood zombie pals and performed well in school even thought their teacher told Marvin and Melinda she didn't think they stood a ghost of a chance. But after the little ghouls...girls ate her brains they experienced no problems with their substitute teacher.

Now today's a big day in the Marvin the Monster household. Not only is it Marvin's birthday but today's the one day of the year Marvin, Melinda and their three little ghouls can go out without worrying what they look like. No wigs, today. No make-up to cover the scars. No foundation to deal with those hallow checks.

No, today, as they go door to door in their neighbourhood, they don't even need to wear costumes. They're scary enough without them. Not surprisingly, each year the family wins the "Best Costume" award from their community association, which is somewhat ironic. Nevertheless the annual event has become a real family affair as they share in their haul of fresh body parts and yummy brains. And don't worry.The people they came from don't need them...any more.

And as they limp haphazardly through the streets and go preying upon their unsuspecting victims, unlike normal folks, they much prefer tricks to treats.

And at the end of the night, when they've locked the leftovers safely away in the freezer Marvin and Melinda turn to sweet wee Fooey, Boo-ee and Ghoulie, pat them gently on their scabby and scarred little heads and smile and say sweetly, "You see, girls, the family that preys together decays together".

Happy Hallowe'en!

The Polka Dot Door

A long time ago, when I was 22, my first child was born. That kid grew up on a little Canadian kid's show called Polka Dot Door, produced by the TV Ontario network. And Dad, more often than not, sat through those shows with his little one. Nine or so years later when a brother, and a year after that when a sister came along number one son was moving on to Knight Rider and The Dukes of Hazzard. But there was a nice overlap where his siblings picked up where he had left off with Polka Dot Door. And Dad was right there to welcome them. So you're looking at a Polka Dot Door veteran. The show began in 1971 and ran to 1993. I didn't watch the full run but I did get in my fair share. The formula was pretty simple. A young male and female host, which seemed to change every week, sang songs, told stories, made crafts and generally did their best stimulate little brains. The show opened as follows... Imagination Day! Oh boy! ...

Hello Goodbye

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