But not the Government of Canada.
Nope, not our government. They're spending millions of dollars to build statues, dedicate parks, re-enact battles and rub the United States' noses in it. In what? In Canada's victory. That's right my American cousins. We won the War of 1812! Nanny-nanny boo-boo.
Do you know much about our mutual history, my amiable American friends? Nope, me either. Just wanted to be sure we were playing on a level battlefield.
You may have been following some discussions I've had recently with a few blogging buddies about Canadian/American relations. My American friends have taunted and teased me about how cold it is here, that we all eat poutine (on that they're right) smoked meat sandwiches (right again) and that nevertheless they should invade Canada, take over, and set adrift Justine Bieber, Nickelback, Celine Dion and Neil Young on some fast melting ice floe off the coast of Newfoundland.
Without the Treaty of Ghent, Washington might have been the new Ottawa. Of course we would have had to rebuild it since we burned it down. Well, c'mon, fair's fair. You guys burned down *spits* Toronto. Alas the treaty left the boundaries between us as they were before the war. Hey, it's the Canadian way. We probably even apologized to you too, for you starting the war.
How did this almost come to be? Those damn Americans, James Madison in particular, declared war against the British - our four fathers, yeah all four of them - on June 1, 1812. Now Americans like to say they won the battle at sea with their 6 frigates up against Britain's fleet of 1000 ships. Yeah, right. Good luck peddling that.
And they like to think they won on land, along the St Lawrence boundary and through Lake Ontario to Lake Erie. Yeah right. Does the name Major-General Isaac Brock mean anything to you? The man almost single-handidly beat back the Americans throughout Upper Canada. Long after the war they built a huge statue in his honour and named a university after him. And Laura Secord? She played such a pivotal role in warning the British that the Americans were planning an attack she got to open a chain of chocolate shops throughout the country.
Now let me rub a little salt in the wounds of mes amis Americains. Lest you think it was the British that, alone, emerged victorious. They had a little help. Turns out most inhabitants of Upper Canada that joined forces with the British to turn back those nasty Americans were Revolutionary-era exiles from the United States and post-revolutionary war American immigrants. Kind of like an 1812 version of our harbouring your draft-dodgers.
But after all is said and done the War of 1812 set British North America on it's course towards nationhood, formally becoming Canada in 1867. Of course it only took us until 1982 to repatriate our constitution.
So how much is the Government of Canada spending to commemorate the event and ram this little victory down your throats? $28 million dollars. Imagine if the British spent that much on the war itself. You guys might now be living in the United States of Canada.
My God. That means Pee Wee Herman, Lady Ga Ga and Rush Limbaugh were a hair's breadth away from being Canadian!