The 308, 592, 275th Most Interesting Man In The World

Have you seen my hero on TV? He usually shows up in commercials during sporting events. There's something Hemingway-esque about him. Guys around the world look up to him and want to be just like him. You know who I'm talking about? The most interesting man in the world...that's who:

Now that's one helluva guy. I want to be just like him. He's admired world-wide. Looked up to. He has rugged good looks. And he gets all the chicks.

Now I've been working on displacing this guy as the most interesting man in the world. I've been at this for a while. Working really hard. Here's how I've managed to become the 308, 592, 275th most interesting man in the world:

cue voice-over:

He's never one to brag about the close calls he's had.

He let's the skid marks on his shorts do the talking.

He's not a couch potato...he's an intellectual expert in television programming.

He always wears two pairs of pants when he golfs because he often gets a hole in one.

He drinks his beer out of the bottle because glasses are for little boys, babies and nerds.

He doesn't take pictures of his junk and post it on the internet.

Why would he when a statue of him is on display in Florence, Italy.

He's the 308, 592, 275th most interesting man in the world.

I always drink beer, and when I do it's never *spits* Dos Equis.

It's Thursday my friends.