What is it with people who drink too much? Why do they take leave of their senses? I've seen enough stories of stupid drunk people lately that if I taped them I'd have a TV spin-off titled America's Funniest Blottos. A couple of weeks ago I related the tale of two Aussies who shot each other in the buttocks after a heavy session with silly pops because they wanted to know if it would hurt. Well turns out they aren't alone in the "I wonder what would happen if..." society.
That was in Australia last week. This week in the land down under some guy got kicked out of a pub and thought it would be a good idea to jump the fence of a wildlife centre and ride a crocodile. Sure I would have done the same thing...not.
This wasn't any crocodile, but a 16 foot, 1800 pound man-eating croc called Fatso. "Hello, honey, I'll be a little late home from the pub. Yeah, I just saw this crocodile I absolutely have to ride." Somehow, this idiot got away and went back to the pub where they called an ambulance. Crocodile Drunkie underwent surgery for severe lacerations. I hope they examined his head while they were at it.
The proper way to ride a crocodile.
Meanwhile, in New Mexico this week a group of guys from the American chapter of the "I wonder what would happen if..." society bet each other - now get this - that of the three of them, whoever drank the least would be set on fire by the other two. Now there's an incentive for you.
There's always gonna be a loser in these things and sure enough at only 6 beers under his belly, one guy lost. Now this guy was actually lucky because he had a prosthetic leg and that's what his buddies set on fire. I guess they thought it would burn better. Then, realizing he was in pain from their pyro prank they decided to take him to the hospital but changed their minds and dumped him in a ditch by the side of the road. I can just see the cops asking him if he'd been drinking. If he tried to deny it, the poor guy wouldn't have a leg to stand on.
It may be awhile before this guy's able to put his best foot forward.
You know these days, it's not enough to say if you drink don't drive. That slogan should be changed to if you drink don't think!