Have Pity

I've been sick. Sick as a dog. I don't know why people say that. Sick as a dog. If a dog had been this sick it would have been put out of its misery. I think I had a double dose of that nastiest of viruses known to man - and by man I mean men - the man flu.

It started with a scratchy throat. But it quickly progressed to the World War III of colds. I tell you I've never felt this bad. High temperatures, coughing, sneezing, nostril cavities full of man flu mucus and ear aches and diminished hearing.

And this has gone on for nearly a week now. (Yeah, I'm real fun to be around.) But Dr. D er, ah, I mean Mrs. D has been taking care of me. She phones from work to make sure I'm taking my medicine, drinking plenty of fluids and so on. And when she gets home she'll make me a scrambled egg sandwich. For the first two days of this thing I didn't it at all. I've spent my days on the couch - well nothing new in that, but I didn't get out of my pyjamas. And I went to bed at 6 o'clock. But today's a big day. I feel well enough to have a shower. Won't Mrs D be pleased!

Now being home alone sick all day isn't much fun. There's no one to whine and complain to. And for a guy, that's tough. Because the whole idea of the man flu is to whine and complain to your partner about how sick you are. So not only am I sick but even the only enjoyment of being sick is taken away from me.

The days aren't too bad. Just coughing once and awhile with the odd nose blow as I watch TV with the sound up to 30 so I can hear the bloody thing. But the nights are another matter. You know, when your nose is full and you sit straight up you give each nostril equal opportunity. But the minute you're in bed and your head hits that pillow, look out: I haven't seen anything run as fast as Niagara Falls before. So it's wake up every hour, lift snotty face from pillow, blow nose, drink, water, pee, wash hands, wash face, come back to bed, turn other check to the pillow, wake up... You get the idea.

Well thanks for being my surrogate wife (not that way Nicky) you guys and stepping up and letting me whine and complain to you. I just know you feel sorry for me and that makes me feel a little better.

If you want to know more about man flu check out the Urban Dictionary, a pretty funny place.

In the meantime, to get a better grasp of what I've been going trough I found this video to help explain...

Honey, where's my scrambled egg sandwich?