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So Why Don't I Have a Fat Head?

I've never really been what you'd call a hunk. Oh, maybe back in my high school and college days where I played sports in the former and was a poor starving student in the latter. Other than that I've always had a bit of a problem with my weight. My BMI (Body Mass Index) indicates I'm somewhat overweight but when I look around me and see many heavy-set people these days I like to think of myself as nowhere near what they look like. "Husky" I recall applying to myself as a kid. By today's standards I'd like to think of myself as pretty average.

Not me - for demonstration purposes only.

Now before you tell me denial's more than a river in Egypt, I'm not trying to deny my weight problem. Sure I could stand to lose a few pounds. But, hey, it's not really my fault.

Sure, yeah, yeah, my life is somewhat sedentary. Unless, I'm participating in my latest passion - golf - or have been dragged, kicking and screaming, out shopping with Mrs. Dufus I can usually be found not far from the couch either reading, on the computer or watching the idiot box.

My food choices aren't the best and I've been known to down the odd Corona or two. But nothing to excess, mind you. Well, not often.

But getting back to my new excuse, erm, newly discovered problem, the next time Mrs. D asks me if I'm packing a few more pounds I can say, "Um, yeah, sorry, I washed my hair three times yesterday."

Now before you go thinking I'm a bit of a dandy when it comes to my appearance - and I'm not, just ask poor Mrs. D who has to beg me to shave at least once a week - a new study by doctors at New York's Mount Sinai Medical Center says the "chemical calories" lurking in everyday beauty products such as shampoo, body lotions and soap could be to blame for weight gain.

Again not me, but the picture gives me a neat idea.

The doctors suggest that daily exposure to phthalates may be linked to childhood obesity and weight problems in adults. And son of a gun if I don't bathe every day - and shave once a week. And now because of my dedication to good hygiene I'm packing on the pounds. I tell ya, life ain't fair.

I may have to give up soap, shampoo and shaving for the sake of a slimmer self-image.

Pass the cheeseburgers, honey and I'll have another beer while you're up.


redheadranting said…
Props for using the word 'dandy' that word is totally underused these days.

Thank you for this insightful article. I had no idea that my hair washing and obsessive conditioning was the real cause of my ass spread and not the hours of sitting at the computer day in and day out.

Pass me the fries.
Nicky said…
Ok, seriously? Shampoo contributes to weight gain?! Chemical calories? Maybe someone should let them know you're not actually supposed to INGEST the shampoo?
nonamedufus said…
Thanks for that dandy comment. Do you want gravy on the fries?
nonamedufus said…
But that's the problem. Some people do ingest it. Haven't you heard of shampootine?
quirkyloon said…
HA! Mucho funny! And at first I bristled when I read "idiot box." Ahem. That's my touch stone to life and reality in general! hee hee AND... phthalates. I'm enjoying pronouncing that. So thanks for giving me something to do today. Hey, I've got simple needs. hee hee
nonamedufus said…
You know it's funny my mom used to call the TV the idiot box when she'd give me heck for watching too much TV as a kid. I probably watch more now than I ever did. But at least I shampoo less!
Chris@Knucklehead! said…
I'm overweight and bald. No shampoo excuse here.

Someone shoot me.
nonamedufus said…
You must use a lot of skin conditioner, Chris.
00dozo said…
Hell, I've been trying to gain weight in the last year and all I have to do is shower everyday? Who knew?

But I also understand that soap (in any form), when ingested, will give you diarrhea.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

nonamedufus said…
Actually, I think that would be undammed.
00dozo said…
Kinda gives , "Moon River" a new meaning, eh?

Mike said…
Hmm, I thought it was the cheeseburgers and beer that I've been ingesting since we started WWFC. Now I know it's because of the showers too. Crazy.
nonamedufus said…
Andy Williams would be "trotting" in his, if he was dead.
nonamedufus said…
Wow, you must shower a lot.
Nicky said…
That actually explains a lot!
K A B L O O E Y said…
Um, yeah. That's my problem. And hahaha for the shampootine and undamned comments. That's A material, my friend.
nonamedufus said…
You're welcome.
nonamedufus said…
I'm here all week. Don't forget to leave your waitress a nice tip.
Linda Medrano said…
Bathing is over-rated. Just rub yourself down with salt. And keep in mind that a few extra pounds never hurt anyone, (all that much anyway).
nonamedufus said…
Nooooo. Salt's a no-no for me. Contributes to my hypertension. Funny the older you get the fewer foods you can eat. And the fewer showers you can take apparently.
Linda Medrano said…
Oh for heaven's sake, Dufus, I'm not telling you to ingest salt. Just rub it on your dirty bits till they get a bit cleaner!
nonamedufus said…
Wouldn't that make me a salty dog? (nudge, nudge, wink, wink)

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