Skip to main content

Doggone You Computer

Shocking news out there this week. Computers have replaced dogs as man's best friend. A recent poll by YouGov has discovered almost two thirds - or 67% - of us consider our computers as a more constant companion than a dog.

How can this be?

Does a computer come running when you say "Here, boy!"

Does a computer run after a stick or a frisbee when you throw it?

Does a computer hang it's head out the window when you take it for a ride in the car?

Does a computer lick your face?

Does a computer run aimlessly around in circles when you get it's leash to take it for a walk?

If you said "yes" to any of the above questions then you're one sick puppy. A-ha! You see. "One sick PC" just doesn't work there does it.

And what about some of the wonderful characters portrayed by dogs? Lassie, for example. Timmy could hardly say "I've fallen down a well. Go get help PC."

Goofy, Precious Pup and Huckleberry Hound must be rolling in their dog graves. Not to mention Old Yeller, Rin Tin Tin, Bullet the Wonder Dog and here in Canada the Littlest Hobo.

And what of famous quotes about dogs. Look waht happens when you substitute "computer" for "dog" when you say things like:

If your computer is fat you aren' t getting enough exercise.

Some days you're the computer; some days you're the hydrant.

In computer years I'm dead.

Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the computer did it.

Outside of a computer a book is man's best friend. Inside of a computer it's too dark to read.

You see, it just doesn't work.

There is an upside to all this, I'll reluctantly admit.

At least you don't have to clean up messes left by your computer.

You'll save a fortune on kibble.

And a computer will never sniff your crotch.


Nicky said…
A computer will also never hump your leg. Or hump your guests' legs. Or make you go for a walk when it's minus 35 degrees outside. Or shed its fur. Or knock you over when excited.

I am so not a dog person. I am, however, very much a computer person. So what if it can't save Timmy from the well? I'm sure somebody would have found him. Eventually.
nonamedufus said…
Timmy's in good hands. That's why there's Google Maps.
quirkyloon said…
Ruff! However, I must bring up one salient point. If one does fall down a well, one can shoot off an email for help. Or the fact that your cyber friends start to miss you and will send a posse your way to find you.

And computers never fart.

Just ruffin'.

Junebug said…
My computer does not weigh 70 pounds nor do I wake up with it sleeping on me.
It, also, does not rub its butt across my floor.
However, I would gladly give up my laptop for my dogs any day of the week.
nonamedufus said…
Computers don't fart? I have a laptop and from time to time something odorous escapes from underneath it. Or is that just me. Hey, yeah, it is just me. Hahahahahahaha.
nonamedufus said…
If you gave up your laptop for your dogs where would you put your printer?
Laughingmom said…
I will take dog over computer any day even though all 12 pounds of him farts and snores like a 250 pound man!
nonamedufus said…
And you don't get unwanted spam from a dog! Ringworm maybe, but no spam.
redheadranting said…
My dog doesn't chase frisbees, he refuses to stick his head out the window, and when we pull out the leash he thinks we are going to vet so he hides in the shower. I think he's a cat. However, I would take my stupid, seriously confused canine over my pc if I had to make a choice. Thankfully I don't.

That said, my pc doesn't shake, whimper and whine every time there is a thunder storm and it doesn't climb in my bed when it thinks I'm asleep and won't kick it off.
redheadranting said…
If you had the software that blind people use you could call out to the computer to get you out of the well.
Shawn said…
The dog fetches my newspaper. My computer gets me everything else. I am figuring a dog gets fixed once. I have to keep fixing my computer though.
nonamedufus said…
I'm still back at the computer not humping your leg. I must be doing it wrong.
nonamedufus said…
Jen, I think you have a cat.
nonamedufus said…
True enough if you don't have a Mac. (You know you can read newspapers on line now? Maybe the dog could fetch your computer.)
Linda Medrano said…
My dogs are more fun than my computer. And they are better for me too.
nonamedufus said…
That's good Linda. I was never a big fan of LOL Cats.
Melissa Hicks said…
Your computer will never sniff anyone else's crotch ever. Password protection is the best metaphorical chastity belt ever.
nonamedufus said…
If there's one thing I'd hate it'd be an unfaithful computer.
inbed said…
the dog in the photo looks like he's definitely doing important work. look at his intent expression. no, he's not just mucking about on facebook.

visiting via studio 30, following now.

nonamedufus said…
Dogs don't go on Facebook. They go on Buttbook. Welcome to my blog IBWMW. Any friend of Studio 30 is a friend of mine.

Popular posts from this blog

My Back Pages - October

Well, folks, I read seven (count 'em) seven books in October. One I didn't finish but even at that I hit the magic number 50 I estimated for myself by the end of the year. The six books I successfully waded through were, firstly, What Happened, Hillary Clinton's book on her bid for the Presidency. I''m a bit of a political junkie so I get off on this stuff but still it kinda struck me as one long whine over losing.
Next up was the excellent Canyon of Dreams: The Magic and Music of Laurel Canyon. Laurel Canyon was the fabled area outside of Los Angeles where many musicians and artists lived. Known as a 60s enclave, the book takes a look at just who lived there over the last 80 years. A fascinating read.
Next up was Lightfoot, a biography of Canadian folk singer Gordon Lightfoot. He may have been responsible for some iconic folk songs but he was also quite the womanizer and boozer. Enough said.
Then I read Dan Brown's new tome Origin, the fifth in the Robert Lan…

My Back Pages - November

I know, I know, I know I should have reported in before now. But sometimes real life just gets in the way. I attempted 5 books in November. I say attempted because I slapped a big DNF (did not finish) on Neal Stephenson's Cryptonomicon. I just can't seem to get into this guy. It's the second or third of his I've given up on,

Not so the other four, starting with a biography of Stephen Stills called Change Partners. This followed by a hilarious biography of the guy responsible for National Lampoon called A Stupid and Futile Gesture - How Doug Kenney and National Lampoon Changed Comedy Forever.

I ended the month reading yet another biography, this one of the man behind Rolling Stone magazine,. It was called Sticky Fingers: The Life and Times of Jann Wenner and Rolling Stone Magazine. A fascinating read.

So last month I hit the magic number 50 I'd imagined for myself back in January. If I roll this month into my yearly total I'm at 54 books. And I still have Decem…