Skip to main content

The Other Sock

Hi. Richard Gyle here just hangin' out in the dryer. I'm the "other" sock. That's right: R. Gyle. Pleased to meet you. Now don't get me wrong. I don't have a predisposition to step out on my partner and snuggle up to other articles of clothing. Well not on purpose, anyway. But there are times I'll go missing. Yes, for weeks at a time. Like now.

That's me. R. Gyle

It all started several weeks ago when my wife, Ruby, and I - yes, she's an R. Gyle, too - were just hanging out in the laundry basket with our four friends all named Robert. Yeah, that's right a bunch of bobby soxers, real throwbacks to the 50s. Anyway, in the midst of a deep discussion on the benefits of charcoal deodorant shoe inserts imagine our surprise when we were dumped out on the laundry room floor. Oh boy, I thought, a sock hop. But no, this was no dance. Darn.

Nope, this was a free for all. Someone must have thought we were kind of stinky because we all got dumped into a big machine with soap and water. It'd been a while since we'd had a wash. Woo-hoo. In my excitement, though, I lost track of Ruby. We'd been separated.

And then the water started to drain and the whole room was spinning. I tell you, it was enough to knock your socks off.

I accidentally rubbed up against a pair of nylons and started to feel myself coming a little unravelled. But there was nothing I could do. I felt myself and the nylons being transported to a whole other level of intimateness. A warmer place. I think they call it a dryer.

Round and round we went, tumbling to new heights of heat. Hey, I'm quite happy being a one sock guy. But this experience with a pair of heated nylons really had me going.

And then everything went dark. The nylons were gone. And all I could smell was cashmere. Hot cashmere. Hot, folded cashmere.

It seems Ms Cashmere was attracted to me. I felt the electricity between us and I was drawn into the clutches of her sleeve. And now here we are passing the time together in the clothes closet, in the dark, waiting for our illicit, clinging relationship to be discovered. Don't wait up, Ruby.

Oh, it sox to be me.

Who knew a "mere" sweater could be a home wrecker?


Comments

Brett Minor said…
I knew it was intentional. My socks are rarely innocent.
meleahrebeccah said…
I AM DYING OVER "R. Gyle." DYING!! Ahahahhahahahahhahahhaha
Nonamedufus said…
Yeah those socks will tumble for anything. They shouldn't be so loose. They need to pull up their socks.
Nonamedufus said…
Yeah, I know. It was either R. Gyle or his Korean cousin Nee High.
meleahrebeccah said…
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHahahahhahahaahhahahahahha
Deb Silva said…
Has either of the R. Gyles met the J. Geils? They could make beautiful music together.
Nicky said…
Oh, sure, blame the nylons, blame the sweater! It's never your fault is it, R. Gyle? Why don't you just stick a sock in it, Dick!

I apologize for my outburst, but DARN IT! Nothing gets me more than matched socks pretending to be single.
Nonamedufus said…
My R. Gyle is the centrefold!
Nonamedufus said…
Any matched hose that parades around as a single is a going down the tube sock.
Shawn said…
I have 8 single socks that don't match. I have been hanging on to them for years hoping their partners will eventually return.
Nonamedufus said…
Darn those inconsiderate socks! Somewhere in a closet out there is a very happy cashmere sweater.
Ziva said…
Wow, that sweater's a slut. And so is R. Gyle. They really should be suspended from the closet.
Nonamedufus said…
They really are a couple of hangers on aren't they?

Popular posts from this blog

My Back Pages - October

Well, folks, I read seven (count 'em) seven books in October. One I didn't finish but even at that I hit the magic number 50 I estimated for myself by the end of the year. The six books I successfully waded through were, firstly, What Happened, Hillary Clinton's book on her bid for the Presidency. I''m a bit of a political junkie so I get off on this stuff but still it kinda struck me as one long whine over losing.
Next up was the excellent Canyon of Dreams: The Magic and Music of Laurel Canyon. Laurel Canyon was the fabled area outside of Los Angeles where many musicians and artists lived. Known as a 60s enclave, the book takes a look at just who lived there over the last 80 years. A fascinating read.
Next up was Lightfoot, a biography of Canadian folk singer Gordon Lightfoot. He may have been responsible for some iconic folk songs but he was also quite the womanizer and boozer. Enough said.
Then I read Dan Brown's new tome Origin, the fifth in the Robert Lan…

My Back Pages - November

I know, I know, I know I should have reported in before now. But sometimes real life just gets in the way. I attempted 5 books in November. I say attempted because I slapped a big DNF (did not finish) on Neal Stephenson's Cryptonomicon. I just can't seem to get into this guy. It's the second or third of his I've given up on,

Not so the other four, starting with a biography of Stephen Stills called Change Partners. This followed by a hilarious biography of the guy responsible for National Lampoon called A Stupid and Futile Gesture - How Doug Kenney and National Lampoon Changed Comedy Forever.

I ended the month reading yet another biography, this one of the man behind Rolling Stone magazine,. It was called Sticky Fingers: The Life and Times of Jann Wenner and Rolling Stone Magazine. A fascinating read.

So last month I hit the magic number 50 I'd imagined for myself back in January. If I roll this month into my yearly total I'm at 54 books. And I still have Decem…