Television can be such a wasteland - filled only with reality shows that really make me wince. When I feel beaten down by all the whacky characters of weality TV, and all my favourite dramas are in repeats, I retreat to that safe refuge known as HGTV.
One of my favourite shows used to be House Hunters. I enjoyed how couples were shown three different residences and at the end of the show chose the house they felt was best suited to them. The wife and I have been watching this for years. Maybe too long. Lately we've noticed the participants make quite inane comments about the homes they visit. Inane comments to the point that my wife and I shout back at the screen in response to their stupid statements. We think we could start a show of our own. Yeah. You know how movie DVD's sometimes inlclude versions of the film run over it's director's commentary? Well we propose an edition of House Hunters - Viewer's Commentary. And it would go something like this:
Oh, I don't like those drapes.
Then replace them, dummy. Buying a house doesn't come down to something that's so simple to replace.
You know I think that bathroom could use some work.
Hey, you ever hear of the DIY Network?
Oh, I'm not sure I'd like living so near the railway.
Hey, at least it's not the airport, honey.
I like the house but the closets are so small.
Hey, who are you, Oprah?
Oh, I don't know where I'll be able to put all my shoes.
On eBay, maybe? How many shoes do you have? You're looking for a house with 4 bedrooms and you have no children. Put them in one of your bedrooms, Bitch!
I gotta have me a man cave. But this room is no good, it makes me feel like I'm in a prison.
You look like you just got out of prison, mofo.
Ew, I'm not sure I like that colour. It's so....purple.
There's this new labour saving device that's quite popular these days. It called a PAINT BRUSH you spoiled bimbo!
Oh, I don't know. The rooms seem so small.
Hey, you're the one who wanted to live in the middle of downtown. You want more room? Like John Prine used to say:
Blow up your TV, throw away your paper
Go to the country, build you a home
Plant a little garden, eat a lot of peaches
Try and find Jesus on your own.
I don't know but the ceilings seem a little low...for me.
So move to a castle. Who do you think you are, the Jolly Green Giant?
What do you think? Possibilities? My wife and I think it's the funniest thing on TV!