Skip to main content

The dufus "Dufus of the Week" Award

You know it's a slow news day when these kinds of stories capture the headlines.

Here's a guy that gives the rest of us dufuses a bad name.

In Austin, Texas last week some guy tried to rob a gas station with a gun... a caulking gun!  He pointed the caulking gun at the attendant and demanded money.  I wonder if he had "beady" little eyes and moved quickly.

This is just so stupid on so many levels.

"Uh, is that thing caulked and loaded?"

"Hands up.  Any sudden moves and I'll seal you."

"No one will suspect me.  I'll have an air-tight alibi."

The gas station attendant was some 68 year-old dude.  68?  Yeah, he'd probably just been let go as a WalMart greeter.  Anyway, he hit the 17 year-old robber over the head with a plastic trash can who ran away with his buddy...a transgender prostitute he'd picked up earlier in the evening.

Doesn't this story just keep getting better and better?

"Is that a caulking gun in your pants or are you just glad to see me."

"Hey, big boy, you're not the only one with a silicon job."

"Aw damn, my caulking gun just prematurely ejaculated!"

Police tracked the suspect down to his mobile home, where he lives with his mother.  Somehow I could just tell the guy lived in a trailer park.

Seems the motive for the botched robbery was the pair were raising money to buy and smoke crack.

It was doomed to fail, though.  Caulking fills cracks.

In the end, I guess you could say the whole affair was one big caulk-up!


CatLadyLarew said…
I feel safer going out at night, knowing that I own a caulking gun... and I know how to use it!
nonamedufus said…
Boom-Boom: Hey, just make sure you don't go off half-caulked!
Anonymous said…
Do you have to have a license for a concealed caulker?

I think here in AZ you don't (anymore) it's our solution to border problems.

heh heh
00dozo said…
Ahhh, my morning groan. Loved it!

The clerk probably said something like, "Now don't get 'caulky' with me, young man!", which caused the robber to hit him.
nonamedufus said…
Quirks: Don't they issue caulking guns to all law enforcement officers? It's why you have a sealed border.
nonamedufus said…
00dozo: That was a good one! I think you've sealed the deal!
Don said…
Holy grail Batman!! Sweet little double entendre in case you missed it. "...a plastic trash can who ran away with his buddy..."
nonamedufus said…
Don: Oh, well. You may think it's garbage but at this point I "refuse" to make any changes. *groannn*
Leeuna said…
Those things have a hair trigger. It's a miracle that no one got caulked in the face. What a moron!
Tgoette said…
Here in CA we have an "open carry" policy toward caulking guns. It's just the caulk we can't walk around with out in the open.

That's one lesson I won't soon forget.
nonamedufus said…
Leeuna: Don't you just hate when that happens? It sure would have sealed the deal for me.
nonamedufus said…
Tgoette: What would the world be coming to if everyone walked around with their caulk out. Sheesh.
00dozo said…
So, I guess that makes me the caulk of the walk.
nonamedufus said…
00dozo: A caulk or dude'll do.

Popular posts from this blog

My Back Pages - October

Well, folks, I read seven (count 'em) seven books in October. One I didn't finish but even at that I hit the magic number 50 I estimated for myself by the end of the year. The six books I successfully waded through were, firstly, What Happened, Hillary Clinton's book on her bid for the Presidency. I''m a bit of a political junkie so I get off on this stuff but still it kinda struck me as one long whine over losing.
Next up was the excellent Canyon of Dreams: The Magic and Music of Laurel Canyon. Laurel Canyon was the fabled area outside of Los Angeles where many musicians and artists lived. Known as a 60s enclave, the book takes a look at just who lived there over the last 80 years. A fascinating read.
Next up was Lightfoot, a biography of Canadian folk singer Gordon Lightfoot. He may have been responsible for some iconic folk songs but he was also quite the womanizer and boozer. Enough said.
Then I read Dan Brown's new tome Origin, the fifth in the Robert Lan…

My Back Pages - November

I know, I know, I know I should have reported in before now. But sometimes real life just gets in the way. I attempted 5 books in November. I say attempted because I slapped a big DNF (did not finish) on Neal Stephenson's Cryptonomicon. I just can't seem to get into this guy. It's the second or third of his I've given up on,

Not so the other four, starting with a biography of Stephen Stills called Change Partners. This followed by a hilarious biography of the guy responsible for National Lampoon called A Stupid and Futile Gesture - How Doug Kenney and National Lampoon Changed Comedy Forever.

I ended the month reading yet another biography, this one of the man behind Rolling Stone magazine,. It was called Sticky Fingers: The Life and Times of Jann Wenner and Rolling Stone Magazine. A fascinating read.

So last month I hit the magic number 50 I'd imagined for myself back in January. If I roll this month into my yearly total I'm at 54 books. And I still have Decem…