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Showing posts from October, 2011

A Harrowing Hallowe'en Homily

This is a story about Marvin.

Marvin's a monster.

Don't misunderstand me. He's not a monster in the berates his kids and beats his wife way.

No. I mean in the not human way. He's a real honest-to-goodness monster. Well I shouldn't say not in the human way because Marvin's miscellaneous modules do come from various human sources. But they were donated after they died because, well, they really had no use for them any more.

Marvin's master, Micky, took great pains to create Marvin in his image. And he more or less succeeded. Micky's gone now, the sad victim of an argument between he and his creation. Well, we know who got in the last word in that one, don't we.

Today, of all days, is Marvin's 30th birthday.

It was touch and go there for a while when Marvin was just a mini monster. Transfusions, electrical charges and a little lightening now and then were all that were needed to ensure Marvin grew up to become a normal boo-boy.

In his early 20s Ma…

Sunday Funnies

Pause Ponder and Preposterous Piercing

Hey, look who was hangin' with the dufus this week. Yep, my good pal Barry O. I was giving the guy a little economic advice, you know, seeing how we're so solvent north of the border. And look what the guy did. He framed my avatar. Naturally I autographed it for him because he's going to hang it in a very special place at the White House:

"Barack, I'll think of you when I occupy the bathroom."
So let's get down to things and maybe I can enlighten you on who will be hangin' with me this week.

Remember this guy?


Yeah, that's right. Debby Boone's husband. He really light's up her life. Well here's what some other folks said to make it into the honourable mentions this week:



Ladies this is why you never wait until last call to make your choice Moooooog


Is that a lighter in yor tongue, or are you just glad to see me? Cruella Collett


You think that's bad? You should see his penis. Shawn


Hey dig my new subwoofers. 00dozo


*drum roll* and the w…

To The Victor Go The Spoils

Okay, I realize I'm taking a chance here running a post about fantasy football. Whenever I do comments for some reason simply plummet. Be thankful it isn't a post of a three day Facebook thread. Those get next to no comments. But on the football thing I think people just go "Oh, no, dufus is rambling on about fantasy football again" and they cover their ears and go "la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la." But, folks, I'm doing so well these days I just had to share. I know it's not about zombies, cute dogs or cryptologists - items that have readers flock to other blogs to leave effusive comments, but, hey, give a guy a break. Look at this as dufus occupies blog street. For today, guys, hold your nose and pass the football.


Yeah, that's me. They don't call me Mr. Tibbs. They call me noname "victor" dufus. In week 7 your humble fantasy football fanatic squeaked byFuture Ex-Cons104-90. It's not the biggest margin for a win. But it's a win no…

Pause Ponder and Pun #103

Um, yeah, okay.

Have a go at this guys.

I'm looking forward to your insightful and piercing comments.

See ya Saturday.

The War That Time Forgot

But not the Government of Canada.



Nope, not our government. They're spending millions of dollars to build statues, dedicate parks, re-enact battles and rub the United States' noses in it. In what? In Canada's victory. That's right my American cousins. We won the War of 1812! Nanny-nanny boo-boo.

Do you know much about our mutual history, my amiable American friends? Nope, me either. Just wanted to be sure we were playing on a level battlefield.

You may have been following some discussions I've had recently with a few blogging buddies about Canadian/American relations. My American friends have taunted and teased me about how cold it is here, that we all eat poutine (on that they're right) smoked meat sandwiches (right again) and that nevertheless they should invade Canada, take over, and set adrift Justine Bieber, Nickelback, Celine Dion and Neil Young on some fast melting ice floe off the coast of Newfoundland.

Without the Treaty of Ghent, Washington might have…

Sunday Funnies

Pause Ponder and A Piggy Poitrine

No not poutine. Poitrine. That's French for breast. I'll make you guys bilingual yet. Or at least teach you the essential French words to know. You know,  things like "Excusez-moi, mais vous avez poutine sur votre poitrine". You never know when your wife or girlfriend might drip poutine on their, um, poitrine, right? And how better to tell her than by using the universal language of love...and cheese curds.

This is what you get when you google "poitrine pics":


You can see how very different those are from poutine. Okay now that I've totally distracted you, or some of you perhaps, let's try to get get back to the matter at hand.

Boy, you folks are good. Determining a winner this week was extremely difficult. There were so many great captions to, what I thought was, one weird picture. I wonder if it was old MacDonald's wife? Ee-eye-ee-eye-oh. And by the way, those certainly aren't little piggies. Any-hoo, let's take a look at this week'…

What's It To Ya?

You've heard there was a yummy food That dufus ate, and t'was very good But you don't really care for breakfast, do you? It goes like this In it's own grease The minor heat, major release I love to cook my bacon what's it to ya?
What's it to ya, what's it to ya? What's it to ya? What's it tooooo-oo-oo-oo ya?
Your hunger's strong but I, like a goof, I saw it call to me on the hoof It's beauty in the barnyard overthrew you I carved it in my kitchen lair I broke it's bones and cut it bare And from my lips you drew the "What's it to ya?"
What's it to ya, what's it to ya? What's it to ya? What's it tooooo-oo-oo-oo ya?
Baby I have been here before I know this pork, I've asked for more I used to fry alone before I knew you I've seen you cook home fries with starch My eyes they lifted in an arch It's a cold and it's a broken "What's it to ya?"

What's it to ya, what's it to ya? …

Pause Ponder and Pun #102

Okay some people are dull but this woman's a down right boar.

Waddaya think?

Leave a caption or two or three in the comments.

There'll be no pig in a poke come Saturday. What you'll see will be what you get.

The Art of Facebook Comment Thread Hijacking

Okay, I've shared this kind of thing with you before but a hijacking I participated in last week was too funny not to pass on. It's amazing the twists and turns these things take. They're so full of apparent non-sequitors it's like all the participants have attention deficit disorder.

One of the points Jen makes in the article we soon all ignore - you all remember the lovely Minnesota man magnet Jennifer Brown from Tribal Blogs - is that for some of us blog writing is suffering because we spend too much damn time on the Satan of social networking otherwise known as Facebook.

Well, today I kill two internet social activities with one post.

Oh, and remember, for the purposes of Facebook I have a secret alternative identity where I'm known only as John Bray...


Jennifer's Profile · Jennifer's Wall Jennifer Brown I know Kelly BristowMargaret AndrewsKathy FrederickNicky-and MikeMichael Whiteman-Jones and John Bray will appreciate this post!You Can't Judg…