When I was a kid, I knew a guy that used to practice his clarinet on the toilet. No that's not a euphemism. If you came to the door to call on him and heard the clarinet you knew where he was. His Dad said he spent so much time on the toilet seat he had a ring around his ass. I wonder if it wasn't a ploy to mask his grunts and groans as he did his business? He'd never admit to it.
I came across a survey this week about what people do in the bathroom. It seems I'm in the minority. Whereas I'm there to do my business, most people are there for another purpose.
The folks from Georgia-Pacific make Quilted Northern toilet paper and conducted a survey into people's bathroom habits. Seems folks are more sociable in the John than on Facebook. I guess you could say they're getting their message across while tinkling not Twittering.
41 per cent of those polled thought the bathroom was a great place to gossip; 30 per cent said they talk about their jobs (presumably the ones in the office not the toilet) and 20 per cent discuss sex. That's discuss sex, not have sex. All told 86 per cent of people say bathrooms are a great place for a personal conversation. Oh sure they'll tell perfect strangers the most intimate details of their sex lives but at least 56 per cent don't feel comfortable asking the person in the next stall to pass them the toilet paper.
Here's something I know you'll be interested in learning. 31 per cent of those surveyed scrunch their toilet paper while 28 per cent favour the folding method. Hmm, fewer anal type than I imagined. There appears to not have been a question on the old unrolling the toilet paper over or under. Damn.
Finally, most people don't say they're going to the "bathroom". 26 per cent said they were going to "use the potty". Oh yeah like that sounds better. 21 per cent said they were off to "heed nature's call" and 26 per cent said they were going to "drop a deuce". What, now they're playing poker in there? No sign of my personal favourite, "I'm gonna go for a dump".
I'm kind of flushed by all this toilet talk. Who knew going to the bathroom now a days means something else entirely.
Excuse me. I've got to, erm, drop a deuce and write my next post.
This poopy post first plopped at The Parody Files.