…O'er the land of the free
And the home of the brave.
Look out, look out, those jets are flying pretty low…whew, that was close. Watch out for the Met Life blimp!
…gentlemen, start your engines.
Okay, here we go. Outta the pits and onto the track behind the pace car.
Why do they call it the pace car, anyway? The only pace it keeps is so slow the cars behind it swerve back and forth to pretend they want to pass it.
I wonder if I can buy a beer from the #2 car and some M&Ms from the #18? They're going slow enough, I could just run along side them… uh-oh, that guy's waving a green flag and the cars are speeding up. I'll have to wait 'till they pit.
Why do they call it the pits? Does it suck to work down there? Does it smell like armpit sweat? They could probably use some Old Spice.
They sure run around a lot down there. I'll bet they could use a Budweiser right about now.
Oh, geez, a crash. I didn't know Danica Patrick was racing this week. Give a woman driver a rear-view mirror and some lipstick and trouble's sure to happen.
Uh-oh, better get Maaco. I hope those drivers have Aflac.
Geez, I'm starting to get a crick in my neck, having to always turn it left, left, left, left.
All these left turns must be a natural for those U.S. Army and National Guard cars.
Heck, I'm thirsty. I could do with a Crown Royal. I should make a 3M Post-It note to myself to remind me to get one at the next break.
And I don't know why I'm so hungry but I feel like some McDonald's or Long John Silver's.
Oh, geez, another crash…right into the grandstand. I see a trip to Home Depot coming up.
Hey look, the #5 car's out in front…Go Daddy!
Damn, I got so excited I dripped some Taco Bell on my shirt. I could use some Clorox.
Look, look Denny Hamlin's gonna win. Lordy, he crossed that finish line faster than FedEx!
Juan Pablo Montoya gave Hamlin a run for his money but today he was just off Target.
Poor Jimmie Johnson. Another loss. He must be feeling pretty Lowe about now!