Summer Camp Survival Guide

It's Day 4 of camp over at the interweb's comedy motherhouse Humor Bloggers Dot Com. Tuesday I participated in Campfire Sing Along Day. Today it's "Survival Day" and Head Camp Boob-Pah...er, ah...Poo-Bah Thinkinfyou has appointed Red Raider from Beyond Left Field to coordinate our survival efforts.

So, Red, here's how our little charges should handle themselves - and why - if they want to make it out alive...

1. Get your mom to sew labels with name and phone number in all clothes, particularly underwear...campers will change underwear every day - Tommy will change his with Billy, Billy with Harry, etc., and you'll want to get your own back at the end of the session before you go home.

2. Pack nutritious snack items, fruit and fruit juice boxes...because you won't find any nutritious meals at camp. We serve the blah-est and tasteless looking goopy slop you've ever seen. So if you wanna still be standing when camp's done, bring your own nutritious stuff.

3. Bring sunscreen and sun tan lotion...unless you live in eastern Canada or the northeast United States where these items may be substituted for rubber boots, raincoats and sou' wester hats (i.e. the garments worn on The Deadliest Catch). They've seen so much rain and so little sunshine for so long...how long is it?...its been so long moss has started to grow in their armpits.

4. Swimming is a daily activity so bring at least 2 swimsuits...unless you live in eastern Canada or the northeast United States, then see #3.

5. Pack plenty of cash or a 40 ouncer of Canadian Club...Counselor Raider can be bribed. He might just remember where he hid the outhouse key if appropriately compensated or lubricated.

And thus endeth the lesson of how to survive Camp Humor Blogger Dot Com! Thank God its only virtual.