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The More Things Change The More They Remain The Same.

Well it's been five weeks since I've seen her; since I felt her soft caresses on my body; felt her warmth next to me; experienced her suppleness and flexibility; let myself simply relax in her firm embrace. But I'm back, baby. And, boy, did I ever miss my couch.

Let me tell you five weeks of intensive golf playing for a neophyte such as me has resulted in pain and fatigue in parts of my body I never knew existed. And that last week with my brothers Whitey - Sir Punsalot - and Killer - Sir Drinksalot - really put me over the top. We played 18 holes a day followed by 18 bottles a day. At that pace I'm kinda happy it was just a week. Not only is my body bent out of shape but my liver's crying "mercy".

But it's nice to get back to reality (he tries to convince himself). This morning I powered up the MacBook to see what was happening in the world, and I must say I wasn't disappointed.

First I see where a 33 year old woman in Buenos Aires took a 23 storey dive off a hotel balcony and landed on a cab...and lived. That's gotta be a first. Usually you can never find a cab when you need one.

Then I read an article about WalMart coming out with a cosmetic line for 8 year olds - make-up and anti-aging goodies such as liptstick, eyeliner, cleansers, exfoliates and the like. Just what the world needs: tween tramps.

And finally I came across a story about a 65 year-old woman in South Carolina who hung her nephew's dog with an extension cord and then set it on fire. Why? Because she said it was a devil dog after it chewed on her bible. Boy, if that's what she did to a dog, I'd sure hate to be the Jehovah's Witness rep in her neighbourhood.

Funny, eh? I leave the country for 5 weeks and when I get back what's changed? Not much. I've still got plenty of material it seems to keep this blog a growing concern.

I'll be around to visit you guys soon.

Comments

00dozo said…
dufus!?! I tagged you, "Sir Punsalot" awhile back - although Whitey is very good at it, too! (No offense, Whitey.)

Welcome home!
nonamedufus said…
00dozo: When my brothers and I get together it's always a real punfest, which tends to get helped along by the number of beers we imbibe. This time around Whitey outdid us all.
Nicky said…
Yup, it's almost like you were never gone at all, isn't it?

Glad you're back :-)
Linda Medrano said…
I've missed you Dufus! Where did you find those articles??? If not for you, I would not have known about any of these important things! Thank God you're back!
K A B L O O E Y said…
Got to say, I wish you had video of you getting out-punned. That must have been quite the pun-off.
"First I see where a 33 year old woman in Buenos Aires took a 23 storey dive off a hotel balcony and landed on a cab...and lived. That's gotta be a first. Usually you can never find a cab when you need one."

I know it's early, but that's the best joke I've heard this year. I'm guessing it'll be in the top 10 11 months from now, too. Welcome back, I'm sorry to say, NoName.
nonamedufus said…
Nicky: I know. Thank God there are lots of stupid people in the world.
nonamedufus said…
Linda:They were all on yesterday's Drudge Report website. So I certainly didn't have to go far to find them. And I love sharing these stories. I think they need a wider audience. Kind of makes the rest of us feel a litle better, don't you think?
nonamedufus said…
KABLOOEY: It's a family thing. Imagine me times 3. And then, of course, there's a lot of pun up-man-ship that goes on, too.
nonamedufus said…
MikeWJ:Well I like to see the practical aspects of some of these more bizarre incidents, as you know. And, I'm here all week...try the ribs. Barump-bump.
I think the tween tramps market has officially been labeled "twamps".

You heard it here first.
nonamedufus said…
Chris: Gypsies, Twamps and Thieves. Love it.
Don said…
Glad you're back. Now you've got some stories to share with us. If not, then let me know. I'll share some with you.
nonamedufus said…
Don: With minus 10C temperatures and having caught a damn cold, I'd say I was happy to be back but...
Jen said…
First of all an 8 year old is not a tween, they are children. Tweens are 10-12 year olds and usually have an attitude.

Also I was at Mooooog's place just before stopping here and so I read

"woman in South Carolina who hung her nephew's dog...."

as

"woman in South Carolina who humped her nephew's dog"

Either way it's wrong.
nonamedufus said…
Jen: On the make-up, I'll bet the little girl pageant moms are really happy. On the dog, well, I think I have to agree with you.
Boom Boom Larew said…
Coming back from Florida was such a disappointment for me... nobody broke into my house and stole all my crap while I was away. Now I still have to deal with it. Damn. Hope your transition is painless.
nonamedufus said…
Boom Boom: Yeah coming back was a big disappointment for me, too. Someone stole my warm weather!
you can never find a cab when you need one...bahahah

warm weather is here its 40deg celxius ...you can have it back
nonamedufus said…
IWBY: I love the warm weather. But you can keep the floods. I hope you've been keeping high and dry.
lol. thanks yep dry here,i'm inland,not near a big river. thank gooness,it's a nightmare up in queensland,they have a cyclone to contend with this week...
cardiogirl said…
Oy this is a sad day, hearing that Walmart is now offering makeup for EIGHT year olds. Ugh.
nonamedufus said…
IWBY: The news stories were amazing. So much destruction. You're lucky to be away from it.
nonamedufus said…
cardiogirl: Yeah, that's discrimination. What about all those 4 and 6 year olds?
What? You left the country to play golf? Who does that?
nonamedufus said…
Margaret: Oh, lots. It's a sizeable "club".

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