Skip to main content

Malawi Methane Mayhem


From Africa comes a story that is sure to cause reverberations...or, perhaps, prevent them. The country of Malawi is tired of its citizens making a stink. Not in opposition to the government...just making a stink. The government of Malawi plans to punish persistent offenders who foul the air. You got it. No more farting in public.

No farts for you!

Can you imagine the reaction to such a law? I'll bet residents think it's the shits. After all, the government intends to muzzle freedom of expression. I wonder what happens to a muzzled fart? The mind boggles. And the eyes cross.

No more tooting in the streets. And I'm not talking car horns. Of course, residents are skeptical as to how the new law will be enforced. Will there be a special fart force of Storm Poopers? And in public, how will they be able to tell just who the culprit is? To the cops' questions of "Who cut the cheese?" they'll never nail the nasal offender when everyone points at one another and says "He who smelt it dealt it."

South African activist Desmond Toot Toot expressed dismay with Malawi's move, saying a fart tied was far worse than apartheid.

Others say there hasn't been this much talk of flatulence since Madonna made her case to adopt her last child.

But Malawi's lawmakers appear unperturbed by the criticism and are not willing to bend...over.

Opposition leader Bingu Fartsalot, however, says the people's will, will out in the end. For now, however, the answer is blowing in the wind.

Comments

Linda Medrano said…
Dang, Dufus! I really don't know what to say about this. So I'll keep silent.
nonamedufus said…
Linda: Silent? Yeah, those are usually the worst ones.
Leeuna said…
Well, I am flabberGASted at this news. Is this in retaliation to the smoking ban? Kind of like an "If I can't smoke, you can't fart" thing?
nonamedufus said…
Leeuna: Hahaha. FlabberGASted. I love it. Wish I'd thought of it.
Donnie said…
Hey! Cut those folks some slack. I hear water buffalo fat is really greasy and doesn't sit too well on the stomach.
nonamedufus said…
Donnie: (Donnie?) hahahahah "water buffalo fat" You're one of a kind.
Quirkyloon said…
And will they have one of those signs? Circle with a line through a green cloud?

Ha!

Thank goodness I won't be visiting anytime soon.

Because I was planning to.

Really.

Ahem.

Woops!

Excuse me!
nonamedufus said…
Quirks: That was close. Glad you read this in time. Last thing we need is for Quirks to be locked up in a deep, dank, stinky cell in Malawi. Why stinky? Well, um, you know...
I'd like to speak out on behalf of my people, the British, and say that I think it sounds very civilized.
00dozo said…
I don't think they could pass this gaseous garnishment in France - Frenchmen always seem to be farting in your general direction.
;-)
nonamedufus said…
00dozo: Ah, that may explain why they're always saying "Il faut que je p├Ęte". Or where Monty Python came up with that line originally.
They'd better keep their dogs close to pass the gas blame onto them.
nonamedufus said…
Boom Boom: Eww, dog farts, they're the worst, other than woodchuck farts.
Quirkyloon said…
And will they have one of those signs? Circle with a line through a green cloud?

Ha!

Thank goodness I won't be visiting anytime soon.

Because I was planning to.

Really.

Ahem.

Woops!

Excuse me!

Popular posts from this blog

My Back Pages - October

Well, folks, I read seven (count 'em) seven books in October. One I didn't finish but even at that I hit the magic number 50 I estimated for myself by the end of the year. The six books I successfully waded through were, firstly, What Happened, Hillary Clinton's book on her bid for the Presidency. I''m a bit of a political junkie so I get off on this stuff but still it kinda struck me as one long whine over losing.
Next up was the excellent Canyon of Dreams: The Magic and Music of Laurel Canyon. Laurel Canyon was the fabled area outside of Los Angeles where many musicians and artists lived. Known as a 60s enclave, the book takes a look at just who lived there over the last 80 years. A fascinating read.
Next up was Lightfoot, a biography of Canadian folk singer Gordon Lightfoot. He may have been responsible for some iconic folk songs but he was also quite the womanizer and boozer. Enough said.
Then I read Dan Brown's new tome Origin, the fifth in the Robert Lan…

My Back Pages - November

I know, I know, I know I should have reported in before now. But sometimes real life just gets in the way. I attempted 5 books in November. I say attempted because I slapped a big DNF (did not finish) on Neal Stephenson's Cryptonomicon. I just can't seem to get into this guy. It's the second or third of his I've given up on,

Not so the other four, starting with a biography of Stephen Stills called Change Partners. This followed by a hilarious biography of the guy responsible for National Lampoon called A Stupid and Futile Gesture - How Doug Kenney and National Lampoon Changed Comedy Forever.

I ended the month reading yet another biography, this one of the man behind Rolling Stone magazine,. It was called Sticky Fingers: The Life and Times of Jann Wenner and Rolling Stone Magazine. A fascinating read.

So last month I hit the magic number 50 I'd imagined for myself back in January. If I roll this month into my yearly total I'm at 54 books. And I still have Decem…