Skip to main content

Malawi Methane Mayhem

From Africa comes a story that is sure to cause reverberations...or, perhaps, prevent them. The country of Malawi is tired of its citizens making a stink. Not in opposition to the government...just making a stink. The government of Malawi plans to punish persistent offenders who foul the air. You got it. No more farting in public.

No farts for you!

Can you imagine the reaction to such a law? I'll bet residents think it's the shits. After all, the government intends to muzzle freedom of expression. I wonder what happens to a muzzled fart? The mind boggles. And the eyes cross.

No more tooting in the streets. And I'm not talking car horns. Of course, residents are skeptical as to how the new law will be enforced. Will there be a special fart force of Storm Poopers? And in public, how will they be able to tell just who the culprit is? To the cops' questions of "Who cut the cheese?" they'll never nail the nasal offender when everyone points at one another and says "He who smelt it dealt it."

South African activist Desmond Toot Toot expressed dismay with Malawi's move, saying a fart tied was far worse than apartheid.

Others say there hasn't been this much talk of flatulence since Madonna made her case to adopt her last child.

But Malawi's lawmakers appear unperturbed by the criticism and are not willing to bend...over.

Opposition leader Bingu Fartsalot, however, says the people's will, will out in the end. For now, however, the answer is blowing in the wind.


Linda Medrano said…
Dang, Dufus! I really don't know what to say about this. So I'll keep silent.
nonamedufus said…
Linda: Silent? Yeah, those are usually the worst ones.
Leeuna said…
Well, I am flabberGASted at this news. Is this in retaliation to the smoking ban? Kind of like an "If I can't smoke, you can't fart" thing?
nonamedufus said…
Leeuna: Hahaha. FlabberGASted. I love it. Wish I'd thought of it.
Donnie said…
Hey! Cut those folks some slack. I hear water buffalo fat is really greasy and doesn't sit too well on the stomach.
nonamedufus said…
Donnie: (Donnie?) hahahahah "water buffalo fat" You're one of a kind.
Quirkyloon said…
And will they have one of those signs? Circle with a line through a green cloud?


Thank goodness I won't be visiting anytime soon.

Because I was planning to.




Excuse me!
nonamedufus said…
Quirks: That was close. Glad you read this in time. Last thing we need is for Quirks to be locked up in a deep, dank, stinky cell in Malawi. Why stinky? Well, um, you know...
I'd like to speak out on behalf of my people, the British, and say that I think it sounds very civilized.
00dozo said…
I don't think they could pass this gaseous garnishment in France - Frenchmen always seem to be farting in your general direction.
nonamedufus said…
00dozo: Ah, that may explain why they're always saying "Il faut que je p├Ęte". Or where Monty Python came up with that line originally.
They'd better keep their dogs close to pass the gas blame onto them.
nonamedufus said…
Boom Boom: Eww, dog farts, they're the worst, other than woodchuck farts.
Quirkyloon said…
And will they have one of those signs? Circle with a line through a green cloud?


Thank goodness I won't be visiting anytime soon.

Because I was planning to.




Excuse me!

Popular posts from this blog

My Back Pages - November

I read five books last month bringing my year to date total to 61, well past the 50 I estimated at the beginning of the year. And I've yet to get through December.

The month started out with The Nix, the debut novel by Nathan Hill which has been receiving a lot off positive reviews. In it Hill flips back and fourth from the 1968 Chicago protests and 2011 in a desperate search for the truth behind why his mother abandoned him at an early age. In between Hill takes on politics, the media and addiction as well as other aspects of society. It's a well-spun tale and I quite enjoyed reading it.

Next up was the auto-biographical I Am Brian Wilson of Beach Boys fame. This was somewhat of a scattered affair but an interesting read nonetheless. Wilson - or his ghostwriter - however is no Hemingway.

Then it was on to one of my favourite authors, Ian Rankin and his latest tale of now retired Inspector John Rebus, Rather Be The Devil. I never tire of these stories and this is the 21st in …

My Back Pages - 2016

Here, as promised is a month-by-month breakdown of the 67 books I delved into this year. I got off to a strong start and then my intake dwindled for a couple of months until picking back up in April. I'll let you in on my favourites at the end of this list.


Here, There and Everywhere:
My Life Recording the Music of the Beatles - Geoff Emerick - ****
H is for Hawk - Helen Macdonald - ***
Close To The Edge - The Story of Yes - Chris Welch - ***
Sweet Caress - William Boyd - ****


Purity by Jonathan Franzen 
Still Alice by Lisa Genova.


Natchez Burning - Greg Iles
The Promise (Elvis Cole #20) - Robert Crais


The Snowman (Harry Hole)- Joe Nesbo ****
Phantom (Harry Hole) - Joe Nesbo ****
The Leopard (Harry Hole) - Jo Nesbo ****


George Harrison Reconsidered ***
The Heart Goes Last - Margaret Atwood ****
Dropping The Needle - The Vinyl Dialogues Volume II ***
The Electric Mist with the Confederate Dead, (Dave Robicheaux #6) - James Lee Burke****


 Lust and Wonder - Aug…

Traveling Along Singing A Song

Pete and Paulie were strolling along one day. The sun was bright, the air was cool, the birds chirped crazily in the trees and the squirrels  munched merrily on their nuts. Well not their nuts exactly. Nuts they found on the ground and in the gardens in the park.

Paulie felt so good he began to whistle. It wasn't any tune in particular, just one of those annoyingly tuneless whistles that wandered all over the place. Pete looked at Paulie and he squiggled up his nose and he said "What the hell is that?" Paulie replied "Oh nothing in particular. I'm just happy." "But you're not even whistling a tune" said Pete. Paulie replied "If you're so wise I'd like to see you do better, Pete."

Pete went silent for a moment and seemed to mumble to himself for a moment or two. Then he cleared his throat with a little cough, he opened his mouth and he began to sing.

"There once was a king very wise
Who spoke to his enemies in disguise