In the doldrums of summer there’s nothing better to keep an idle American interested in American Idol (see what I just did there?) than to leak stories about the coming season’s panel of judges. After the Ellen experiment exploded (oooh, nice alliteration) in the executive producers’ faces things looked about as bleak as Kara DioGuardi’s next paycheck. (Who?)
But now, Idolettes, word comes of a truly unique pairing of pop music people to join Randy Jackson (who?) on the judges’ dais.
The first is Aerosmith lead singer Steven “Living On The Edge” Tyler who himself let it slip he’d been pegged to replace Simon Cowell.
Um, these ears are gettin’ old. Can you crank it down a notch?
Next up is Jennifer “I was Ben Afleck’s main squeeze but then I married Marc Anthony” Lopez. Nice pair. Hey! I mean the pair of J.Lo and Tyler.
Woah! Is that thing for real?
If J.Lo and Tyler are the best they can come up with, then what are the producers thinking? And they haven’t even gotten the three judges together to see if they click. Can’t you just imagine how that meeting will go?
Randy: Hey Dawg, wassup?
Steven: J.Lo’s got a gun..
J.Lo: I’m not gunnin’ for ya, Steve. I’m just “Feelin’ So Good”
Randy: Was it much of a “Journey” for you guys to get here?
Steven: Not at all. I was in the neighbourhood so all I had to do was “Walk This Way”
J.Lo: Hey guys, “Let’s Get Loud”
Steven: Yeah, if we’re to make this work we’ll have to show some “Sweet Emotion”
Randy: Wow, Dawg.
J.Lo: I think you’re right Steve. I think we’re getting along now and I just knew we would. Actually I’ve just been “Waiting For Tonight”
Steven: Oh, me too. And I “Don’t Want To Miss A Thing”
Randy: Damn, Dawg, you and the lady are so fine. I’m happy to be in your posse.
Steven: “Dream On”
J.Lo: C’mon guys we need to get along. We need to show some admiration for one another. After all “Love Don’t Cost A Thing”
Randy: That’s right, Dawg. Hey, look there’s Ryan Seacrest. Have you guys met him yet?
Steven: “Dude Looks Like A Lady”
Fat? Yeah, I was fat. I had man-boobs out to here, Dawg.
This post originally appeared at The Parody Files