nonamedufus

Our trip to Panama began on a most positive note. My wife, her aunt - Tante Poutine - and I were all upgraded to First Class on our Air Transat flight from Toronto to Panama City. Not bad. Eggs Benedict, cinnamon buns and a couple of mimosas and I was set for the 5 hour flight. We spent the first day and-a-half at the Panama Sheraton Four Points until the rest of the family - my wife's mother, brother and nephew - arrived from Kelowna. With nothing else to do we took a tour. Our guide Carlos took us to the Panama Canal at the Miraflores locks where we watched a couple of tankers move through. Then it was off to the old part of Panama, much of which is under renovation. But we hit the area around noon and there was wall to wall cars on the narrow streets with nowhere to park. No problem. We'd seen the area the last time we were in Panama. About 8pm the rest of the family arrived in a KIA van and so we loaded our luggage, golf bags and ourselves into the vehicle and the six of...

Silent blog, oh my God Noname's gone, and we nod Round yon Christmas break he snores Holy shit will he come back for more? All he wants is some peace All he wants is some peace. Silent blog, I don't jest Bloggers quake 'cause I'll rest Cut off from the internet star Mrs. Dufus sings Alleluia Christ, my readers'll be bored Christ, my readers'll be bored. Silent blog, no posts done A month yeah, I'll be gone No posts will beam from my holy blog I'll be too busy drinking grog Stay tuned for my return Stay tuned for my return. Merry (insert appropriate ethnic/religious reference here) everyone. Thanks for stopping in throughout 2010. We'll see you in the new year.

This has been quite a week for nonamedufus . If I Had Kim Kardashian's Ass ranked as the most viewed post here last week with over 600 page views, pulling ahead of my readers' all-time favourite No Sex Please We're Japanese and the ever-popular Chesticles . It's good to know people prefer Kim Kardashian's ass to that of Richard Simmons, although I have to say I'm a chesticle man myself. Kim's ass also ranked #1 over at PostZoom this week. Who would have guessed. I started a poll feature last week, up there in the right hand corner. In our first survey, I learned that more readers liked peas than disliked them. Yuck. Losers. And, finally, we had a record number of people participate in Pause Ponder and Pun this week. And, again, we had so many great captions it was hard to come up with our winner. Our honourable mentions, more than usual, give you some idea of how good all our submissions were... Homeland Security - keeping you safe for the Holidays Bluezy...

I don't know about you but when I go to the bathroom, I, um, erm, ah, go to the bathroom. Frankly, I'm in there for a reason and nothing's gonna come between me and my, un, relief. When I was a kid, I knew a guy that used to practice his clarinet on the toilet. No that's not a euphemism. If you came to the door to call on him and heard the clarinet you knew where he was. His Dad said he spent so much time on the toilet seat he had a ring around his ass. I wonder if it wasn't a ploy to mask his grunts and groans as he did his business? He'd never admit to it. I came across a survey this week about what people do in the bathroom. It seems I'm in the minority. Whereas I'm there to do my business, most people are there for another purpose. The folks from Georgia-Pacific make Quilted Northern toilet paper and conducted a survey into people's bathroom habits. Seems folks are more sociable in the John than on Facebook. I guess you could say they're gett...

Interesting news last week for movie fans. Star Wars mastermind George Lucas is taking CGI to the next level. And he's digging deep to bring the latest cinematic development to the screen. I don't mean his wallet. After all, what's money to George Lucas? No he's digging deep into the graves of dead stars to resurrect them on screen. This is a fascinating, if not ghoulish, development. Ha, I wonder if this is the only way for Mel Gibson to resurrect his film career? He's sure having trouble doing it while he's alive. Will Lucas call his film Night of The Living Dead? Oh, right, that's been done before. Maybe he could raise Herve Villechaize, Gary Coleman and Billy Barty from the grave for a film. I dunno. It'd probably be a short. How about a remake of Little Men? If it's a Star Wars sequel he's planning, Chris Farley might make for an entertaining Jabba the Hut. And Liberace might take a turn as Gay Radar, a distant cousin of Darth Vader, "L...

Ho-ho-ho... Leave your caption of Christmas cheer. And then we'll see you back here... Saturday.

In 1975 Bob Dylan wrote a great song called Hurricane , based on the injustices done to boxer Rubin "Hurricane" Carter. A great song. But few people know that Dylan went through many drafts based on other, little-known, people from many different walks of life before arriving at a song he could feel comfortable with. For instance... His first choice for the tune was a pretty young prostitute he'd met in a bar in New Orleans. That song was titled: Wanda "Warm Front" Brown. Then he thought Tiny "Tornado" White would make for a great subject for a song but that was before the Ajax people threatened to sue. Next he considered writing a song about Bobby "Blizzard" King but the folks at Dairy Queen said uh-uh. Not to be deterred Bob then came up with some lyrics about Bob "Hail The Size of Golf Balls" Bryant but decided a song about worshiping little white orbs just wouldn't swing. Then he penned a ditty about Peter "Ice Pellet...

Hey, no one picked up on my Neil Sedaka reference Wednesday. Don't you remember his 1962 #1 hit Breaking Up Is Hard To Do ? I guess none of you were born then. Moving quickly along... Man we had a lot of funny captions submitted this week. This had to be one of the toughest weeks yet for poor old dufus to choose a winner. You guys really brought your "A" game, for sure. Here are our honourable mentions... A couple discusses all of Obama's great ideas. Moooooog Yuri Geller attempts to bend the spoon in Natasha's cup. If successful, he will then attempt to bend Natasha to his will. ba_hutch How am I going to tell her I'm dating her mother? Boom Boom Larew Tom desperately wanted to have sex with Julie. But he couldn't remember his best lines. MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings But Linda over at The Good, The Bad, The Worse went in a whole different direction this week with her winning caption: You caught it off a toilet seat? Way to go Linda, you be hangin' wit...

There's not much to distinguish Charlie Sheen from Charlie Harper the womanizing, alcohol-abusing character he plays on television. And that's sad. Because as far as I'm concerned, this art imitating life thing is wearing thin. I don't know what the ratings are like for Two And -A-Half Brain Cells this season, but I'm not watching it anymore. I don't need to. All I have to do is read TMZ or watch Entertainment Tonight to laugh at Charlie Sheen. Sure the show was funny because the writing took a cheeky and clever approach to Sheen's real life downward spiral through unsuccessful marriages, prostitutes, drug and alcohol abuse and trips to court. But when Sheen's latest real-life problems continually become fodder for the tabloids and info-tainment shows, Harper's faults and foibles just aren't funny anymore. And for this he earns over $1 million dollars per episode. $1 million? Hell the guy doesn't even have to act. However, the guy has opened ...

I hate vegetables. There I said it. I feel better now. This has been something I've bottled up inside myself since childhood. And I have my dear departed parents to blame. Well, who else? Safe to blame them now that they're no longer here to defend themselves. They did their best with me, though. They always gave me what they were having. Lima beans. Blech! Creamed corn. Double blech!! Wax beans. Triple blech!!! I think you get the idea. I feel for ya kid But the worst of all, however, was canned peas. We didn't have frozen peas when I was a kid. Although it would have been a cold day in July before I ate them, too. I remember the strategies I'd devise at the dinner table. If I didn't hate the veggies on my plate too much I'd load them up in my mouth and take a big swig of milk. This would more often than not make me choke and I'd spit milk and vegetables clear across the table. I didn't care. At least I didn't have to swallow them. Sometimes I did a...

Waddaya think? Inspiration for Neil Sedaka, maybe? Why don't you give it a go. Check back Saturday to see who be hangin' with dufus.

My pals over at Tribal Blogs are holding their first Blog Carnival today and the subject is the worst Christmas present ever. Remember Ralphie in the movie A Christmas Story ? His, as my readers point out, Aunt Clara sent him a bunny costume. Yeah, it sure sucked to be him. Hey sometimes Christmas doesn't work out for some of us. Look at my grandsons last Christmas. Things went from this... ...to this... Heh, heh. That's one picture my daughter doesn't want to share too widely. So keep quiet about it, okay? When I was a kid, Christmas was such a special time. The snow outside, the tree, the lights, the food, visiting relatives and neighbours. And of course the presents. My own kids loved Christmas too and would pore through the Sears Wish Book Catalogue as soon as it arrived in the mail, dog-earing pages upon pages of pictures of gifts they wanted for Christmas. And they were pretty lucky. They usually got most of what they asked for. Today the grandkids are luckier than e...

Our little friend in the picture looks like she's enjoying her noodles. They must taste good. Speaking of good taste, here's this week's winning captions, beginning with our honourable mentions. Introducing the Sham Face Wow! Worried about noodle splashes? Worry no more with a Sham Face Wow! Order now and you'll get two for the price of ONE! Call now. Operators are waiting. Quirkyloon The unfortunate result of forgetting to remove your bubble-gum before eating your noodles. 00dozo Whoopie cushions make lousy fashion accessories. Jeremy from We Took The Bait But dufus doesn't want captions with good taste! No. Our winner this week is the absolutely tasteless Skeeter from Dead Dog with: She was sooooo ugly, her parents put that fake anus on her face to get the dog to like her. Way to go Skeeter. You be hangin' with the dufus. Congratulations, dude! See you guys next week. Oh, and hey, if you're literate you may want to catch my post from earlier in the week T...

I’m sure Kim Kardashian is a wonderful person. I mean being a reality show harlot and a sex tape queen aside – two essential celebutante assets, to be sure – I’m certain she’s a very nice individual, entirely worthy of being a BFF (Biggest Fanny Forever) to Paris “That’s So Hot” Hilton. Speaking of two assets, there’s no doubt when snapped from behind by the pursuing paparazzi who those ass cheeks belong to. Uh-huh. None other than double K. She’s got it all over J- LO and Beyonce. All over. And that’s saying something ’cause those girls are really out there in the BAAS – Biggest Ass in America Sweepstakes. Kim and her ass are so lucky compared to me and my boney rump. If I had KK’s ass… 1) sitting on a sharp object would go largely unnoticed 2) it wouldn’t go to sleep while sitting on the toilet 3) you could fart in public and not worry about it finding it’s way out until 3 days later 4) it would give new meaning to being cheeky 5) hell, it would give new meaning to turn the other ...