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We Have The Technology...

No, I'm not the Six Million Dollar Man. Close, though, after a couple of medical procedures I've had recently.

I know, I know, you're thinking male enhancement. Haven't gone there…yet. No, a couple of months ago I got fitted for hearing aids. My wife was very happy because she didn't have to yell at me anymore, put up with my loud music or suffer if she wanted to watch something I was watching on TV - with the volume cranked up to 35.

It's been a bit of an adjustment for me. I often have to tell Mrs D to speak in her "inside voice" or ask her if she's yelling at me on purpose. I guess old habits die hard. Things are so much louder than they used to be I refer to my hearing as having dog's ears.

The downside is finding just the right setting for these things. The hearing aids are hidden in my ear canal and can only be adjusted in the audiologist's office. Sometimes the TV voices, while loud enough, can be so tinny that they're hard to understand. Listening to music is also on the treble end of the scale lacking that booming base. And restaurants are a real challenge. I hear all the background conversations and dishes being smacked together which kind of drowns out the conversation at the table.

But I'm sure I'll adjust. Hey, the volume on the TV's at 15 now.

Meanwhile, last week I had another procedure. No, no, not the male enhancement thingy. I had cataract surgery on my left eye. Prior to the surgery I was very anxious. I'd checked it all out on the internet - big mistake - and came across this:

Holy shit, I thought, they're gonna stick all that stuff in my eye. And they don't knock you out for this surgery. They give you a local anesthetic. Great I'm gonna get a needle in my eyeball.

But, hey, they know what they're doing. They give you a valium and drops in your eye that kind of freeze it. After that I didn't feel a thing during the twenty minute or so procedure.

And I can see! The difference is like night and day - night being how I used to see.

So I already have super hearing. Just wait till I get the other eye done. At this rate I may end up with x-ray vision.


Cheryl said…
You's not old, you's just falling apart. I hope I never need hearing aids because of the tinny, the treble (bring on that BASS!), and background confusion. I DO want new eyes but insurance won't pay for the procedure until I'm nearly blind. Most of the folks I know didn't notice the slow graying of their world and were surprised when they found out they had cataracts. I, on the other hand, noticed a huge problem about a year ago and was told by the ophthalmologist that I had baby cataracts that were nothing to worry about. I'm not worried, I'm pissed because those things are affecting my ability to see. The worst of it is that insurance won't cover lens replacement until I'm almost blind.
I'm waiting on my bionic knee, ankle and back. The eyes and ears will come later. In the meantime, I'm having fun glowing in the dark from the radiation. Good times!
babs (beetle) said…
I'm a bit jealous now. I will be having my first eye done in about six weeks and as for hearing aids? Good hearing aids like that are out of my financial reach, I'm afraid, so I'm still only thinking about that one. I'm not sure the free hearing aids will be as good.
ReformingGeek said…
What? What? I can't hear you. Hee Hee.

Glad to know you're getting some......results.

I've had Laser eye surgery to correct my distance vision. I try not to think about people poking around on my eyeballs.
nonamedufus said…
The hearing aids and the cataract surgery have improved my hearing and sight. On the latter I didn't realize how much until after the eye surgery. Things out of my right eye are kind of hazy and brown. But out of my let eye, the one on which I had cataract surgery, it's amazing how bright and clear my vision is. I didn't realize how bad things were.
nonamedufus said…
We'll have to start our own super heroes/humans club, Paula.
nonamedufus said…
I hope my second eye operation is in less time than the wait for the first one. I had to wait 5 months for this after the doctor told me I'd probably have the surgery in about 6 weeks. But nevertheless the change in my vision is amazing. I'm sure you'll experience the same thing.
nonamedufus said…
Oh, that was the worst part…the period before the operation imagining needles and scalpels in my eye. Yuck.
babs (beetle) said…
I'm so glad your sight is so much better! I suppose I've waited for about four months, in all. My specialist put it through, but I had to wait for a pre-op assessment, as I'm going under. I chose to have my eye that was damaged done first (not sure why I did that), so I may not get such a good result for the first eye. I can't wait to get single vision. Seeing three of everything is not nice.
nonamedufus said…
Gee, and all this time I thought it was the alcohol.
Ziva said…
You're like Superman, all hearing and seeing suddenly. That's so hot.
VE said…
Hope those hearing aids don't get in the way of your blaring ipod ear phones
nonamedufus said…
Yeah they do. I have ear pods. Now I have to get ear phones.

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