No, I'm not the Six Million Dollar Man. Close, though, after a couple of medical procedures I've had recently.
I know, I know, you're thinking male enhancement. Haven't gone there…yet. No, a couple of months ago I got fitted for hearing aids. My wife was very happy because she didn't have to yell at me anymore, put up with my loud music or suffer if she wanted to watch something I was watching on TV - with the volume cranked up to 35.
It's been a bit of an adjustment for me. I often have to tell Mrs D to speak in her "inside voice" or ask her if she's yelling at me on purpose. I guess old habits die hard. Things are so much louder than they used to be I refer to my hearing as having dog's ears.
The downside is finding just the right setting for these things. The hearing aids are hidden in my ear canal and can only be adjusted in the audiologist's office. Sometimes the TV voices, while loud enough, can be so tinny that they're hard to understand. Listening to music is also on the treble end of the scale lacking that booming base. And restaurants are a real challenge. I hear all the background conversations and dishes being smacked together which kind of drowns out the conversation at the table.
But I'm sure I'll adjust. Hey, the volume on the TV's at 15 now.
Meanwhile, last week I had another procedure. No, no, not the male enhancement thingy. I had cataract surgery on my left eye. Prior to the surgery I was very anxious. I'd checked it all out on the internet - big mistake - and came across this:
Holy shit, I thought, they're gonna stick all that stuff in my eye. And they don't knock you out for this surgery. They give you a local anesthetic. Great I'm gonna get a needle in my eyeball.
But, hey, they know what they're doing. They give you a valium and drops in your eye that kind of freeze it. After that I didn't feel a thing during the twenty minute or so procedure.
And I can see! The difference is like night and day - night being how I used to see.
So I already have super hearing. Just wait till I get the other eye done. At this rate I may end up with x-ray vision.