Skip to main content

Toilet Humour



My toilet was on the fritz so I called a plumber.

When the doorbell rang I was surprised the repairman was a woman. And she was gorgeous. No American standard, believe me.

She told me her name was Fawcett.  I thought "Yep, I'd tap that."

I was struck dumb. I flushed in embarrassment. But she didn't seem to notice and plunged into her work.

I had to crane my neck to see what she was doing.

I asked if she could use any help. She said she could handle it.

But I knew she was having a tough time of it 'cause she nearly blew a gasket.

She about bowled me over because she swore like a stevedore. Whatever floats your boat, I thought.

And then I thought if she'd taken elocution lessons they'd surely gone to waste.

Oh, well.

For me, though, it was like water off a duck's back. I wasn't offended. There was no chance that I'd sewer.

She reached into her bag and pulled out a can of motor oil; an odd item to fix a toilet with. I said "What's that?" "Valve-o-line, of course," she replied. I felt like a complete toto.

Soon she was done and said to me "Urine luck. I'll only charge you for the parts not the labour." "Holy crap, I piped up, "that's a great deal".

I fixture with my unblinking eyes and said "tanks a lot".

I think she liked me because she gave me her number and said I could Kohler.



Comments

Boom Boom Larew said…
No more potty talk from you, sir! (I'm off to play some toilet tag with the kidlets again today.)
nonamedufus said…
No more potty talk? Well, that depends.
Laughing Mom said…
This left me flooded with joy...or something...
nonamedufus said…
Oh. I'm just overflowing with puns today.
Nicky said…
You must have really reached into the bowels of pun Hell for this one. I hope it wasn't too much of a strain.
nonamedufus said…
No, I gave them your name and got a good seat.
Nora Blithe said…
You know I believed this was true until I got to Fawcett. Silly me. :)
nonamedufus said…
So were you hot or cold about this post?
Anonymous said…
It's great that you are getting ideas from this article as well as from our argument made at this place.

Feel free to surf to my blog post: options md review
Nora Blithe said…
(Does that count as a pun? I'm not very good at them. I'll yield to your expertise.)
nonamedufus said…
Ice-ee. (I see)
nonamedufus said…
I can't do this anymore. I'm drained. (hahahahaha)
Anonymous said…
Nice post. I learn something new and challenging on websites I stumbleupon every day.
It's always exciting to read through content from other writers and use a little something from their websites.

Also visit my webpage; hair color *http://firebodychallenge.com/how-make-handmade-shampoo-oily-hair*
Anonymous said…
It's an awesome piece of writing designed for all the internet users; they will take benefit from it I am sure.

Here is my weblog; internet explorer
meleahrebeccah said…
You are SOFA KING funny and punny I can't stop laughing!!
nonamedufus said…
It's hard work coming up with all those puns. I plumb the depths of creativity to come up with them.
meleahrebeccah said…
You always amaze me!
nonamedufus said…
It's hard work always amazing you.

Popular posts from this blog

My Back Pages - November

I know, I know, I know I should have reported in before now. But sometimes real life just gets in the way. I attempted 5 books in November. I say attempted because I slapped a big DNF (did not finish) on Neal Stephenson's Cryptonomicon. I just can't seem to get into this guy. It's the second or third of his I've given up on,

Not so the other four, starting with a biography of Stephen Stills called Change Partners. This followed by a hilarious biography of the guy responsible for National Lampoon called A Stupid and Futile Gesture - How Doug Kenney and National Lampoon Changed Comedy Forever.

I ended the month reading yet another biography, this one of the man behind Rolling Stone magazine,. It was called Sticky Fingers: The Life and Times of Jann Wenner and Rolling Stone Magazine. A fascinating read.

So last month I hit the magic number 50 I'd imagined for myself back in January. If I roll this month into my yearly total I'm at 54 books. And I still have Decem…

Paroxysm Paradox

The weather was unseasonably warm for October. The sun set around 6:30 but the daylight hours were quite enjoyable. So thought Richard, as he set out for his daily walk in the woods. He marvelled at the turning leaves which exhibited an explosion of colour more significant with each passing day.

But Richard knew the turning leaves would soon start to fall. And the trees would soon be bare with no leaves at all. And then the snow would fly and fall from the trees as the leaves had before it.

Richard couldn't help but think of the sudden change to come as a seizure of sorts. And he wasn't looking forward to it. After all, who would welcome a seizure, he thought, as he rolled uncontrollably among the leaves.

This week paroxysm/seizure was the prompt at Two Word Tuesday.