Skip to main content

Toilet Humour

My toilet was on the fritz so I called a plumber.

When the doorbell rang I was surprised the repairman was a woman. And she was gorgeous. No American standard, believe me.

She told me her name was Fawcett.  I thought "Yep, I'd tap that."

I was struck dumb. I flushed in embarrassment. But she didn't seem to notice and plunged into her work.

I had to crane my neck to see what she was doing.

I asked if she could use any help. She said she could handle it.

But I knew she was having a tough time of it 'cause she nearly blew a gasket.

She about bowled me over because she swore like a stevedore. Whatever floats your boat, I thought.

And then I thought if she'd taken elocution lessons they'd surely gone to waste.

Oh, well.

For me, though, it was like water off a duck's back. I wasn't offended. There was no chance that I'd sewer.

She reached into her bag and pulled out a can of motor oil; an odd item to fix a toilet with. I said "What's that?" "Valve-o-line, of course," she replied. I felt like a complete toto.

Soon she was done and said to me "Urine luck. I'll only charge you for the parts not the labour." "Holy crap, I piped up, "that's a great deal".

I fixture with my unblinking eyes and said "tanks a lot".

I think she liked me because she gave me her number and said I could Kohler.


Boom Boom Larew said…
No more potty talk from you, sir! (I'm off to play some toilet tag with the kidlets again today.)
nonamedufus said…
No more potty talk? Well, that depends.
Laughing Mom said…
This left me flooded with joy...or something...
nonamedufus said…
Oh. I'm just overflowing with puns today.
Nicky said…
You must have really reached into the bowels of pun Hell for this one. I hope it wasn't too much of a strain.
nonamedufus said…
No, I gave them your name and got a good seat.
Nora Blithe said…
You know I believed this was true until I got to Fawcett. Silly me. :)
nonamedufus said…
So were you hot or cold about this post?
Anonymous said…
It's great that you are getting ideas from this article as well as from our argument made at this place.

Feel free to surf to my blog post: options md review
Nora Blithe said…
(Does that count as a pun? I'm not very good at them. I'll yield to your expertise.)
nonamedufus said…
Ice-ee. (I see)
nonamedufus said…
I can't do this anymore. I'm drained. (hahahahaha)
Anonymous said…
Nice post. I learn something new and challenging on websites I stumbleupon every day.
It's always exciting to read through content from other writers and use a little something from their websites.

Also visit my webpage; hair color **
Anonymous said…
It's an awesome piece of writing designed for all the internet users; they will take benefit from it I am sure.

Here is my weblog; internet explorer
meleahrebeccah said…
You are SOFA KING funny and punny I can't stop laughing!!
nonamedufus said…
It's hard work coming up with all those puns. I plumb the depths of creativity to come up with them.
meleahrebeccah said…
You always amaze me!
nonamedufus said…
It's hard work always amazing you.

Popular posts from this blog

Tales From The Supermarket

Bob and Brenda worked in the supermarket. They weren't check-out clerks. And they weren't stock-boys. Brenda sure wasn't. And they weren't employees who worked in the fish section or the deli. No. They were on the shelves.

They hadn't been on the shelves very long but in that short time they'd developed a considerably close friendship.

The chatted all day when the store was busy and at night when the store was closed. They talked about everything. The talked about what raw products they came from. The talked about their manufacturing processes. And they talked about the long routes in semi-trailers that brought them to this store.

Oddly enough the one thing they never made clear to one another was just what product each of them was.

One day when Brenda was commenting on their friendship she told Bob she was grateful for their amity. "Are you Tea?" said Bob, pekoe-ing her way. "I thought I was Tea". You're coffee!"

This week's Tw…

My Back Pages - November

I read five books last month bringing my year to date total to 61, well past the 50 I estimated at the beginning of the year. And I've yet to get through December.

The month started out with The Nix, the debut novel by Nathan Hill which has been receiving a lot off positive reviews. In it Hill flips back and fourth from the 1968 Chicago protests and 2011 in a desperate search for the truth behind why his mother abandoned him at an early age. In between Hill takes on politics, the media and addiction as well as other aspects of society. It's a well-spun tale and I quite enjoyed reading it.

Next up was the auto-biographical I Am Brian Wilson of Beach Boys fame. This was somewhat of a scattered affair but an interesting read nonetheless. Wilson - or his ghostwriter - however is no Hemingway.

Then it was on to one of my favourite authors, Ian Rankin and his latest tale of now retired Inspector John Rebus, Rather Be The Devil. I never tire of these stories and this is the 21st in …