Skip to main content

Toilet Humour

My toilet was on the fritz so I called a plumber.

When the doorbell rang I was surprised the repairman was a woman. And she was gorgeous. No American standard, believe me.

She told me her name was Fawcett.  I thought "Yep, I'd tap that."

I was struck dumb. I flushed in embarrassment. But she didn't seem to notice and plunged into her work.

I had to crane my neck to see what she was doing.

I asked if she could use any help. She said she could handle it.

But I knew she was having a tough time of it 'cause she nearly blew a gasket.

She about bowled me over because she swore like a stevedore. Whatever floats your boat, I thought.

And then I thought if she'd taken elocution lessons they'd surely gone to waste.

Oh, well.

For me, though, it was like water off a duck's back. I wasn't offended. There was no chance that I'd sewer.

She reached into her bag and pulled out a can of motor oil; an odd item to fix a toilet with. I said "What's that?" "Valve-o-line, of course," she replied. I felt like a complete toto.

Soon she was done and said to me "Urine luck. I'll only charge you for the parts not the labour." "Holy crap, I piped up, "that's a great deal".

I fixture with my unblinking eyes and said "tanks a lot".

I think she liked me because she gave me her number and said I could Kohler.


Boom Boom Larew said…
No more potty talk from you, sir! (I'm off to play some toilet tag with the kidlets again today.)
nonamedufus said…
No more potty talk? Well, that depends.
Laughing Mom said…
This left me flooded with joy...or something...
nonamedufus said…
Oh. I'm just overflowing with puns today.
Nicky said…
You must have really reached into the bowels of pun Hell for this one. I hope it wasn't too much of a strain.
nonamedufus said…
No, I gave them your name and got a good seat.
Nora Blithe said…
You know I believed this was true until I got to Fawcett. Silly me. :)
nonamedufus said…
So were you hot or cold about this post?
Anonymous said…
It's great that you are getting ideas from this article as well as from our argument made at this place.

Feel free to surf to my blog post: options md review
Nora Blithe said…
(Does that count as a pun? I'm not very good at them. I'll yield to your expertise.)
nonamedufus said…
Ice-ee. (I see)
nonamedufus said…
I can't do this anymore. I'm drained. (hahahahaha)
Anonymous said…
Nice post. I learn something new and challenging on websites I stumbleupon every day.
It's always exciting to read through content from other writers and use a little something from their websites.

Also visit my webpage; hair color **
Anonymous said…
It's an awesome piece of writing designed for all the internet users; they will take benefit from it I am sure.

Here is my weblog; internet explorer
meleahrebeccah said…
You are SOFA KING funny and punny I can't stop laughing!!
nonamedufus said…
It's hard work coming up with all those puns. I plumb the depths of creativity to come up with them.
meleahrebeccah said…
You always amaze me!
nonamedufus said…
It's hard work always amazing you.

Popular posts from this blog

My Back Pages - November

I read five books last month bringing my year to date total to 61, well past the 50 I estimated at the beginning of the year. And I've yet to get through December.

The month started out with The Nix, the debut novel by Nathan Hill which has been receiving a lot off positive reviews. In it Hill flips back and fourth from the 1968 Chicago protests and 2011 in a desperate search for the truth behind why his mother abandoned him at an early age. In between Hill takes on politics, the media and addiction as well as other aspects of society. It's a well-spun tale and I quite enjoyed reading it.

Next up was the auto-biographical I Am Brian Wilson of Beach Boys fame. This was somewhat of a scattered affair but an interesting read nonetheless. Wilson - or his ghostwriter - however is no Hemingway.

Then it was on to one of my favourite authors, Ian Rankin and his latest tale of now retired Inspector John Rebus, Rather Be The Devil. I never tire of these stories and this is the 21st in …

My Back Pages - 2016

Here, as promised is a month-by-month breakdown of the 67 books I delved into this year. I got off to a strong start and then my intake dwindled for a couple of months until picking back up in April. I'll let you in on my favourites at the end of this list.


Here, There and Everywhere:
My Life Recording the Music of the Beatles - Geoff Emerick - ****
H is for Hawk - Helen Macdonald - ***
Close To The Edge - The Story of Yes - Chris Welch - ***
Sweet Caress - William Boyd - ****


Purity by Jonathan Franzen 
Still Alice by Lisa Genova.


Natchez Burning - Greg Iles
The Promise (Elvis Cole #20) - Robert Crais


The Snowman (Harry Hole)- Joe Nesbo ****
Phantom (Harry Hole) - Joe Nesbo ****
The Leopard (Harry Hole) - Jo Nesbo ****


George Harrison Reconsidered ***
The Heart Goes Last - Margaret Atwood ****
Dropping The Needle - The Vinyl Dialogues Volume II ***
The Electric Mist with the Confederate Dead, (Dave Robicheaux #6) - James Lee Burke****


 Lust and Wonder - Aug…

Traveling Along Singing A Song

Pete and Paulie were strolling along one day. The sun was bright, the air was cool, the birds chirped crazily in the trees and the squirrels  munched merrily on their nuts. Well not their nuts exactly. Nuts they found on the ground and in the gardens in the park.

Paulie felt so good he began to whistle. It wasn't any tune in particular, just one of those annoyingly tuneless whistles that wandered all over the place. Pete looked at Paulie and he squiggled up his nose and he said "What the hell is that?" Paulie replied "Oh nothing in particular. I'm just happy." "But you're not even whistling a tune" said Pete. Paulie replied "If you're so wise I'd like to see you do better, Pete."

Pete went silent for a moment and seemed to mumble to himself for a moment or two. Then he cleared his throat with a little cough, he opened his mouth and he began to sing.

"There once was a king very wise
Who spoke to his enemies in disguise