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Monday Morning Mirth

Ford Focus

I bought a new Focus and returned to the dealer the next day because I couldn’t get the radio to work. The salesman explained that the Focus has Sync and the radio was voice activated. ‘Nelson,’ the salesman said to the radio. The Radio replied, ‘Ricky or Willie?’ ‘Willie!’ he continued and ‘On The Road Again’ came from the speakers. Then he said, ‘Ray Charles!’, and in an instant ‘Georgia On My Mind’ replaced Willie Nelson .
I drove away happy, and for the next few days, every time I’d say, ‘Beethoven,’ I’d get beautiful classical music, and if I said, ‘Beatles,’ I’d get one of their awesome songs.
Yesterday, a couple ran a red light and nearly creamed my new car, but I swerved in time to avoid them. I yelled, ‘Ass Holes!’ Immediatelythe French National Anthem began to play, sung by Jane Fonda and Barbara Streisand, backed up by Michael Moore and The Dixie Chicks and John Kerry on guitar, Al Gore on drums, Dan Rather on harmonica, Nancy Pelosi on tambourine, Harry Reid on spoons, Bill Clinton on sax and Ted Kennedy on scotch.
Damn, I LOVE this car.

The Anniversary

Rick was in trouble — he forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him, ‘Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in less than 6 seconds AND IT HAD BETTER BE THERE!!’
The next morning, Rick got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.
Confused and curious, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box in the house. She opened it and found a brand new…..BATHROOM SCALE!
Rick has been missing since Friday.
Please pray for him.

The Boss

The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn’t getting any respect.
The next day, he brought a small sign that read:
“I’m the Boss!”
He then taped it to his office door.
Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said:
“Your wife called, she wants her sign back!”

Book: Darkly Dreaming Dexter by Jeff Lindsay

Music: Tubular Bells by Mike Oldfield


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