Skip to main content

Everybody Snores

Well it's the wee hours of another Tuesday and I can't sleep. It's my chemo pills. I take them Monday and I have insomnia Monday night. Tonight just after midnight I was listening to a cover version of Everybody Hurts on my iPad. The wifey was fast asleep so I was using ear buds. Yet, what was that? Son of a gun if she wasn't snoring...and in perfect unison with the song: "Everybody hurts - hrmpf - sometimes". Oh, and before you think my wife was snorting like a pork (that's something my sweet francophone spouse would say) she has the most genteel, lady-like snore I've ever heard. Me, on the other hand, when I do sleep and sometimes snore, I just roar. And I have the bruises to prove it where my wife has kicked me. Anyway I was inspired by my wife's nocturnal nuance and the following is the result.

Well my day was long and my night
My night was mine to own
Then for sure I'd had enough of no sleep, I hung on
Didn't let myself go
My body cries and everybody snores 'cept me

Sometimes I sing a song
But this time it's all wrong
Then my day is night, a groan (hrmpf gone, hrmpf gone)
And I feel like sleeping: go (hrmpf gone)
And I think I've had too many of these pills, my sleep's gone

Everybody snores
Take comfort in your bed
Everybody snores
Don't kick your foot. Oh, no
Don't kick your foot
If you think I'm in the zone, no, no, no, you are so alone

If I'm not sleeping my dear wife
Kick me at night is wrong
When you think you've had too much of this hrmpf to bang on

Well that makes me hurt sometimes
My body cries
And everybody snores 'cept me
And everybody snores 'cept me
So don't kick, don't kick
Hold on, hold on
Twas you, twas you!
(It was, it was)

Everybody snores
'Cept me, I'm alone

If you're curious, here's the R.E.M version. How ironic. I parodied a song about not sleeping by a group called R.E.M.


00dozo said…
Hey, dufus! Nice to hear from you, even if intermittently.

I think everyone is snoring today. With my own recent bouts of insomnia I've discovered that I, too, have a glottal dysfunction except it's on the exhale. Otherwise, I am told that I normally 'breath hard' (and probably not in the way I would like).

Get well.

nonamedufus said…
Keep breathing hard, 00dozo. You never know when it might come in handy! ;)
Shawn said…
I've been having trouble sleeping lately. I think it's because I miss you.
I am glad you are feeling up to posting.
Shawn said…
I've been having trouble sleeping lately. I think it's because I miss you.
I am glad you are feeling up to posting.
StubbornFool said…
I've been having trouble sleeping lately. I think it's because I miss you.
I am glad you are feeling up to posting.
nonamedufus said…
Um, Shawn? You're repeating yourself. But thanks.
nonamedufus said…
nonamedufus said…
Double ditto.
Nicky said…
You know, the first thing I thought when I was reading this was "He's got insomnia listening to REM?!". Poor Dufus. Maybe you should put CPAC on the television. That usually knocks me out in about 0.0000001 seconds. :-)

Feel better, my friend.
nonamedufus said…
I tuned in as you suggested. I thought maybe they might be running the best of Stephen Harper's speeches. Turns out there's no such program.
meleahrebeccah said…
Ahahahahhahha! I like your version of the song better!

And, I snore like a wild animal. It's terrible.
Shawn said…
I kept getting an error message, I swear, and I just kept clicking.
nonamedufus said…
nonamedufus said…
Hmmm. A wild animal eh?
Ziva said…
Huh, when M snores, I usually just hit him really hard. But I guess I could try writing him a song next time.
nonamedufus said…
Yeah, at least a song doesn't leave bruises.
Malisa said…
Unfortunately, I'm a snoring fool! I sound like a 747 taking off. I wake myself up snoring so loud. sigh. I've told my physician that if I die mysteriously, check my nose for my husband's fingerprints because I have caught him pinching my nostrils together to stop my snoring!
nonamedufus said…
Yeah, I don't think my wife will be writing song anytime soon, Ziva
nonamedufus said…
Ha, ha, ha. My wife does that too. Not to stop me snoring. To stop me breathing!
Mikewj said…
Your wife sounds sooooo hawt. You lucky dawg, you.
Mikewj said…
Oh, a punchline contest!

How about, "Love is like oxygen, and if you don't shut up soon, I'm cutting yours off." ?
nonamedufus said…
Yeah, that works. So does Silence is Golden.
Linda Medrano said…
Rolling me over on my side helps. I only snore if I am lying on my back. I hope sleep comes tonight!
nonamedufus said…
There's a joke in there about closing your eyes and thinking of England but I'm not gonna go there.

Popular posts from this blog

My Back Pages - October

Well, folks, I read seven (count 'em) seven books in October. One I didn't finish but even at that I hit the magic number 50 I estimated for myself by the end of the year. The six books I successfully waded through were, firstly, What Happened, Hillary Clinton's book on her bid for the Presidency. I''m a bit of a political junkie so I get off on this stuff but still it kinda struck me as one long whine over losing.
Next up was the excellent Canyon of Dreams: The Magic and Music of Laurel Canyon. Laurel Canyon was the fabled area outside of Los Angeles where many musicians and artists lived. Known as a 60s enclave, the book takes a look at just who lived there over the last 80 years. A fascinating read.
Next up was Lightfoot, a biography of Canadian folk singer Gordon Lightfoot. He may have been responsible for some iconic folk songs but he was also quite the womanizer and boozer. Enough said.
Then I read Dan Brown's new tome Origin, the fifth in the Robert Lan…

My Back Pages - November

I know, I know, I know I should have reported in before now. But sometimes real life just gets in the way. I attempted 5 books in November. I say attempted because I slapped a big DNF (did not finish) on Neal Stephenson's Cryptonomicon. I just can't seem to get into this guy. It's the second or third of his I've given up on,

Not so the other four, starting with a biography of Stephen Stills called Change Partners. This followed by a hilarious biography of the guy responsible for National Lampoon called A Stupid and Futile Gesture - How Doug Kenney and National Lampoon Changed Comedy Forever.

I ended the month reading yet another biography, this one of the man behind Rolling Stone magazine,. It was called Sticky Fingers: The Life and Times of Jann Wenner and Rolling Stone Magazine. A fascinating read.

So last month I hit the magic number 50 I'd imagined for myself back in January. If I roll this month into my yearly total I'm at 54 books. And I still have Decem…