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You Know You're Getting Old When...


Earlier this week the book I was reading wasn't doing it for me and as I sat there on the couch staring off into space my mind started to wander. I started thinking about how old I was and the life I've lived and how it all seemed to pass so fast over the last 64 years. Don't get me wrong. It's been a great life and there's very little I'd change but I was starting to think about my mortality and how my cancer over the last ten years had kind of put a crimp in things.

Remember the Who singing "I hope I die before I get old"? There was a time, years ago, I believed that. Not so much anymore.

And who can forget that line from the aging, tossed-aside film star Nora Desmond in one of my favourite films Sunset Boulevard; "I am big. It's the pictures that got small".

But like Desmond I'm not fooling anyone. Not even myself. I am old.

Like when I go to bed. Geez, I'm under the covers, hearing aids removed by 8:30pm. Good thing there's "On Demand" for television which means I can usually watch whatever I want whenever I want. Otherwise, says my brother Whitey (y'all remember Whitey?), the television networks would have to move prime time to 5:00pm. And, damn, I'd have eat supper at 4:00pm. And at that time I would have only just finished lunch. And because I have some kidney issues and am diabetic the meal wouldn't be very exciting. I find the older I get my meals tend to be a little more off schedule and a little blander. No more cheeseburgers and poutine for me, for example.

You know what I did earlier today? I belong to this Facebook group of classic rock music lovers and we all post music videos from the past. I'm partial to the 60s and 70s but today I posted Does Your Chewing Gum Lose Its Flavour On The Bedpost Overnight by Lonnie Donegan Lonnie was a skiffle artist and released this song in 1959. I was all of seven years old at the time but I loved hearing this song on the radio. My comment on the Facebook post was "Yes, dammit, okay I'm old."

And speaking of being a kid I used to love things like Kentucky Fried Chicken and Cheez-Whiz. I bought some of each w while back and yuck. I think my taste buds have died. They just weren't the same.

I used to laugh at people who talked about walking into a room and forgetting why. Now I do it all the time. And don't laugh, dammit. I have to walk back out of the room to remember.

Once in a while I wear my T-shirts inside out and have to have my wife tell me to turn them right side out. I wear crocks (shock, I know., eh Whitey? I guess they're old people shoes.) and half the time wear them outdoors instead of remembering to change into my shoes.

I could go on but I can't remember half the other stuff I do, or don't do.

Sorry, I have to go. It's 4:00pm and I'm having grilled, skinless chicken and twice-boiled potatoes, some raw broccoli and carrots for dinner. Unsweetened applesauce for desert. Yum, yum.

Now, why did I come into the kitchen?


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