Skip to main content

Barnyard Buffet or How I Got Finger-Fooded Into Frightful Farm Puns

Chuck entered the room and made a bee-line for the banquet table. As he crossed the room intent on his goal his mind stopped to wonder why people called it a bee-line. Like why didn't they call it a sparrow line, or a hornet line, or a bat line although DC comics already had that one covered and copyrighted.

He stuck out his hand and scooped up a couple of his favourites: onion rings. But wait. His mind sounded the death knell on the onions once he spied the piggies in a blanket. "Hell, he thought to himself "piggies in a blanket can run rings around onion, oh, um, rings". Despite his poor command of the language he nevertheless thought piggies in a blanket was a smart term. You know, linking (get it?) the sausage to a pastry. Sounded much better than cocktail weenies. I mean, after all, what grown man wants to ask people to pass them the cocktail weenies. The phrase sounds so, so, um, diminutive, right? Embarrassing for sure. Imagine going to a baseball game and asking the vendor down a long row of screaming men "Excuse me sir but how much are your cocktail weenies?" Like that's gonna happen.

Chuck knew a few people and he nodded casually to them as he continued to clean the plate of cocktail...erm...piggies in a blanket.

But his hostess, outstanding in her field (notice agricultural reference) as a home chef, was on the ball and Sownya (notice bovine reference there) hoofed it out of the kitchen with another serving of the precious finger sausages. Chuck was relieved. More piggies in a blanket. And Sownya was over the moooon that someone was enjoying her piggies in a blanket.

"Good crowd" snorted Chuck. "Yes" said Sownya "Bill managed to coral most of the neighbours, I think"

"What is that dipping sauce?" marvelled Chuck. "Ranch" crowed Sownya. "Of course" clucked Chuck.

At that point Bill sidled up to Sownya and introduced himself to Chuck.

As the conversation continued Bill at one point almost accidentally dropped his plate but managed in a clever move to catch it before it fell to the floor, thus saving his links from becoming piggies in a carpet. And then in one smooth move he wolfed them down. (obscure reference here)

"Adroit" cried Chuck somewhat astonished.

Bill not having herd (spelling mistake intended to convey farm reference) the comment correctly he  crowed at Chuck "Say, is that anywhere near Detroit?"

"Geez" thought Chuck (most obscure reference next) "What is this, Wheel of Fortune?" Then, thinking he'd have some fun he replied "As a matter of fact yes. You just pass through C-droit, turn right at B-droit and five miles down the road is adroit."

As they all laughed at Chuck's witty retort, Sownya slowly swallowed what she'd been chewing on since the beginning of the party, turned to her husband, and beaming proudly (both beams), she sucked in her breath, stuck out her teats and whispered "Those were not the droits we were looking for, were they."

The prompt was adroit/clever from Studio30+ - witty and skillful that my friends over there are. I hope I've done them proud.


Popular posts from this blog

My Back Pages - October

Well, folks, I read seven (count 'em) seven books in October. One I didn't finish but even at that I hit the magic number 50 I estimated for myself by the end of the year. The six books I successfully waded through were, firstly, What Happened, Hillary Clinton's book on her bid for the Presidency. I''m a bit of a political junkie so I get off on this stuff but still it kinda struck me as one long whine over losing.
Next up was the excellent Canyon of Dreams: The Magic and Music of Laurel Canyon. Laurel Canyon was the fabled area outside of Los Angeles where many musicians and artists lived. Known as a 60s enclave, the book takes a look at just who lived there over the last 80 years. A fascinating read.
Next up was Lightfoot, a biography of Canadian folk singer Gordon Lightfoot. He may have been responsible for some iconic folk songs but he was also quite the womanizer and boozer. Enough said.
Then I read Dan Brown's new tome Origin, the fifth in the Robert Lan…

My Back Pages - November

I know, I know, I know I should have reported in before now. But sometimes real life just gets in the way. I attempted 5 books in November. I say attempted because I slapped a big DNF (did not finish) on Neal Stephenson's Cryptonomicon. I just can't seem to get into this guy. It's the second or third of his I've given up on,

Not so the other four, starting with a biography of Stephen Stills called Change Partners. This followed by a hilarious biography of the guy responsible for National Lampoon called A Stupid and Futile Gesture - How Doug Kenney and National Lampoon Changed Comedy Forever.

I ended the month reading yet another biography, this one of the man behind Rolling Stone magazine,. It was called Sticky Fingers: The Life and Times of Jann Wenner and Rolling Stone Magazine. A fascinating read.

So last month I hit the magic number 50 I'd imagined for myself back in January. If I roll this month into my yearly total I'm at 54 books. And I still have Decem…