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Barnyard Buffet or How I Got Finger-Fooded Into Frightful Farm Puns

Chuck entered the room and made a bee-line for the banquet table. As he crossed the room intent on his goal his mind stopped to wonder why people called it a bee-line. Like why didn't they call it a sparrow line, or a hornet line, or a bat line although DC comics already had that one covered and copyrighted.

He stuck out his hand and scooped up a couple of his favourites: onion rings. But wait. His mind sounded the death knell on the onions once he spied the piggies in a blanket. "Hell, he thought to himself "piggies in a blanket can run rings around onion, oh, um, rings". Despite his poor command of the language he nevertheless thought piggies in a blanket was a smart term. You know, linking (get it?) the sausage to a pastry. Sounded much better than cocktail weenies. I mean, after all, what grown man wants to ask people to pass them the cocktail weenies. The phrase sounds so, so, um, diminutive, right? Embarrassing for sure. Imagine going to a baseball game and asking the vendor down a long row of screaming men "Excuse me sir but how much are your cocktail weenies?" Like that's gonna happen.

Chuck knew a few people and he nodded casually to them as he continued to clean the plate of cocktail...erm...piggies in a blanket.

But his hostess, outstanding in her field (notice agricultural reference) as a home chef, was on the ball and Sownya (notice bovine reference there) hoofed it out of the kitchen with another serving of the precious finger sausages. Chuck was relieved. More piggies in a blanket. And Sownya was over the moooon that someone was enjoying her piggies in a blanket.

"Good crowd" snorted Chuck. "Yes" said Sownya "Bill managed to coral most of the neighbours, I think"

"What is that dipping sauce?" marvelled Chuck. "Ranch" crowed Sownya. "Of course" clucked Chuck.

At that point Bill sidled up to Sownya and introduced himself to Chuck.

As the conversation continued Bill at one point almost accidentally dropped his plate but managed in a clever move to catch it before it fell to the floor, thus saving his links from becoming piggies in a carpet. And then in one smooth move he wolfed them down. (obscure reference here)

"Adroit" cried Chuck somewhat astonished.

Bill not having herd (spelling mistake intended to convey farm reference) the comment correctly he  crowed at Chuck "Say, is that anywhere near Detroit?"

"Geez" thought Chuck (most obscure reference next) "What is this, Wheel of Fortune?" Then, thinking he'd have some fun he replied "As a matter of fact yes. You just pass through C-droit, turn right at B-droit and five miles down the road is adroit."

As they all laughed at Chuck's witty retort, Sownya slowly swallowed what she'd been chewing on since the beginning of the party, turned to her husband, and beaming proudly (both beams), she sucked in her breath, stuck out her teats and whispered "Those were not the droits we were looking for, were they."

The prompt was adroit/clever from Studio30+ - witty and skillful that my friends over there are. I hope I've done them proud.


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Traveling Along Singing A Song

Pete and Paulie were strolling along one day. The sun was bright, the air was cool, the birds chirped crazily in the trees and the squirrels  munched merrily on their nuts. Well not their nuts exactly. Nuts they found on the ground and in the gardens in the park.

Paulie felt so good he began to whistle. It wasn't any tune in particular, just one of those annoyingly tuneless whistles that wandered all over the place. Pete looked at Paulie and he squiggled up his nose and he said "What the hell is that?" Paulie replied "Oh nothing in particular. I'm just happy." "But you're not even whistling a tune" said Pete. Paulie replied "If you're so wise I'd like to see you do better, Pete."

Pete went silent for a moment and seemed to mumble to himself for a moment or two. Then he cleared his throat with a little cough, he opened his mouth and he began to sing.

"There once was a king very wise
Who spoke to his enemies in disguise