Tuesday, 28 May 2013
Every once in awhile I'll troll the gossip and weird news sites. I find they're often good for a laugh. For instance, I see Germany won't give Justin Bieber his monkey back. Well, geez, the guy should have known enough to keep it in his pants. Yeah, okay, I made that last part up. Sorry. I didn't mean to stiff ya. They were talking about a real monkey.
Speaking of which, there was a story recently about a guy from Sweden who died after he decided to stick his penis into a hornet's nest. Sad to say, it turns out the story was a hoax, though. I say "sad" because this was quite the story. The guy reportedly had 146 wasp stings on his body, 46 of which were on his manhood. The coroner speculated the guy had sex with the nest which triggered the rage of the flying, stinging pests.
Now if this story were true would you stop and ask yourself, "hell, what the heck was this guy thinking?" Was he thinking "Hey, I think I'll pleasure myself with this here hornet's nest". Pleasure myself? Far from it. I mean the guy had to go through some sort of thought process about thrusting the most sensitive part of his body into the weirdest orifice this side of the north end of a sheep going south.
And imagine the impact (pun intended) on the hornets. Sitting there quietly in their nest doing hornet things when all of a sudden...
Oh, yeah, geez I can just imagine the guy forcing himself on a nest of angry wasps who didn't want to have sex. Boy they sure showed him. Imagine that happening in the bedroom. That'd really put a guy in his place. "Not tonight dear, I've got 146 hornets in my nest." "Oh, sure, honey. I get the picture."
I wonder if the guy thought to wear a condom. You know, for PROTECTION! Although I don't know if latex would have done the job and prevented 46 hornet stings to his, um, nest invader.
And you'd think the guy would have known that males having sex with hornets die shortly after mating. Die happy, I suppose, but die nevertheless. Well, male hornets anyway. Maybe he wanted to see if the same held true for humans.
Or maybe the guy was just hard of hearing. When someone told him to watch out for the hornets nest he must have thought they told him to watch for the horny nest. I mean how can any man say no to that?
There really is no other explanation. Is there?
Boy, I've heard love hurts but this is ridiculous.